[Dewclaw]

I am lost. My words might not reach anybody but I have to tell someone.

I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years now.

I live in Spain with him, he is Spanish and very protective because I'm not in my own country. (that bothers me a bit)

Besides the point.

I have lately, been feeling this annoyance about things he does or says. I have been thinking in my own mind that I'm not really in love with him any more but just love him... as a friend.

I don't feel a spark when we kiss and making love is rather mundane, kind of like a chore.

He hasn't done anything to bother me that I can say, in fact he has been really good. He always takes me places, gives me massages, gives me gifts (I'm not materialistic just pointing that out) but despite everything I just can't seem to spark up the warmth anymore.

I feel awful because I would happily be his friend... we practically are friends anyway.

There are so many things about him I really like but at the same time so many others that drive me mad and I can't imagine myself living with them forever. And they are part of him so he won't be able to change them. I have spoken to him but he is very proud and would never admit that it is his doing.

ooooooooooh, help me universe to make a smooth decision.

When do you know when you are in love or just in a relationship that is comfortable that you would rather not change because it is easier to live with the circumstances as they are.

I don't want to hurt him.

How could I break this news, should I break it?... He has no idea that I have been thinking this at all.
I have been moody but he probably thinks that it is a girl thing.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

to be or not to be

[Little]

The question is whether you've fallen out of love completely or whether the new-relationship spark has just gone out. Relationships take work. Make an assessment - is there anything you think you can do to get that spark back?

[DreamP346]

That is a question only you can answer, but here are some exercises you can do to help.

Imagine your life after your break up. Are you sad and miss him or do you feel relieved?

Make a list of why you should stay together and why you should break up. Compare the lists.

If there was only one piece of chocolate left (or other favorite food), would you give it to him gladly?

When he is sad or stressed or having difficulties, do you feel sad also?

Do you often put his needs before yours?

do you enjoy time with him or is it more of a bother?

When you are away from him, do you ever wish he was there?

Hope that helps.

[SaharaJim]

I think the real question here is what do you WANT to do? There are lots of ways to re-ignite the "spark" in a relationship. And at 4 years you may just be hitting that period where the relationship is "work" to keep things good. OR...maybe...You want out and are just looking for a "justification" for doing it.
IF that is the case..do him and yourself a favor. End it. Gently and without any dramatic "scene"; but clearly and unambiguously. You both desearve better than to try to "make" a relationship work when one of you just wants "out".