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  • roselilly4425
    Junior Member
    • Aug 2012
    • 1

    Why won't he come to me?

    I've always had a lot of self-confidence in dating.
    If I wanted someone I'd go out and get them, but sometimes I want to be approached too. My current relationship hasn't been working that way at all. No matter what it is.
    For example, if we get into an argument and we stop talking for a few hours I always have to make that phone call to get him to talk to me, or if I'm in the mood I generally would like him to initiate but he never does. I feel like this happens too often. I understand some people need others to be straight-forward, but is there anyway I can get him to come to me?
    Should I give him more space?

  • celestexoo
    Member
    • Aug 2012
    • 10

    I think the fact that you're asking yourself "should I give him more space" means you're aware of your own emotions about the situation, so you're probably not being too clingy. This might be difficult to bring up, but it sounds like something you should definitely consider talking about with your boyfriend. Honesty and discussion is KEY in any relationship, so you should really tell him how you feel and ask him to be open about his feelings too. Maybe you'll learn something new about him and he will also be more understanding of your thoughts on this

    Comment

    • KMonte85
      Veteran Member
      • Oct 2009
      • 3303

      I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about your expectations. You can't just subliminally make him come to you. Guys need (and appreciate) their SO's being straightforward with their wants/needs.

      Comment

      • Element
        Veteran Member
        • Jun 2012
        • 308

        Well sweetie, you have to remember that women and mind are two different creatures. While most women like that her man will hunt her down after a fight, men don't think like that. They see that she needs space and things will get worse if they intrude when their woman is highly emotional.

        I think you two need to work on your communication and reading each others "signs". Does he know how you act when you're feeling randy? Does he read the gestures, the way your eyes move, how you speak? These are all things that are learned after time.

        Comment

        • Sunlight72
          Member
          • Jul 2012
          • 29

          From a guys' perspective (mine)...

          if we get into an argument and we stop talking for a few hours I always have to make that phone call to get him to talk to me
          In this case, Yes, Give Him Some Space. Let him call you (even if it's not for one or two days, it does Not mean he doesn't like you).

          Call a friend instead. Go ride your bike. Stop thinking about the argument. He likely forgot it 30 to 60 minutes after it was over, but doesn't feel happy to call you and share some fun with you until he has 'reset' emotionally, subconciously, which could take 6 hours or until just before he goes to bed, or wakes up the next morning. (I can almost see your eyes pop open, but listen Rose - he is not a chick. He does not operate on your timetable because he is a guy. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It means he is a guy, and guys are different than girls. It's natural.)

          If you try this with good effort of not calling, and letting him call you first, and he doesn't call for two days after every one of three arguments in a row, then talk to him and be very honest about missing him and wondering how much he cares about your relationship if he doesn't make the effort to call.

          if I'm in the mood I generally would like him to initiate but he never does
          This is something you should talk to him about. He doesn't know when you're in the mood, and perhaps he is uncomfortable about being grabby and mistakenly giving the impression he doesn't respect you as a person.

          I fall into that pattern, and it is really helpful when my girlfriend reminds me that she likes me to initiate intimacy. Every so many months though, I need to hear again that it's OK and that she likes it. Otherwise I start to feel she is only "letting me" get her into bed out of obligation, which starts to feel creepy and disrespectful (toward her) to me.

          Comment

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