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Is 'almost' cheating, still cheating??

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  • Is 'almost' cheating, still cheating??

    Hello,

    I'm in a very confusing dilemma with my boyfriend at the moment, and I'm afraid to talk to my friends about it because if we do stay together, I don't want them to think badly of him.

    My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship for a year now. We live about three hours apart from each other so we spend at least every second weekend together.In the last few months I noticed unusual activity on his facebook account, conversations with a girl he had never mentioned to me, with all kinds of injokes. There was flirting going on so I asked him about it, and explained how it looked and felt to me, when I saw these messages. He accepted that and he offered to delete her as he doesn't know her that well at all.

    That was all fine until I did a bad thing this weekend. He left his email open and I went on to see if he was communicating with this girl through email. I didn't find anything ti do with her, but I did read messages that had been sent to an ex girlfriend of his.
    These messages had been sent five months into our relationship. She is from a different country and was visiting his city. From what I gather he invited her to stay with him in his one bedroom apartment, he also said that he'd love to take her out to dinner. As some of the communication seems to have been done by phonecalls, because in the next email she said that it wouldn't be a good idea for them to meet as she still cares about him and thinks he's cute. In a follow on email, she changes her mind and says that she will meet him for dinner.

    The most hurtful mail was the one from my boyfriend to her after they had met. He said that he was glad that they got to meet for a short time in the afternoon, and that the reason he wasn't sure if they should meet was that he wasn't sure how he would react to seeing her and he didn't want to be tempted. He also said that seeing as she has a new boyfriend that wouldn't have happened anyway...

    I'm so hurt. There was mention, no thought of me. He is basically saying to her that if she hadn't refused to sleep with him because she has a boyfriend, they would have done it. I feel like I'm a poor second choice. I asked him casually if he has seen her since they broke up and he lied to me and said he hadn't. In the same tones he tells me he adores me and wants us to spend our lives together. What do I believe? Will he always have the capacity to wander?

    I adore him, and have always been honest and truthful with him. Our relationship has become a lot more serious in the last four months, both emotionally and physically. For the first seven months sex was not great, because he was having some trouble in that department. I was really patient and eventually it all worked out and is great now. He even says that that was a tough time for him as he didn't know why he couldn't perform with me. He will be moving back to my city next year and wants to move in with me. I don't want to make excuses for him but I also don't want to throw away something that could be great, just for a mistake that he may have made. Is it possible that he was feeling inadequate with me?? Or is he just the cheating type?

    Would really appreciate any insight on this x

  • It is really hard to say. Mabye he wasn't taking this relationship all that serious because it was long distance, and awkward at that time. Mabye he was but has feelings still for this other girl and could easily get away with it. He lied, and that isn't a good thing. He was also flirting with another girl on FB. Mabye he likes attention from women too much, and it will continue to be a problem. Mabye as your relationship gets closer and better he will be more committed. I have been fooled by many men, so just keep your eyes open and listen to your own gut, not just what he tells you.
    “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” - William Arthur Ward

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    • My advice: If he had to hide it, then he shouldn't be doing it. Period!

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