[kristiesaur]

I don't even know how to begin this... Um... so I guess with my age or something.
Anyways, I am a 19 year old girl and I had sex for the first time about six weeks ago with this guy. We're not together or anything, and it doesn't bother me that we're not. He's a nice, caring guy who I could possibly see myself dating in the future, but is it alright that for right now we're just having fun? I don't want anything serious, and it seems he's fine with what we're doing right now; having sex whenever we want and just hanging out, I know I'm fine with it. Haha.
Basically, what I'm asking is should I worry about trying to be in a relationship with him, or is it fine that I don't really care about all that hooblah right now?

[KMonte85]

As long as you're both being safe, trust each other, and are on the same page about it just being casual, I see no reason why you should feel you HAVE to be in a relationship with this guy.

Just be careful with your heart. As much as you try not to let it, many MANY times, sex complicates what was an otherwise good friendship. Keep your head about you, and pay attention to how you and he are feeling about your situation.

[Little]

I say it's fine.

You're an adult woman capable of consenting to sex for whatever reasons you want. Or for no reason at all. The only immediately important things are your consent and his consent. After that, you can worry about your mutual pleasure ... and way on down the line of importance are silly things like what other people think.

Other people might put you down for having sex out of a relationship because in their value system, that's "bad." It's obviously not bad in your value system, and there's nothing wrong with that.

But some things you should be thinking about, based on your other thread concerning pregnancy scares, are CONDOMS and trusting your birth control. Starting with the latter, your BC was made in a lab under controlled conditions and you have been given all of the information you could be given concerning it. You said it's one of the most effective forms of BC out there, so you need to believe in it. Something that might help you with that is learning how it works and how conception works. You have probably been fed the idea that accidentally getting pregnant is SUPER DUPER EASY, when it isn't. Getting pregnant on purpose isn't even necessarily super duper easy.
Now, about condoms - your sex partner wasn't made in a lab under controlled conditions. He's lived a life that may or may not match up with what he tells you, and you don't necessarily have all the information on him. He may SAY he's clean of STDs, but he may not even be aware of carrying some STDs. Some people don't have a single symptom but still carry and pass on diseases (HPV in men, for example, is almost never symptomatic.) It is imperative that you use condoms with casual sex. There's no getting around it. Your options are basically 1, use condoms or 2, agonize over abnormal pap results and all their terrible possibilities.

Own your sexuality. If you think your activity is acceptable, it probably is. But it needs to be acceptable AND safe. Don't cheat yourself.

[SaharaJim]

Language is full of all sorts of "slippery" concepts. Dating can mean so many things. I think you have to define your relationship with this man and see if he agrees as to the definition of what you are doing. Also allow for one or both of you's feeling to "change". So many people get "hurt" when they start in a relationship that is "supposed" to be "casual" then one person gets "serious"; and the other does not. Human relations are MESSY by definition because they involve HUMANS. As others have posted- enjoy and "be safe" so that the only "consequences" are the emotions you and he will live with.

[Hugo-B]

I would say follow the advice above I would be happy if you were my little sister asking this question who then received these responses.

Just to add, as SaraJim said, let him know exactly where he stands if things change. If this is casual the rules aren't the same, things being casual aren't a license to treat people badly - and that works both ways - it is often beneficial to define the parameters and conditions of the relationship you have with each other. Just like a business partnership these parameters and considerations wont come into use until a dispute arises, and invariably they do...

Have you agreed to use condoms if one of you sleeps with someone else?
Have you agreed if either of you will be sleeping with anyone else?
Have you agreed whether or not it's acceptable for on of you to pick someone else up in front of the other person. Like if you're both at the same party?
What if he hooks up with one of your friends or someone closer to the periphery of your social group?
If he starts developing feelings (and men do) are you prepared to cut him off and be 'cruel to be kind?'
balh blah blah...


In short have fun, use condoms and be prepared for one of you to develop feelings, I'd be very surprised if that doesn't happen. The majority of casual sex stories, especially of people your age (no condescension meant) end up with someone getting hurt. My GF and I started off 'casual' and luckily (because it wasn't just me) we both developed feelings and we're together now.

Good luck x