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please help boyfriend cheated with a guy!

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  • please help boyfriend cheated with a guy!

    Ok well for starters ive been dating this totally perfect guy for 8 months now its been the perfect relationship ive never been treated so well in my life then it all came crashing down about a week before our 8 months i started having gut feelings that he was cheating jus by the way he was acting that something was goin on so i checked his phone n found messages to a guy about meeting him n stuff so i freaked i woke him up n he told me everything n said all that happened was that he got a blowjob from him n that was it n tht he didnt like n tht he jus had to make sure he wasent gay cuz of stuff tht happened to him when he was little tht made him confused n so we tlked it out n stayed together n then a couple weeks later i i find gay porn in the recently searched n then i find more emails from today even talking bout meeting more guys and he doesnt know i this cuz i dnt wanna know what i knoe i dnt wanna lose him buh at same time im scared hes gay n im gonna lose him forever n so i dnt know if i should tell him i knoe because he thinks that i stopped going threw his stuff buh i couldn't stop thinkin of the what ifs so i looked and now im so confused on what to do i dnt wanna believe that this perfect guy is gay or bi. Someone please jus help decide or give advice

  • Not exact Quote, I edited with Spell Check to understand what you were saying . No insult intended, just that I'm older and some of the new " texting kind of shortcut words " confuse me and I have to read it a few times to actually get the issue clear .
    he told me everything and said all that happened was that he got a blowjob from him and that was it and that he didn't like it and that he just had to make sure he wasn't gay because of stuff that happened to him when he was little that made him confused
    What are your Ages , do you live together ?

    If he was abused when he was young, he may very well be confused. Even if he wasn't abused, he could still be confused .

    He had a BJ from a guy and didn't like it ? Or so he tells you but possibly he did like it, but with your " freaking out " he may have just not admitted it .
    Though if he is visiting websites that show or depict Gay porn , he still may be undecided as to his sexual preference .

    You might want to ask yourself, can you still be with him if he is Bi Sexual ? This meaning he wants to be with Guys and Girls and have Sex and Relationships with Both sexes ?
    I'm not talking about Loving him , you can still love him either way. But can you see a future with him as a Couple ?

    Can you know or suspect he has been with another guy and then come home and make love with you ?
    Or for that matter another girl ?

    Decide what you want with him , Faithfulness, Monogamy or can you share him ?
    This does not mean you cannot Love him or be his Friend or support his choices .

    This means that You Must Decide just What you can deal with in your Life and your Sexuality and beliefs .

    Take some time, Google a subject/title called
    Be Yourself - Questions and Answers for Gay,Lesbian and Bi's .
    Even though it is set mainly for teens, it was quite informative to me . And gave me things to think about on how those different types of people ( from me ) think, feel and act ..

    I don't wanna lose him but at same time i'm scared hes gay and i'm gonna lose him forever
    100% sure, you will lose him totally as someone in your life, if you don't read up on it, discuss with him the possibilities of his Sexuality . Decide and accept between you two how your relationship should progress. It may Change to friends, Best Friends which is OK if he is this " Perfect Guy ". He just may not be the Perfect Guy for You !!

    When you do have this talk, hopefully after you do some Research ( Not Snooping ) , you and he may have some Trust issues, Especially him, as you are Snooping, you are going into his Private places, you are showing you do not Trust him, therefore he may not Trust you enough to be Honest with you .

    Age and Maturity and how we were raised and how we were taught does affect how we accept and think and Judge and react . And then Love is thrown in the middle of it .

    Even I to my Wonder, have learned to accept others of different beliefs and principals.I may not agree or join their beliefs or lifestyles. But I can accept they also have their rights to chose . Though I myself am " Traditional " and would not be sexually Involved with anyone that may be Sexually Involved with another at the same time as Me. Nor would I be sexually Involved with a Woman, as I am a Woman . But.. With that said . I can only speak for myself on my preference.

    I can however Love those that are different than myself .


    • Yeah sorry i was on my phone doing this my laptop broke but we are both 19 and we live together ive been hinting about it and he is swearing by that he is straight n didnt like what happened so im still confused i dont know if i should not mention anything cause i know i wanna be with him still regardless of what happened n whats going on now and thankyou for the advice i did ask myself those questions and the answers i got helped me alot so thankyou


      • Whether or not he is bi doesn't really matter, it doesn't give him the right to cheat. It is possible that this has satisfied his curiosity for ever and he won't do it again, but also quite possible this wasn't the first time and won't be the last.

        Straight men do not go and get BJs from other men because they are "curious". Its OK for him to be attracted to men and women, but he can't act on that attraction in a monogamous relationship.


        • Ask yourself this, if he cheated with a girl, would you walk away?

          You have to be assertive here.. Too many girls allow guys to do things and get away with it, through fear of "well where do I go from here?".. I know you live with him and possibly it would mean moving back home. I know you "think" you are in the perfect relationship but if you were, he wouldn't be cheating.

          Un-fortunately bi/gay guys can hide behind a woman as they don't want the world to know for obvious reasons until they are ready to come out, if they are ever ready to come out.

          He could be telling you the truth, things happened to him as a child, he could have been molested and therefore is a victim of a confused boy, which sadly can offen be the case. He needs help in closure of what ever happened to him and guidance of how to decide who he is. At the moment, I think he is testing the water to do exactly that, find out who he is.

          I think you should say to that him and explain to him that whilst you love him, you feel he needs to be on his own at present to find out who he is and to seek help with closure and that you are not a door mat to walk on, cheating is cheating.

          I think you will find that if he is, you two will remain close, very close friends which in effect means you never lost him, just he's not for you, he has a different journey to take than you do...

          Be an Adult here... There is so much love out there to be had, there always comes along someone better.. He can not just cheat and get away with it ok.. You are worth more than that.


          • Yeah...he's at least bi. You have enough examples sitting right in front of you, accept them. Move on. Find someone else. This relationship is already done for.


            • I'm with Element, time to move on.
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


              • I wouldn't tolerate oral sex or emails to another person in a relationship no matter what sex they are. I would assume that he's either bi and a cheater, or he's gay and you are a cover. Either way, if it was me I would run for the hills.
                “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” - William Arthur Ward



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