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Happy, stable relationship... why am I feeling "off"?

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  • Happy, stable relationship... why am I feeling "off"?

    Hello friends, I've been having a very strange feeling in my relationship for a while, and I don't know how to explain it.

    I adore my boyfriend, who I've been with for about two years. He is outstandingly kind, thoughtful, supportive, and loving. I feel very close with him and it's great to share so much with someone. We live together and tell each other every day that we love each other. But for some reason... something feels kind of off to me. Maybe "stagnant" is the word? I'm very confused by it, because he is everything I could ask for. I lost my sex drive a few months ago, and I don't think it's because I don't find him attractive, I just go through periods where I have no interest in sex... however, I think it's hard for him, although he tries not to say anything about it. I feel like it's just not really romantic anymore, even though it's only been two years.

    I've always hoped that I could have a lifelong relationship with him. If we broke up, I would always miss him. I think the biggest scare for me about possibly spending the rest of my life with him is the fact that he REALLY wants a family, and I REALLY don't. Even though that decision is relatively far off, it still burdens me, and I dread it. When he asks if we can have a family, I say that I will if we can adopt (I love the idea of adoption... although I'm not positive that I'd even do that unless my partner wanted to) but I don't know if he's very excited about that. One or both of us will have to make major sacrifices in the future if we want to stay together, and I think that burdens me heavily, even now.

    I have to admit, I've never been attracted to other guys while I've been with him. But in the past few months, I've felt these sparks of attraction towards other guys. I have a little bit of attraction towards a friend, which is really uncomfortable, because he's a wonderful friend and I'd be really sad if I had to stop seeing him (not to mention, he would probably wonder why one of his best friends suddenly didn't want to see him anymore.) I don't know what's wrong with me. Even though my boyfriend and I talk about everything, I haven't talked to him about any of this because I'm afraid of hurting him. He does so much for me, I keep hoping I'll just overcome this feeling.

    I feel like there's some "spark" I have to reignite somehow but I'm not sure how. What do you do when a good relationship just starts feeling less exciting? Thank you for letting me share my feelings with you, I do not have too many friends, and I don't have anybody to talk to about this. I appreciate your responses very much.
    Last edited by azalea; 09-27-2012, 12:51 PM. Reason: typos

  • So i can kinda relate to this. Ive been with my bf for over 3 yrs now and up til recently i have always kind of felt he was a bit boring for me. I am an outgoing social party girl who loves to drink and have a great time. Hes very kinda anti social and is a home body. And it always kinda bothered me that we were 'missing something'. I wud want to go out with him and he wud want to just stay home. Even our sex life got a bit boring. But recently i have figured out how to turn it around. I started going with him to do things he likes to do. Like fishing or to football games. I started having fun in his world. Really opening myself up to new things that i cud enjoy too. And in return he is now open to doing more of the things i like to do. And our sex life has been awesome lately and my sex drive has improved dramatically. Cause when u can go out and have a good time together and just relax,laugh together and enjoy each others company...u find urself wanting more later on when together in bed. Also for the first time in my life i bought sex toys. I highly reccomend this for u guys ifu want some new spark! He wud be thrilled. Def spices up any sex life. And i totally am the same as you when ur scared of having a family and he wants one. Im in the same boat. I dont really want babys and my bf brings it up alot. Ifeel like i break his heart when i tell him i dont want a baby. He takes it personally like i dont Want to gave His baby. This one im still trying to figure out. I tell myself in 5yrs ill see how i feel then. But be true to how u really feel about it. If u really dont want one,dont just have kids to make him happy

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    • Thank you kerry, it helps to know I'm not the only one who's had this feeling. I feel like it gets a little boring too... it's wonderful to have a sweet, caring guy who's supportive and down-to-earth, but I wish that he was just a bit more outgoing sometimes. I love to have a balance of outgoing and relaxation in my life. He's pretty quiet, and I guess I wish we could both be just a little more loud, exciting and adventurous. I don't think he's crazy about that though, he's more interested in curling up to read a book or watch a movie.

      I've been feeling like the relationship was getting just a bit dull for a little while... we still love each other just as much, it's just not super exciting. I was reading about the different stages of relationships, because I wanted to know more about the way I'm feeling. I realized that I really LOVE that "infatuation" stage, but I also love the "stability and trust" stage, and I kind of wish I could have both at the same time, but I don't know how to bring the infatuation back with somebody that I've spent so much time with. I think that need for infatuation is what's making me have a little crush on a friend, even though I wouldn't want to be with him. It feels very frustrating and I wish it was something I could do. I would never choose to feel attracted to someone else while I love my boyfriend so much, but I do, and can't seem to will the feelings away. I feel very disappointed with myself :[ and now I'm not sure whether I should stop seeing my close friend or not until I get over my stupid little crush on him.

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