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Brother to brother??

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  • Brother to brother??

    Hey all! Any thoughts?

    For the last year or so I've been nursing feelings for a 30 year old I'll call 'Mark' whom I know through a mutual organization.
    I am 19 years old, but have always found it much easier to relate to and interact with older peers.
    Mark is one of those personalities that draw people to them like moths to a lamp; outgoing and charismatic.
    In the past there may have been some light flirting between us, but sometimes it was hard to tell...
    Seeing as I am now volunteering for his organization and he is my superior, I have always tried to keep our relationship professional.
    However I've never quite been able to put Mark entirely out of my mind, even throughout a short-lived relationship I had with another man last year.

    Just this week was Mark's birthday, and I was invited to the small party at a fancy restaurant along with some other friends and his two younger brothers.
    It seems that charm, good-looks and success run in those siblings
    The youngest, 'Brandon' and I hit it off early in the evening and had a great conversation.
    Needless to say though I was and wasn't surprised when the next day Brandon messaged asking for a date.
    My friends think that Brandon is far better suited for me given the smaller age difference. (He is 26)
    I am definitely looking forward to our date, but is it strange for me to be going out with the younger brother of the man I'd been secretly infatuated with for months?

    Note: I actually told Mark that his little brother had asked me out and he said he was cool with whatever happened. So I guess that answers that about if there was ever any potential for him and I.

    Thanks for your advice!

  • I think it's reasonable to assume that Mark isn't considering you for a romantic liaison because of both your age and your position as his subordinate. If you've known him longer than the few months you said you were infatuated with him, it wasn't too long ago that you were jailbait - and the lives of a 19-year-old and a 30-year-old may mesh much more poorly than you expect, no matter how mature you are.

    I say, give his little brother a fair shot. Not just because of Mark, but because he's a guy with lots of qualities you like. Unlike his brother, he's opening the door to a romantic connection. The seven years between you are still considerable, but without the extra dynamic of superior/subordinate from work, maybe it'll come out in the wash.
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    • You've already said yes to a date with the younger brother. Mark is totally off limits FOR EVER. Even if you don't go through with it, he will never try to date you. Unless he was already madly in love with for a while, he is not going to date a woman his baby brother was attracted to. Forget about Mark and move on. He can always be your secret crush.
      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)


      • I had a relationship once with a much older guy. It can be a little tough to keep a relationship going when you're at different stages in life, even when you're both mature. Your experiences and needs in life vary, even if you get along great. I even have a bit of trouble with my boyfriend who is five years older than me - he wants marriage, a family, etc, but I'm not there yet. You especially don't want to get involved in a relationship with someone who works above or below you professionally.... that can get very complicated.

        Brandon sounds great! If the only thing keeping you from going on a date with someone is feelings for someone else who it's not working with, then you should definitely give the date a try. You may be pleasantly surprised and enjoy the date a lot, and you'll get over Mark. Go for it and have fun! It sounds exciting!



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