[bandloverhal]

I have been dating my boyfriend for over two year now, and I told him that I would be ready to have sex with him. He has had only one other relationship and it was a sexual relationship. I love that he has waited for me, much longer than the other relationship, but he wants me to get on birth control before we have sex. I do not personally believe in birth control. I know it is to help prevent pregnancy, but I don't believe in ingesting something that can mess with my hormones. My opinion. Plus, I would like to avoid the Obgyn as MUCH as possible. I don't want to go till I am expecting. My boyfriend and I are not seeing eye to eye so much that I wish he could just come to the Obgyn with me and see what us girls have to go through yearly. ****For the girls who have no problem with it. I do not know how you do it. I terrified of the procedure. I have nothing against the doctor, but I am terrified.**** Can I bring my boyfriend if I go to the Obgyn? I know we are allowed to bring someone, but I want to show him what we have to go through. I want him to see why I don't want to go. Another thing is, he feels that if I get on birth control that he can ejaculate in me and never expect to get me pregnant. I am still going to school. I think he is crazy. If I am going to have sex, I do not want my guy to ejaculate inside me unless we are married. Am I wrong for feeling this way about things. I don't think so. How can I show him how I am feeling...?

[Hugo-B]

Condoms are the simple answer here. Give your BF the ultimatum: condoms or no sex. Once he realizes you're serious he'll soon come round to your way of thinking.

[Guest]

"If I am going to have sex, I do not want my guy to ejaculate inside me unless we are married."

Read this back to yourself... Do you see anything "wrong" with this statement? Of course not.

Seems like he has certain expectations for the sex he expects from you... Funny, I thought intimacy was between two people...Don't you get any say?

I'm not a big fan of ultimatums as they generally put the other party on the defensive and then nothing gets accomplished.

I would have a serious talk with your boyfriend about respect, honor and decency...because IMO, he is not showing any of these qualities that any of us want in a partner.

The gift of love and sharing one's body are the two greatest gifts one can give to another. Do not sell yourself or your beliefs short for anyone.

A real man will honor, cherish and respect you, your body and your beliefs, just the way they are.

[DreamP346]

Tell him that birth control pills often lower your libido so it you go on it, you may not want to have sex anymore. Also, what is wrong with condoms. He has had a previous sexual relationship. So unless you got tested for all STIs since his last sexual encounter, you need to protect yourself.

[Little]

Whether you can bring your boyfriend in or not depends on your doctor. Sometimes they don't even let husbands back (which is silly, but when I was pregnant, a patient's boyfriend attacked the doctor for looking at her vagina - seriously! So they didn't let men back for a while :P) You can call them and ask, and I bet if you explained that you want your boyfriend to understand the procedure, they'd let him go back with you. Also, if you're ready to become sexually active, you need to keep on top of your health. Visits to the gyno are a big part of this. Nobody likes getting a pelvic exam, pap smear, or any of the procedures the gyno does, but they really become necessary (and as you start to use your vagina for its intended purposes, the speculum will bother you less and less.)

As far as birth control, absolutely DON'T take it if you don't want to! But your boyfriend is (somewhat) right that if you were on it, he'd be able to cum in you with very little fear of pregnancy. If he really thinks that BCPs will completely eliminate the fear of pregnancy, he's on crack :P But that's what BC is for - allowing regular sex without condoms or pulling out. It seems, as buddhaboy mentioned, that condoms are your best bet. You are entitled to your wants and desires when it comes to sex. Since you've come to compromise with your boyfriend in starting sexual activity, your boyfriend needs to compromise with you on birth control.

[bandloverhal]

Thank you all for your words. I will have a serious talk with him. I tried to start the conversation yesterday and he said i wasnt appreciated him.. The conversation ended there since i asked what i didnt appreciate and he didnt answer. I am going to try again.
"Little" i understand that i will have to take care of myself when necessary, i have been once just to try to conqure the fear. I cried in the parking lot and in the waiting room. I did get checked to make sure i was ok for anything. He and i were not physical at that point. However, I havent been in two years. I think the fear relapsed, but I am trying my best to conqure it again.
"seeker advice" your words were very calming. Thank you. Ill let you all know what happens. Hopefully it is a good outcome.