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My boyfriend's ex-wife is making my like miserable!

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  • My boyfriend's ex-wife is making my like miserable!

    Hi everyone, I am new to this forum. I am really not a big fan of blogging, but I am just plain DESPERATE! I will give you all some background on my situation. I've been with my boyfriend for about 20 months now. We have a very good relationship. He is a divorced father of 2 kids (16 and 20 yrs old) His wife divorced him after being married for almost 15 yrs for another man. Even though my bf was aware that she was with this other man, after both separating (he moved out of the house), they were still having sex. He confessed to me when we first met that he was devastated, and although they were separated, he still had feelings for her and she knew it, so she took advantage of it, and still had sex with him. He told me he tried dating other women, but she would be enraged, and once even made a big scandal at the apt. he shared with another single man, when she saw him with this woman he just had a date with. Cops were involved, it was pretty ugly. Now, to my problem. They were not in very good terms when we first started dating, very rarely did they speak, or should I say, text, and when they did, it was not pleasant at all. As time went by, and things got really serious between us, his relationship with her started getting better (his kids practically live with him, although they visit with the mother as well). But during the last few months, they've become very friendly to the point where they kid around with each other. I've noticed it, so I've been reading his text convos with her, and on Sat. I read a message she sent him about a week ago, reminding him that on that day, it would've been their 20th anniversary. He then replied, wow, 20 yrs, the other day I was showing the kids a pic of our wedding, they were laughing, they thought we look like two geeks. So she replies, wow...you still have that pic...what a miracle. then she said: after all I am still the mother of your kids, you can't get rid of me that easy. I also read, a message where he offered to give her coffee to bring home (he buys it by the case at Costco). I went crazy!! I confronted him with the message, and asked him, since when he had such a close friendship with this ************************************************h!! I told him he just needs to speak to her about their kids, and that is it. I am sure that if she could get in his pants, and stay with her boyfriend (with whom she bought a home and is living with), she would!! She did it when they were separated, why not now!! He refuses to confront her about it, and tell her point blank that she needs to stop fooling around with him, that it is not appropriate, he says she is vicious, and will prob. take him to court to raise his child support, and make our life impossible. What do you guys think?? I am about to take this woman and beat the **************** out of her.

  • Why did you go crazy about the coffee? He knows she likes it and buys it for her probably to help keep their interactions on a friendly basis. Sure, he could be looking to hook up with her again, but if he was, why would a case of coffee do it? Because he has children with her, she cannot be completely cut out of his life and his past erased. You have to trust him somewhat about not going back again to a failed relationship. If he cannot be trusted, then maybe your relationship with him has some cracks that need working on.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I do realize I have trust issues, that I'm carrying with me from past relationships. Besides, the fact that his ex wanted to "have her cake and eat it too", in other words, she wanted to be with the other guy and her soon to be ex-husband at the same time, doesn't help either. But when I really think about it, this went on, before I even met him. He still had feelings for her, and she knew it, so she took advantage of the situation. Now that she sees he is happy with me and finally over her, she can't accept it. The fact that she reminded him via text msg that it would've been their 20th anniversary, had they still been married, and then she said that she had many regrets, fond memories and 2 beautiful souvenirs (their 2 kids), is what prompted me to loose it. She had her chance and she blew it...she know lives and owns a home with the man she left my boyfriend for, so she needs to continue to move on and not try to ruin our relationship.


      • Being friendly with the ex is a must when you have kids, even if they are a monster. When parents are nice and on friendly terms, kids handle the separation better. And also the thing is, they did have good times together in the past. This ex may be trying to have her cake and eat it also, but that does not mean your partner wants the same. Unless he has done anything to earn your mistrust, I would trust him and don't let the ex bother you. You will only be letting her win if you let her get under your skin.
        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)


        • YOU are choosing to allow her to "ruin your relationship". She can only get under your skin IF you allow her too. I hate to be so blunt, but this sounds more like a case of "you" problems then "her" problems.

          "Wanting to beat the ...out of her" is but one example. You want to beat up the mother of your boyfriend's children? Really?

          Anger and resentment are the poisons that eat away at us, eventually causing all sorts of medical issues, while the person we are mad at or resent have little if any idea and could care less.

          Work on you so you have something to offer your BF, and anybody else for that matter, then work on the relationship. "Forget" about her, she's not your problem, you are.


          • Hi, I'm not sure if you're still experiencing these problems but I'd like to just that I completely understand what you're going through. Men are very oblivious of how conniving some women can be, especially the exes. The best thing you can do is to talk to him about it and tell him exactly how it makes you feel. I know that sometimes talking doesn't help cos they just don't see things from your point of view. The other night I took the liberty of replying to a message that she decided to send him at 00:30 knowing very well that I was in bed with him, I just told her that she needs to find an appropriate time to reply to his messages because I'm not comfortable with her messaging him so late at night. I would understand if the kids were living with her and it was urgent but their kids actually live with him. He didn't see anything wrong with her replying to a message so late at night that he sent to her earlier on during the day.

            Sometimes the exes do do it on purpose and you just need to handle it like an adult, ignoring it wont make it go away either and fighting will just make it worse. It sounds like you love your boyfriend alot and thats why you stay with him so the best thing you can do to make your relationship better it to also treat him better eg, make special food for him, have a date night once a week, give him massages etc.


            • Roobs, that's some great advice. I must say that I will have to use it!!! LOL, good day!!!


              • Roobs great advice! I believe my boyfriend ex is doing the same thing..trying to get under my skin and it's working. She recently had told him that her job is hiring (government), then she asks him if he gets the job does he want to carpool..ughh. But he sees no need to do that cause she's already out that way. She has text him at 10pm at night talking about how she beat his high score in a game..like really!?!! But, I don't doubt his love for me at all. Oh, the ex is married to the woman she cheated on him with. They've been together for years. He has since (years later) forgiven her and now all of them are "bosom buddies"



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