Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I am the other woman. Is there hope?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I am the other woman. Is there hope?

    So I will start from the beginning. I started a new job several months ago. I always joked around with this guy at work, but I always thought that was all it would be.
    We started getting slightly closer and closer. He would shake my hand and hold it for a second longer than normal, or I would bump into him, stand a little closer than normal. Truth is I did kinda like him, but two things. He was several years older than me and also is in a relationship, not married, but has been with her and faithful for 8 years. And they have a three year old daughter together. So I didn't think it would ever be anything... until....

    One day we were away from everyone at work. He was standing behind me. I looked back at him, for some reason I suddenly wanted to kiss him more than anything, but I turned away it wasn't right. Then he slightly turned me around, I looked into his eyes, and he kissed me! I can't describe it any other way than it was like the movies. Absolutely perfect. My heart was beating so fast. Felt like electricity had just ran through me. It was like I had to have him, and he described the feeling the same way. That was where it all started. After work, we met in a parking lot, sat in the car for over an hour just kissing each other. It wasn't awkward at all, not ever. Everything felt perfect. Finally we said goodbye until tomorrow.

    The next day he came into work saying how he had searched for hours to try to find my phone number on the internet but he couldn't find it. So I gave it to him. We went back to that parking lot another time. But then one day we went to a place, swearing we wouldn't go to far, but of course that lasts until your in the moment. Our first time was amazing. So intense like we had to have each other. This went on for a while. We even met at a grocery store just to see each other one day. He called said he had about an hour. And we just stood outside holding each other.

    After a little while we agreed we couldn't keep doing this, but wanted one last good time. So we got a motel, and spent hours together. But instead of the end, it was like a beginning. We began to talk more, I began to trust him like I never should have. We talked about everything. I felt awful about everything. But I couldn't quit. And neither could he. And things just got worse. He started buying me pops at work, and even lunch one day. He would offer me money if he knew I needed it, but I would never take it. After a while I got my own place, then we would have sex about three days a week for atleast an hour. He would call it porn star sex every time lol. But it was amazing, and only got better every time. We would sneak off at work just to kiss each other. I began too feel stronger about him. I kept saying we had to stop, but it only lasted an hour or so before we had to have each other again. We just couldn't do it.

    We got into a huge fight one day. He was jealous! I was talking to one of the other guys at work just friendly like always but he thought I liked him and got totally jealous. He said I can do what I want but don't make him see it, he just can't see it, he looked so hurt when he said that I was totally confused. Then we had a talk. This was after about 5 months of doing this! Way longer than we ever thought it would be. He admitted he had not slept with her since we started this, she was beginning to ask questions. But we still went on like we were. He ended up telling me that he really did care about me, but he couldn't leave his family, and the age difference it couldn't work it was crazy. He said sometimes he wishes his life were different. But I wouldn't stay with him. I admitted I really cared about him and this was getting harder and harder for me. I admitted I really wanted to be with him. He said it was never meant to be like this. We agreed on that. He would call me after work almost every day now. And we were still sleeping together several days a week. One day when he called I said something had to change. He had to choose at some point. He wanted to know when he had to choose. I said is it really a choice. He said he had a family, kids to think about. I said I know. The next say at work I was very cold to him. Avoided talking unless I had to. He called that morning and I said it had to be work only from now on. After two days of that he took me away from everyone and said he hated things like this. I said it has to be. He said he only wanted to comfort me put his arms around me but didn't know if that would just make it worse. He looked like he was going to cry! we talked for a little bit then finally he just grabbed me and hugged me so tight. I just gave in. And hugged him back tears now flowing down my face. He said he was sorry. We pulled apart for a second. Then he just grabbed me and kissed me. It was so passionate so intense. It went from a kiss to a movie scene. From a kiss to almost desperate sex. It was crazy. We just couldn't stop.

    That whole weekend I felt awful. Knowing that I was going to lose him, I went up and down one minute saying I was done the next saying I wanted him. He was a friend and a lover to me, as he considered me also. I don't want to lose that.

    So now I am stuck. I said we have to stop. And for the thousandth time we have set a date. It usually doesn't work. But we can try again. In a way I want to stop and try to move on. But I know working with him will be **************** I won't be able to be around him feeling the way I do and knowing I can't have him. And stopping never works anyways. But I can't leave my job. On the other hand I want to keep doing this trying thinking maybe after a while his feelings would keep getting stronger like they had already and maybe I could convince him to choose me. Do I take the risk? He is everything I want. (Just a little background, I had been single for two years before everything with him, just because I could never feel anything for anyone. And once again, 8 years faithful and I come and change everything for him too). Is there a chance I could end up with him? His best friend even jokingly says we will end up together, and neither of us have told him anything its just from what he sees at work. Should I try to stick with the date and look for another job? This is not what I want at all. Or should I put it all on the line and try to get him? He has said a thousand times, its not normal. Its like I was made for him in sex, we can fight one minute and be best friends the next, he likes me as a person and cares, more and more it seems, and we absolutely have no control over stopping. I need advice on what to do please!

    I have shortened this and may have left out some details. So if you have any questions to help you give me better advice please ask! Thank you!

  • He is probably only with his partner because of his children, or is at least bored in his relationship. Happy, content people who are in love are less likely to cheat.

    A BIG part of the passion and eroticism between the two of you is very much likely down to the thrill caused by the illicitness of the circumstances - work AND an affair! Are you sure that if the two of you went 'legit' the dynamic of the relationship wouldn't alter significantly in a negative sense? You'd need to be and so would he before he 'jumped ship', leaving hi GF and children.

    There is of course a chance you could end up together, anything is possible after all.

    My advice is:

    1) Stop sleeping with him
    2) Tell him he needs to be so sure that he wants to leave his GF that he does it of his own accord
    3) wait until/if he leaves of his own accord
    4) make a go of things

    Unless you do no.1 and stick to it you will remain his mistress and keep going around in circles (precluding a supervening event like him getting caught) and no.3 can never happen, leaving no legitimate chance of no.4.

    If he is serious about you and ever being with you something will have to give, and unless you keep letting him have his cake and eating it to he wont take any steps to alter his stance. Words lie, actions don't, stop sleeping with him and see what happens. If the two of you are meant to be together he'll have to leave 'her', for that to happen, wont he?
    "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]

    Comment


    • Thank you that is really helpful.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by FireAndIce View Post
        Thank you that is really helpful.
        You're welcome x
        "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]

        Comment


        • BTW, I didn't want to sound like a negative prick I was just trying to be as objective as possible since YOU are the one who stands to be hurt the most here. I do believe in love, soul-mates, and 'the right person'. It sounds like you were single for two years because your last relationship brake up hurt you so kudos on waiting until you were ready to meet someone.

          You need to decide upon which terms you'll accept this guy and not waiver from them. If YOU truly believe he is the right man for you - and only you know how YOU feel - then tell him and if he really does feel the same he'll take executive action. The main problem is he is can cut things off with you and make a relatively clean break, at least in contrast with his GF whom has a child with. The secondary problem for him and main problem for you is that neither of you can make a clean break due to work. I met my first GF at work and we both ended up having to leave...
          "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]

          Comment


          • Update

            How did things work out for you? I am just wondering because I am in a similar situation. Thanks

            Originally posted by FireAndIce View Post
            So I will start from the beginning. I started a new job several months ago. I always joked around with this guy at work, but I always thought that was all it would be.
            We started getting slightly closer and closer. He would shake my hand and hold it for a second longer than normal, or I would bump into him, stand a little closer than normal. Truth is I did kinda like him, but two things. He was several years older than me and also is in a relationship, not married, but has been with her and faithful for 8 years. And they have a three year old daughter together. So I didn't think it would ever be anything... until....

            One day we were away from everyone at work. He was standing behind me. I looked back at him, for some reason I suddenly wanted to kiss him more than anything, but I turned away it wasn't right. Then he slightly turned me around, I looked into his eyes, and he kissed me! I can't describe it any other way than it was like the movies. Absolutely perfect. My heart was beating so fast. Felt like electricity had just ran through me. It was like I had to have him, and he described the feeling the same way. That was where it all started. After work, we met in a parking lot, sat in the car for over an hour just kissing each other. It wasn't awkward at all, not ever. Everything felt perfect. Finally we said goodbye until tomorrow.

            The next day he came into work saying how he had searched for hours to try to find my phone number on the internet but he couldn't find it. So I gave it to him. We went back to that parking lot another time. But then one day we went to a place, swearing we wouldn't go to far, but of course that lasts until your in the moment. Our first time was amazing. So intense like we had to have each other. This went on for a while. We even met at a grocery store just to see each other one day. He called said he had about an hour. And we just stood outside holding each other.

            After a little while we agreed we couldn't keep doing this, but wanted one last good time. So we got a motel, and spent hours together. But instead of the end, it was like a beginning. We began to talk more, I began to trust him like I never should have. We talked about everything. I felt awful about everything. But I couldn't quit. And neither could he. And things just got worse. He started buying me pops at work, and even lunch one day. He would offer me money if he knew I needed it, but I would never take it. After a while I got my own place, then we would have sex about three days a week for atleast an hour. He would call it porn star sex every time lol. But it was amazing, and only got better every time. We would sneak off at work just to kiss each other. I began too feel stronger about him. I kept saying we had to stop, but it only lasted an hour or so before we had to have each other again. We just couldn't do it.

            We got into a huge fight one day. He was jealous! I was talking to one of the other guys at work just friendly like always but he thought I liked him and got totally jealous. He said I can do what I want but don't make him see it, he just can't see it, he looked so hurt when he said that I was totally confused. Then we had a talk. This was after about 5 months of doing this! Way longer than we ever thought it would be. He admitted he had not slept with her since we started this, she was beginning to ask questions. But we still went on like we were. He ended up telling me that he really did care about me, but he couldn't leave his family, and the age difference it couldn't work it was crazy. He said sometimes he wishes his life were different. But I wouldn't stay with him. I admitted I really cared about him and this was getting harder and harder for me. I admitted I really wanted to be with him. He said it was never meant to be like this. We agreed on that. He would call me after work almost every day now. And we were still sleeping together several days a week. One day when he called I said something had to change. He had to choose at some point. He wanted to know when he had to choose. I said is it really a choice. He said he had a family, kids to think about. I said I know. The next say at work I was very cold to him. Avoided talking unless I had to. He called that morning and I said it had to be work only from now on. After two days of that he took me away from everyone and said he hated things like this. I said it has to be. He said he only wanted to comfort me put his arms around me but didn't know if that would just make it worse. He looked like he was going to cry! we talked for a little bit then finally he just grabbed me and hugged me so tight. I just gave in. And hugged him back tears now flowing down my face. He said he was sorry. We pulled apart for a second. Then he just grabbed me and kissed me. It was so passionate so intense. It went from a kiss to a movie scene. From a kiss to almost desperate sex. It was crazy. We just couldn't stop.

            That whole weekend I felt awful. Knowing that I was going to lose him, I went up and down one minute saying I was done the next saying I wanted him. He was a friend and a lover to me, as he considered me also. I don't want to lose that.

            So now I am stuck. I said we have to stop. And for the thousandth time we have set a date. It usually doesn't work. But we can try again. In a way I want to stop and try to move on. But I know working with him will be ******************************** I won't be able to be around him feeling the way I do and knowing I can't have him. And stopping never works anyways. But I can't leave my job. On the other hand I want to keep doing this trying thinking maybe after a while his feelings would keep getting stronger like they had already and maybe I could convince him to choose me. Do I take the risk? He is everything I want. (Just a little background, I had been single for two years before everything with him, just because I could never feel anything for anyone. And once again, 8 years faithful and I come and change everything for him too). Is there a chance I could end up with him? His best friend even jokingly says we will end up together, and neither of us have told him anything its just from what he sees at work. Should I try to stick with the date and look for another job? This is not what I want at all. Or should I put it all on the line and try to get him? He has said a thousand times, its not normal. Its like I was made for him in sex, we can fight one minute and be best friends the next, he likes me as a person and cares, more and more it seems, and we absolutely have no control over stopping. I need advice on what to do please!

            I have shortened this and may have left out some details. So if you have any questions to help you give me better advice please ask! Thank you!

            Comment


            • Could you please update your situation and how it turned out? Am in the same boat!

              Comment


              • Hi Girlie, welcome to WH.

                This thread is one year old, so not sure if the OP has requested message up-dates from WH.

                However, why not start your own thread?

                We'd love to see if we can provide you with some thoughts/opinions.

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • Is it wrong of me to want to beat up these men hard to the floor?
                  Pigeonholer extraordinaire!

                  Comment


                  • Hi,

                    Really enjoyed reading your post as I am in the exact same situation! It's so similar I could have written your story. I have been in the situation for the last year and I don't know what to do either, never in a million years thought I would be where I am but its like I have no control over it! What happened with your situation?



                    Originally posted by FireAndIce View Post
                    So I will start from the beginning. I started a new job several months ago. I always joked around with this guy at work, but I always thought that was all it would be.
                    We started getting slightly closer and closer. He would shake my hand and hold it for a second longer than normal, or I would bump into him, stand a little closer than normal. Truth is I did kinda like him, but two things. He was several years older than me and also is in a relationship, not married, but has been with her and faithful for 8 years. And they have a three year old daughter together. So I didn't think it would ever be anything... until....

                    One day we were away from everyone at work. He was standing behind me. I looked back at him, for some reason I suddenly wanted to kiss him more than anything, but I turned away it wasn't right. Then he slightly turned me around, I looked into his eyes, and he kissed me! I can't describe it any other way than it was like the movies. Absolutely perfect. My heart was beating so fast. Felt like electricity had just ran through me. It was like I had to have him, and he described the feeling the same way. That was where it all started. After work, we met in a parking lot, sat in the car for over an hour just kissing each other. It wasn't awkward at all, not ever. Everything felt perfect. Finally we said goodbye until tomorrow.

                    The next day he came into work saying how he had searched for hours to try to find my phone number on the internet but he couldn't find it. So I gave it to him. We went back to that parking lot another time. But then one day we went to a place, swearing we wouldn't go to far, but of course that lasts until your in the moment. Our first time was amazing. So intense like we had to have each other. This went on for a while. We even met at a grocery store just to see each other one day. He called said he had about an hour. And we just stood outside holding each other.

                    After a little while we agreed we couldn't keep doing this, but wanted one last good time. So we got a motel, and spent hours together. But instead of the end, it was like a beginning. We began to talk more, I began to trust him like I never should have. We talked about everything. I felt awful about everything. But I couldn't quit. And neither could he. And things just got worse. He started buying me pops at work, and even lunch one day. He would offer me money if he knew I needed it, but I would never take it. After a while I got my own place, then we would have sex about three days a week for atleast an hour. He would call it porn star sex every time lol. But it was amazing, and only got better every time. We would sneak off at work just to kiss each other. I began too feel stronger about him. I kept saying we had to stop, but it only lasted an hour or so before we had to have each other again. We just couldn't do it.

                    We got into a huge fight one day. He was jealous! I was talking to one of the other guys at work just friendly like always but he thought I liked him and got totally jealous. He said I can do what I want but don't make him see it, he just can't see it, he looked so hurt when he said that I was totally confused. Then we had a talk. This was after about 5 months of doing this! Way longer than we ever thought it would be. He admitted he had not slept with her since we started this, she was beginning to ask questions. But we still went on like we were. He ended up telling me that he really did care about me, but he couldn't leave his family, and the age difference it couldn't work it was crazy. He said sometimes he wishes his life were different. But I wouldn't stay with him. I admitted I really cared about him and this was getting harder and harder for me. I admitted I really wanted to be with him. He said it was never meant to be like this. We agreed on that. He would call me after work almost every day now. And we were still sleeping together several days a week. One day when he called I said something had to change. He had to choose at some point. He wanted to know when he had to choose. I said is it really a choice. He said he had a family, kids to think about. I said I know. The next say at work I was very cold to him. Avoided talking unless I had to. He called that morning and I said it had to be work only from now on. After two days of that he took me away from everyone and said he hated things like this. I said it has to be. He said he only wanted to comfort me put his arms around me but didn't know if that would just make it worse. He looked like he was going to cry! we talked for a little bit then finally he just grabbed me and hugged me so tight. I just gave in. And hugged him back tears now flowing down my face. He said he was sorry. We pulled apart for a second. Then he just grabbed me and kissed me. It was so passionate so intense. It went from a kiss to a movie scene. From a kiss to almost desperate sex. It was crazy. We just couldn't stop.

                    That whole weekend I felt awful. Knowing that I was going to lose him, I went up and down one minute saying I was done the next saying I wanted him. He was a friend and a lover to me, as he considered me also. I don't want to lose that.

                    So now I am stuck. I said we have to stop. And for the thousandth time we have set a date. It usually doesn't work. But we can try again. In a way I want to stop and try to move on. But I know working with him will be ******************************** I won't be able to be around him feeling the way I do and knowing I can't have him. And stopping never works anyways. But I can't leave my job. On the other hand I want to keep doing this trying thinking maybe after a while his feelings would keep getting stronger like they had already and maybe I could convince him to choose me. Do I take the risk? He is everything I want. (Just a little background, I had been single for two years before everything with him, just because I could never feel anything for anyone. And once again, 8 years faithful and I come and change everything for him too). Is there a chance I could end up with him? His best friend even jokingly says we will end up together, and neither of us have told him anything its just from what he sees at work. Should I try to stick with the date and look for another job? This is not what I want at all. Or should I put it all on the line and try to get him? He has said a thousand times, its not normal. Its like I was made for him in sex, we can fight one minute and be best friends the next, he likes me as a person and cares, more and more it seems, and we absolutely have no control over stopping. I need advice on what to do please!

                    I have shortened this and may have left out some details. So if you have any questions to help you give me better advice please ask! Thank you!

                    Comment

                    or

                    Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                    Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                    Latest Activity On Our Forums

                    Collapse

                    Latest Topics On Our Forums

                    Collapse

                    Working...
                    X