[dgirl07]

my boyfriend likes to smoke pot. and i cant stand it.

i used to smoke about a year ago and then i realized how ****** it was. my boyfriend then stopped smoking to. after a few months of not smoking he expressed his feelings that he wanted to. and after i asked him not to he agreed.

well within the last month we had a fight because i was trying to control him to much im willing to admit that. and in my eagerness to try and reconcile and get away from that overbearing girlfriend i had become...i was pretty much willing to agree to anything with him.

so when he said he wanted to start smoking again i agreed. but we had to set some compromises. i asked him to only smoke once a week and even less than that if possible. and i asked him to stay at home and not go driving around while he was high.

and he has been following that. but i feel so strongly against it that its really hard for me to be ok with him doing it. and he knows how i feel and the reasons that make me feel the way i do.

both of my parents are drug addicts and they both started out using marijuana. and i have lived a very estranged life when it comes to the relationship with my parents. they have both been out of my life for the last year because they both got into drugs again. they were cleaned up for about 5 years and they were a part of my life in that period. now that they are out of my life again i want to stay clear of the one thing that took my parents away from me.

and it hurts that the one person in my life that i have put so much trust in cannot seem to understand why this hurts and bothers me so much.

since i have agreed to let him smoke pot its become so much more prominent in our lives. not that he smokes everyday but he brings it up in conversation a lot he listens to a lot of music that relates to pot and everytime he talks about it i just tense up and it kind of ruins everything because you can feel the tension between us.

please any advice on the situation would be so helpful.

[kalte.sterne]

During a time while he's not high, explain to him about your parents. Even if he knows it, explain it to him again.

If he blows it off, still drives around while high, disrespects himself and disrespects your concern for his wellbeing, and continues to have bad taste in music I would consider leaving him.

But, I'm sure thats not an option for you, since you said you placed so much trust in him.

not that he smokes everyday but he brings it up in conversation a lot he listens to a lot of music that relates to pot and everytime he talks about it i just tense up and it kind of ruins everything because you can feel the tension between us.

He seems obsessed with pot and it's also hurting his relationship. That means he has a problem. I'd seriously consider getting the help of a professional like a school counselor or some sort of mediator. That might not be possible but it's the best advice I can think of, since your boyfriend sounds like he needs a little help. I don't think it's possible to be addicted to weed, but your boyfriend sounds like a likely candidate.

Also, take this into consideration. Does he have his own place to live? Does he have bills that he has to pay? If he's putting weed before things like buying food (since right now it seems like he's putting weed before your feelings) you should definitely dump him. I wouldn't place trust in someone who endangers their self like you said. (driving while high)

Don't ever think of yourself as overbearing. You've had issues with your parents being drug addicts and it's understandable. If he can't understand that and respect your wishes ..I think you should find a new boyfriend.

[Franny&Zooey]

I think you should explain it to him again. If it means a lot to you, then it should mean a lot to him. My boyfriend went through a similar situation with his ex. She smoked and he is completely against it. They broke up because of it once, but he took her back, even though she made it clear that she would not stop. After that, the relationship was never the same just because of marijuana. I think it shows a lack of character, and if your boyfriend doesn't change now, he won't anytime soon. I'd break up with him. Harsh and easier said than done, but it's my advice to you. Good luck.

[dgirl07]

i really want to say thanks to both of you who posted on this.

we went through a really rough times with this situation one day is was up the next day it was down.

we talked about it, and talked about it AND talked about it and it seemed like we were getting no where...until one day he broke down. he admitted that the pot was ruining his life and that he was going to lose me because of it and he didnt want that he said he wanted to have a good life and he wanted me in it.

in the last month, he moved out of the party house he was living in, got a great full time job, and is no longer smoking pot.

so i guess you could say things are going much better!

thanks for the advice ladies

[geekchic]

Look, if he REALLY cares for you, then he will quit. Bottom line. If he doesn't quit, then you need to look at it another way: how badly do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect your feelings? It may be hard, but if you leave because of what you strongly feel, he should soon follow you if he truely cares for you. If he doesn't, then do you really want to be with him?

My boyfriend moved to another state to be with me and has been clean for nearly 2 years.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Ok, from first hand I'm pretty experienced with pot, it's effects and well, basically everything about it.

It has potential to be a very bad addiction, one which is habit forming and can have wide effects on ones life. The problem with pot, isn't it's irregular use, it's that it easily becomes a habit, one which can be indulged every day. When it is fed every day, it does produce a myriad of problems, ranging from motivation to physical and mental health.

It can, conversely, be very enjoyable, can cause you to think in new ways, analyse your life and the things around you, and be nothing but a benefit. Using pot once a week, in my opinion shows good restraint, and it's a vice that is his choice to indulge. You did well to drag him out of the pit that is habitual use, but the fact is, it's something that people like to do. I don't know if you feel the same about drinking, so I will use another example. Lets say that your parents weren't druggies, and that they had been disabled in a car crash - would your fear of cars rationally stop him from ever using the vehicle again? Both driving and marijuana both have inherent risks, and both are things that people will do.

I would also like to point out that marijuana is not a "gateway" drug, because someone smokes pot simply does not mean that they will progress to harder drugs. The only reason it can even slightly be seen as so is because it's illegal and the guy you're getting your pot off probably has other stuff to offer. Alcohol is a drug, does it lead to heroine? No. Coffee is a drug, does it lead to speed? No. You are basing your fears off flawed information, which isn't your fault per se, you just need to learn more about it.

As for driving while high, sure driving whilst very high isn't a good thing, although I feel that I must point out that it is nowhere near as dangerous as drinking under the influence of alcohol, even a pint or so. Cannabis naturally makes you a lot more cautious, he'll be driving slowly, being paranoid, taking special attention to every factor while he's driving. I know this to be true.

As for being upset that he listens to music that is marijuana related, you're taking steps back to being that controlling woman that you have been in the past. Music is music, art is art, and lots of creative thought has had drugs involved at some point in the process. Many many artists of the french impressionist and surreal movements for example habitually ate hashish for their creative visions and explorations, does that mean we need to burn their artwork? Marijuana is a part of peoples lives, and as such, it will be a part of the art that reflects those lives - stand in the way of that and you become a censor, which can never lead to anything good.




AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHGH! I just realised this thread has been F*CKING NECRO'd.

Thanks for wasting my time.

Please please please please dont post in threads that are a year old, someone like me will come along and waste a quarter of an hour for nothing.

Think before you post! CHRIST!

[sourpuss]

Lol, Anon! Simmer down, someone other than the original poster may find your post useful.

[missyann]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHGH! I just realised this thread has been F*CKING NECRO'd.

Thanks for wasting my time.

Please please please please dont post in threads that are a year old, someone like me will come along and waste a quarter of an hour for nothing.

Think before you post! CHRIST!

Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh my god, I love you!