[hholler]

We are taught that it's right to not expect people to be perfect, but to accept eachother's flaws. I see my boyfriend's flaws of trash-talking the mother of his child (who is not a wonderful person at all), blaming his parents for not allowing him to pursue his passion of football further, and often having a certain level of arrogance, like he sometimes thinks that no one alive is as great as him.

Are these just flaws that should be accepted as someone's downfalls? I've dated other men who had terrible things about them that I left ASAP... I do love this person I'm with now, but I'm constantly battling with the question of if I'm setting myself up for a failed marriage in the future. I fear him talking about me the same way he talks about the mother of his child. I fear him blaming me for his shortcomings later on in life... I don't want that.

When I decide clearly in my head that I need to end the relationship I can't do it. I think about all of the troubles I'll be causing him, myself, our puppies who live together, and I think I'm just being too picky and expecting too much perfection in a person.
Why is this so difficult? I often imagine my ideal partner somewhere out there wanting to laugh, sing, dance, talk about intelligent things, be happy, carefree, and loving with a great family and I feel like I'm cheating this person who ever they are where ever they are the longer I spend with someone that I have doubts about. Does anyone know how I'm feeling? Please don't tell me: oh yes, these are bad signs and you need to leave...

I just want to know if anyone can relate and help me understand why this is so difficult for me and how can I work around these barriers? This can have a happy ending either way... staying or leaving. It's the thoughts in my head that need to either change or be acted upon. I don't know how to get myself to do either one and therefore I've been pretty uncomfortable since I've been unable to address this issue with myself successfully.

[rcoreyus]

Don't get into a relationship hoping that the other person will change - often they won't. I think the biggest test of a relationship is whether you are happy with this person when you are together.

There are no perfect people, but there are people who's flaws are things you can happily live with, and who can live with your flaws. The things you ask for are all reasonable to expect.

So -are you happy in this relationship?

[jns]

Guys generally do not change. Can you live with him being the way he is?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

hholler, you know that gut feeling you have as a woman? The one that tells you "warning"...

Listen to it.

This guy is angry at the world and will blame everyone but himself, for his own failures.

The baby's Mother is to fault, his Mother is at fault, it honestly sounds as if he has a problem with women.

He is "it" because he is a male, he has to be right.

I wonder how his life was with his Father.

Your dreams are real but be aware we can't expect the total picket fence there will be hickups, but we can expect simular as to what you described, just not with this guy sweet, he has issues he has to sort out for himself. You can't be dragged into this or else you will drag yourself down with him.