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been with boyfriend for 6 years NEED ADVICE!

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  • been with boyfriend for 6 years NEED ADVICE!

    hey everyone,

    This is my first post. I just need some advice on my relationship. ive been with my boyfriend for 6 years and now i feel like it may have been a mistake. I love him so much but I just feel like he always puts other people namely his friends, and work over me. He expects me to change my plans according to his schedule because he works so much (2 jobs) and all i do is work one job at the moment and go to the gym. I feel really hurt by his comments. We both are planning to go to medical school and are trying our best to save money for that. Its a long and expensive journey that we have planned to take together. but day after day I feel like he brags about how hes going to make so much money, and that he'll achieve HIS goal is to pay off med school by the end of this year. I feel like my goals which happen to be the SAME are ignored. He talks about himself so much and if I have something important to talk about he acts like he has all the answers and tell me what I should be doing. Another problem is that days that I am super busy and don't have time to call or text him, or even make plans with him he gets mad at me and tells me that I don't make enough time for him. Numerous times i had to cancel my plans and shift them around for him and i don't feel like i'm getting the same effort from him. its not that he doesn't go out of his way for me at all. He has on occasion but lately hes gotten so money hungry that we've cancelled our date plans for the past month. Oh and he hates planning and scheduling dates too. He thinks its not romantic at all and will kill our relationship. But i feel if I was to wait for a spontaneous moment at this point for him to make a romantic gesture and take me out...i'll be waiting forever.... what should I do? i tried pointing out that he's being a hypocrite for expecting me to change my plans all the time but he thinks im being childish about it and don't care that he's working 2 jobs. ive always been so patient with him...but i feel like now my patience is running out. Please help me!

  • Relationships should make you happy. If they don't, and 6 years is long enough to see how things will go, then maybe its better that they end. Its not at all important whose "fault" it is, there are lots of completely reasonable people who just aren't right for each other. I also think that is very rare for only one person to be happy in a relationship. If one is unhappy, the other probably is as well - so leaving such a relationship may actually be doing them a favor.

    Comment


    • Personally, it sounds to me that your boyfriend is all about "me".. No where did he say and then I'll save up for your College so you can go as well, sooner...

      Cancelling date nights, I suspect that he pays for, so that he can achieve his goals is greed...

      Doing what he wants and then having you cancel when he feels like your company is greed.

      We grow apart in life but this does not sound like a man that would stand by you if you had no income what so ever. I suspect he would feel like you are using his money and you would feel like, you are not important to him.

      In my opinion, a man who does not understand what constitutes a relationship and that is togetherness, one is down you help them out, equality is one whom will destroy that relationship eventually, because it isn't one.
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • Sounds like his future talk is about "me" and not a lot of "you" and "we." Chandler's wish makes a great point about the finances. He is clearly seeing this as "yours" and "mine." Six years is a very long time to still be thinking that way. It clearly says either a) I'm not committed to you (or we), or b) I'm not, and maybe never will be, willing to make significant sacrifices for you (or others). Have you ever seen him make a genuine sacrifice of time, money or effort on someone else's behalf.

        It's almost a cliche about med students in that they date someone who is supportive, accommodating and tolerant of their insane schedules and financial needs only to drop them when they are finished and ready to harvest the fruits of their labor.

        It sounds like you can do much better. Find someone willing to make commitments and sacrifices for others.

        Comment


        • Hey thanks for your comments. As for your comment chandlers wish, it's not that he has to pay for the meals or anything because we usually split that anyways. I just feel like he's taking me for granted just assuming that I should always be available whenever he needs to. I see what you mean and I do feel that he is being greedy but I don't want to throw away such a long relationship. How do I make him realize that my time is important too and that he should be able to give me at least one day so we can spend some time together. I don't know if this is really a big issue or not but is it wrong for him to keep track of money that he has lent to me when I don't even think twice to keep track of what he owes to me. I owe him like 90$ from my birthday party when we booked a hotel for us to crash in after we went out. Oh yea and he hasn't gotten me a birthday gift either or a even a card... He mentions once in a while that he still has to get me something for my birthday and asks me what I want but I kind of feel like he should know me well enough by now to pick out a gift for me that I don't have to ask for. Is that silly? And he sometimes says that yea if he makes enough money hell be able to help me pay for school too. I don't know do we need a break? We've been through so much together that it seems wrong to break up over this but I just have this nagging feeling inside me that saying the opposite.

          Comment


          • I don't know if this is really a big issue or not but is it wrong for him to keep track of money that he has lent to me when I don't even think twice to keep track of what he owes to me. I owe him like 90$ from my birthday party when we booked a hotel for us to crash in after we went out. Oh yea and he hasn't gotten me a birthday gift either or a even a card... He mentions once in a while that he still has to get me something for my birthday and asks me what I want but I kind of feel like he should know me well enough by now to pick out a gift for me that I don't have to ask for. Is that silly? And he sometimes says that yea if he makes enough money hell be able to help me pay for school too. I don't know do we need a break?
            Ask yourself, what does he owe you? He feels you owe $90 so he keeps records of everything..

            Hun, even a $10 bunch of flowers and a card with words that mean something is more important than a handbag, don't you disagree with me you lot It is. This guy to me, is what you call a tightwat.. It truly is about money and him. Imagine Divorce, he will fight you till the end to ensure you and your baby ( yes) get nothing.. Is this what you want?

            I know 6 years is a long time sheez I was married for 7 .. And this guy could be my ex husband.

            Telling you that he remembers he forgot. mmmmm.

            If you do not take a break, and keep it that way and let him see what he has lost and let him realise what he had, and how stupid he is being on the relationship sides of things "share" he is only sharing with dating because he doesn't want to pay the whole lot that's it.. Then this is what you have to contend with all your life...

            Again what does he owe you.
            What have you bought him.
            What love have you given un-conditionally without question.

            Question where you are.
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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