I need urgent help! really dont know what to do
hello guys, sorry am not a women but a guy an i think a women s input would help me loads.. this will be very, very a long story but please bare with me as you will need the full picture in order to understand my situation and hopefully advice me.
i am a 25 year old guy and my heart break starts like this...in march 2012 my brothers wifes younger sister (who is also 25) came to visit us from pakistan. me my brother, his wife and my sister live in the same house. she came to visit the uk as my sister was getting married and so she could come help organize the event. now she came in march and slowly and slowly we grew close and we both had an affair. we both had alot in common i.e we liked the same stuff, we got along great etc. as i lived with her during her visit i saw her and observed her and thought she was great. every morning she should make me breakfast, take care of me etc. every night we should talk to each other, tell each other stories etc. we kissed, had cuddles held hands etc. we were both living in a bubble you know enjoying the moment. while she was here we didn't really talk about long term stuff as we where just living in the moment but once while she was with me i asked her do you love anyone else in which she declared no you are my first true love.
Know as she is 25 as well her parent where looking for an husband for her (its an Asian thing). i knew about this but didn't pay any attention to it as i was living in the moment and i didnt really think about that. When i should talk to other girls in friend wise, while she was with me she should get really jealous and go angry with me. i thought that all girls are like that so i didn't think much into it.
She stayed in the UK till July the first which was about 4 months she stayed. During that time we got closer and closer and where together practically all the time. it was really exciting and i loved every minute and everyday. the day she left for the airport, getting into the car she was crying. i could see she was hurting and in some sense i was as well. when she got to the airport and my brother and his wife left her, she rang me saying ali please i don't want to leave you, please i want the plane to crash i cant leave you etc. she was crying her eyes out during this convo.
i was kind of hurting inside and i tired to comfort her. Anyways she left and went back to Pakistan. During her flight i was constantly thinking of her and really really missed her. I didn’t realize i would feel like this. I felt something really special had left me. anyways after she landed and went back to her house she facebook messaged me saying i miss you loads and loads. She told me please ali do not write anything on my facebook account as my sister (her younger one) knows her passward and she will find out about us.
So i decided to open another facebook account for her with just me added to it so we can speak safely. I also opened a skype account for her so we can talk (calling Pakistan cost loads so this was the cheapest option.) the first week she was back in pakistant she should facebook me saying al ii love you, am in love with you, my life is hell in Pakistan with out you, i dream about you, i want to touch you again etc, over skype she should cry and tell me al ii don’t know what to do etc. i missed her loads as well.
Then after a week she messaged me saying al ii want to be your life partner so will you marry me. i was shocked cos i didn’t really think about that, and as a guy your generally scared of commitment. I loved her but i panicked. I panicked because i knew my mum would probz never except as my brother is married to her sister. Plus my mum is really strict and if she found out i had an affair with her hell would break lose (its an Asian thing so keep that in mind), the girl said to me look ali if you say yes you will marry me i will sort everything else out.
She said My parent will except as they love me and my sisters and your brother will be ok with it (her parent think really highly of me and really like me) She even went to say even if there not ok we can run away and get married and as time goes they will accept. She was saying this during the first 2 weeks after she went back. I would never go against family as i love and respect them to much. I know if we leave our families we will both be unhappy.
I said to her look, give it 2-3 months and lets see what happens. It wasn't a yes but it wasn't a no as i panicked and i was scared of commitment. I also made her promise not to tell any family about this as it could cause allot of trouble. She agreed and said ok i will give you 6 months to a year (i haven’t got a job yet as i just finished uni.)we continued to speak with each other via facebook, skype etc. we flirted talked with each other with everything. She continued to say she loves me and misses me etc.we had little arguments during this time but nothing big. this continued for about 5-6 weeks and during this time I knew i was madly in love with her and i wanted her as my life partner. Now during the mid august, one day she came on facebook and said ali look the is i no point waiting for me as my parent have found me a husbandband its 80% fixed.
I was shocked and went weak. I panicked from the news and said look please say no. I love you and want to marry you. She was like no its never going to happen its 99% fixed, my parent will never except. I begged her and she said no. I asked her do u love me, she was like love doesn’t matter his going to be my husband etc. (every thing she said was like i can’t marry you never i wont, which i found really wierd.) i really really begged her not to leave me but she kept saying i cant be with you. For two days i couldn’t eat of sleep, i was really low and depressed and didn't know what to do. On the second day my good friend rang me we where talking and he knew something was up (i hadn't told no one about us to this point) i told him the situation and he was upset i never said anything before, as in what else are friends for.
He advised me to tell my mum or my brothers wife. I couldn't at this point as my mum would kill me and my brothers wife would find it weird as its her younger sister. he then told me look ali if you don’t do that ask the girl look am ready to marry you if you want, so tell me do you love me. she dodged the question and kept saying its never going to happen etc and let us remain friends. so i told a few other friend the story and they advised me to ignore her for a few days and that will get to her. I took there advice and ignored her text, facebook message etc for 2 days.
Then one morning i woke up early and logged into facebook and at that exact time she logged in as well. She was like ali look let me explain everything. She told me basically that the guys name jermil haXXX and she’s known the guy for 6 years, she goes the guys family wanted her as a bride for 6 years years but her family said no cos she has to finish studies etc. she goes his loved her for 6 years years and at one point she loved him but didn’t do anything as she was scared of her parent. She goes they remained good friends
. She went on to say that while she was in the uk they guys family gave the proposal for her and her parent accepted. And after she went back to Pakistan she told the guy i don’t love you and i don’t want to marry you, he ignored her as he thought she was just missing her sister and the uk.
She told her mum i don’t wan to marry him and her mum said we have given our word to the guy so were not going back on our word. She then apparently rang her older sister who lives in America and told her look i don’t want to marry this guy and ali loves me. she apparently was shocked but said ok let me talk to my sister (my brothers wife) and see what she says.
She apparently did and my brothers wife was ok with it, so the American sister rang her mum and said look how about we give amira (thats the girls name that i love.) her mum goes no, we have given our word to other family and are not going back on it.
Her American sister told amira this and said look the other guy is good for you so no problem. Now amira was like to me look see my situation I’m like a candle. i was like to her its your life your decision, shes like if i marry you i will have to leave my family which i cant do. She was also like if i tell the guy i don’t want to marry you, apparently he will kill himself as he madly loves her. She told me not to tell her sisters this as they apparently don’t know her parent had agreed to this (this seemed really weird to me as am 100% sure her mum and dad will tell there elder daughters about the guy) At this point i was happy that she told me the story and felt sorry for her.
I told my friends all this and they were like ali tell your brothers wife. I told my brother wife, look i love amira and she loves me. she was abit shocked but she said i have no probz and she goes shel ask amira. Now i told amira this and she flipped and said how dare u! U broke my promise, how could you, she was like am going to tell her no i don’t love you and that he said he will cut all communication with me if i say i don’t marry him (i said to her before i cant be friends with you as a love you too much and i will have to cut all communication.) i was like look this is your last chance if you want me you will say yes and if no that.s it between you and me..
Now a week went past (start of September now) and my brothers wife didn’t bring it up again which i found really weird as this was a serious matter. During that week amira was being a super ..
saying i never loved you i was only having fun with you, your a lair, cheater, bad boy etc etc. i ignored all that. She was also saying how could you break my promise and tell your friends about us. I found that weird how did she know i talk to my friends and get there advice. The only person that knows i talk to my friends is my brothers wife. Then it clicked! My brother wife must have told her ohhh he talks to his friend and there probz advising him. I told my friends there like trust me ali your brothers wife knows all, they all do. Anyways i was really at a low point now and one day i was using my laptop and accidently..
I double clicked the tag for putting your user name in..it came up with all the people that logged in before, i went down the list and i saw aminas login name and below it another one that that is didn't know of. Then its hit me the name surname was similar to the guys name she told me but the first name was different. I felt like crying! She knew his username and password and should log into his account while she was with me.. i then realised that guy should comment on her pics from 2-3 years ago..it hit me badly,
i rang my friends and they said ali she played you..shes been with that guy for ages, why else would she know his password etc. they where like shes Cuss Word she cheated on the other guy with you and she played you! Then i realised that she didn’t want me to write stuff on her facebook because they guy knows her password not her sister and he would find out about us. I felt sooo low i cant describe it. I was really hurt and felt like the whole world was crashing down on me. my friends basically said look try see if she tells you the truth and told me try to catch her out. So i skpyed her and basically said look whats the guys name again, she gave me the false name, i asked her did u talk to him on facbook while u where with me, shes like no i taked to other friends, she said some more Cuss Word
And i was like look i no everything, i no his real name, i no you know his facebook password and should should talk to him while you where with me. she went quite for abit and said, how do you know who told you, you cant blackmail my sister (my brothers wife) and get anything out of her. This again i found weird as it brings up suspicion that my brothers wife knows stuff. Basically to cut it sort i found out that her sisters know about me and her and knew shes with that guy for ages..i don’t know what she said about me but i know that it wasn't the truth and they see me in a different way. Also i found out that it wasn't true when she said the guy gave proposal while she was in uk am sure it was after she went back. There' other stuff but i think this is long enough. The wedding with the other guy is going ahead 100%.
Basically its been 2 weeks and i haven’t talked to her..she miscalls me (we said after she goes back if she miss calls me it shows shes thinking of me and i should miss call her to show I’m thinking of her.) shes texting me saying why you being like this with me, why cant we just be best friends, i miss you every second etc etc.. i haven’t replied back to any of the messages or miscalled her back. I do still love her for some stupid reason and i really do still want her..i know that makes me sound like a fool but its how i feel and i cant help it. I have so many questions in my head like, does she still love me, whats the real story behind all this, was there any truth in the story..am just so confused..i do want her back and i want to get advice on what to do, how can i win her back?
Any advice would be great and sorry for the really long story...thanks
hello guys, sorry am not a women but a guy an i think a women s input would help me loads.. this will be very, very a long story but please bare with me as you will need the full picture in order to understand my situation and hopefully advice me.
i am a 25 year old guy and my heart break starts like this...in march 2012 my brothers wifes younger sister (who is also 25) came to visit us from pakistan. me my brother, his wife and my sister live in the same house. she came to visit the uk as my sister was getting married and so she could come help organize the event. now she came in march and slowly and slowly we grew close and we both had an affair. we both had alot in common i.e we liked the same stuff, we got along great etc. as i lived with her during her visit i saw her and observed her and thought she was great. every morning she should make me breakfast, take care of me etc. every night we should talk to each other, tell each other stories etc. we kissed, had cuddles held hands etc. we were both living in a bubble you know enjoying the moment. while she was here we didn't really talk about long term stuff as we where just living in the moment but once while she was with me i asked her do you love anyone else in which she declared no you are my first true love.
Know as she is 25 as well her parent where looking for an husband for her (its an Asian thing). i knew about this but didn't pay any attention to it as i was living in the moment and i didnt really think about that. When i should talk to other girls in friend wise, while she was with me she should get really jealous and go angry with me. i thought that all girls are like that so i didn't think much into it.
She stayed in the UK till July the first which was about 4 months she stayed. During that time we got closer and closer and where together practically all the time. it was really exciting and i loved every minute and everyday. the day she left for the airport, getting into the car she was crying. i could see she was hurting and in some sense i was as well. when she got to the airport and my brother and his wife left her, she rang me saying ali please i don't want to leave you, please i want the plane to crash i cant leave you etc. she was crying her eyes out during this convo.
i was kind of hurting inside and i tired to comfort her. Anyways she left and went back to Pakistan. During her flight i was constantly thinking of her and really really missed her. I didn’t realize i would feel like this. I felt something really special had left me. anyways after she landed and went back to her house she facebook messaged me saying i miss you loads and loads. She told me please ali do not write anything on my facebook account as my sister (her younger one) knows her passward and she will find out about us.
So i decided to open another facebook account for her with just me added to it so we can speak safely. I also opened a skype account for her so we can talk (calling Pakistan cost loads so this was the cheapest option.) the first week she was back in pakistant she should facebook me saying al ii love you, am in love with you, my life is hell in Pakistan with out you, i dream about you, i want to touch you again etc, over skype she should cry and tell me al ii don’t know what to do etc. i missed her loads as well.
Then after a week she messaged me saying al ii want to be your life partner so will you marry me. i was shocked cos i didn’t really think about that, and as a guy your generally scared of commitment. I loved her but i panicked. I panicked because i knew my mum would probz never except as my brother is married to her sister. Plus my mum is really strict and if she found out i had an affair with her hell would break lose (its an Asian thing so keep that in mind), the girl said to me look ali if you say yes you will marry me i will sort everything else out.
She said My parent will except as they love me and my sisters and your brother will be ok with it (her parent think really highly of me and really like me) She even went to say even if there not ok we can run away and get married and as time goes they will accept. She was saying this during the first 2 weeks after she went back. I would never go against family as i love and respect them to much. I know if we leave our families we will both be unhappy.
I said to her look, give it 2-3 months and lets see what happens. It wasn't a yes but it wasn't a no as i panicked and i was scared of commitment. I also made her promise not to tell any family about this as it could cause allot of trouble. She agreed and said ok i will give you 6 months to a year (i haven’t got a job yet as i just finished uni.)we continued to speak with each other via facebook, skype etc. we flirted talked with each other with everything. She continued to say she loves me and misses me etc.we had little arguments during this time but nothing big. this continued for about 5-6 weeks and during this time I knew i was madly in love with her and i wanted her as my life partner. Now during the mid august, one day she came on facebook and said ali look the is i no point waiting for me as my parent have found me a husbandband its 80% fixed.
I was shocked and went weak. I panicked from the news and said look please say no. I love you and want to marry you. She was like no its never going to happen its 99% fixed, my parent will never except. I begged her and she said no. I asked her do u love me, she was like love doesn’t matter his going to be my husband etc. (every thing she said was like i can’t marry you never i wont, which i found really wierd.) i really really begged her not to leave me but she kept saying i cant be with you. For two days i couldn’t eat of sleep, i was really low and depressed and didn't know what to do. On the second day my good friend rang me we where talking and he knew something was up (i hadn't told no one about us to this point) i told him the situation and he was upset i never said anything before, as in what else are friends for.
He advised me to tell my mum or my brothers wife. I couldn't at this point as my mum would kill me and my brothers wife would find it weird as its her younger sister. he then told me look ali if you don’t do that ask the girl look am ready to marry you if you want, so tell me do you love me. she dodged the question and kept saying its never going to happen etc and let us remain friends. so i told a few other friend the story and they advised me to ignore her for a few days and that will get to her. I took there advice and ignored her text, facebook message etc for 2 days.
Then one morning i woke up early and logged into facebook and at that exact time she logged in as well. She was like ali look let me explain everything. She told me basically that the guys name jermil haXXX and she’s known the guy for 6 years, she goes the guys family wanted her as a bride for 6 years years but her family said no cos she has to finish studies etc. she goes his loved her for 6 years years and at one point she loved him but didn’t do anything as she was scared of her parent. She goes they remained good friends
. She went on to say that while she was in the uk they guys family gave the proposal for her and her parent accepted. And after she went back to Pakistan she told the guy i don’t love you and i don’t want to marry you, he ignored her as he thought she was just missing her sister and the uk.
She told her mum i don’t wan to marry him and her mum said we have given our word to the guy so were not going back on our word. She then apparently rang her older sister who lives in America and told her look i don’t want to marry this guy and ali loves me. she apparently was shocked but said ok let me talk to my sister (my brothers wife) and see what she says.
She apparently did and my brothers wife was ok with it, so the American sister rang her mum and said look how about we give amira (thats the girls name that i love.) her mum goes no, we have given our word to other family and are not going back on it.
Her American sister told amira this and said look the other guy is good for you so no problem. Now amira was like to me look see my situation I’m like a candle. i was like to her its your life your decision, shes like if i marry you i will have to leave my family which i cant do. She was also like if i tell the guy i don’t want to marry you, apparently he will kill himself as he madly loves her. She told me not to tell her sisters this as they apparently don’t know her parent had agreed to this (this seemed really weird to me as am 100% sure her mum and dad will tell there elder daughters about the guy) At this point i was happy that she told me the story and felt sorry for her.
I told my friends all this and they were like ali tell your brothers wife. I told my brother wife, look i love amira and she loves me. she was abit shocked but she said i have no probz and she goes shel ask amira. Now i told amira this and she flipped and said how dare u! U broke my promise, how could you, she was like am going to tell her no i don’t love you and that he said he will cut all communication with me if i say i don’t marry him (i said to her before i cant be friends with you as a love you too much and i will have to cut all communication.) i was like look this is your last chance if you want me you will say yes and if no that.s it between you and me..
Now a week went past (start of September now) and my brothers wife didn’t bring it up again which i found really weird as this was a serious matter. During that week amira was being a super ..
saying i never loved you i was only having fun with you, your a lair, cheater, bad boy etc etc. i ignored all that. She was also saying how could you break my promise and tell your friends about us. I found that weird how did she know i talk to my friends and get there advice. The only person that knows i talk to my friends is my brothers wife. Then it clicked! My brother wife must have told her ohhh he talks to his friend and there probz advising him. I told my friends there like trust me ali your brothers wife knows all, they all do. Anyways i was really at a low point now and one day i was using my laptop and accidently..
I double clicked the tag for putting your user name in..it came up with all the people that logged in before, i went down the list and i saw aminas login name and below it another one that that is didn't know of. Then its hit me the name surname was similar to the guys name she told me but the first name was different. I felt like crying! She knew his username and password and should log into his account while she was with me.. i then realised that guy should comment on her pics from 2-3 years ago..it hit me badly,
i rang my friends and they said ali she played you..shes been with that guy for ages, why else would she know his password etc. they where like shes Cuss Word she cheated on the other guy with you and she played you! Then i realised that she didn’t want me to write stuff on her facebook because they guy knows her password not her sister and he would find out about us. I felt sooo low i cant describe it. I was really hurt and felt like the whole world was crashing down on me. my friends basically said look try see if she tells you the truth and told me try to catch her out. So i skpyed her and basically said look whats the guys name again, she gave me the false name, i asked her did u talk to him on facbook while u where with me, shes like no i taked to other friends, she said some more Cuss Word
And i was like look i no everything, i no his real name, i no you know his facebook password and should should talk to him while you where with me. she went quite for abit and said, how do you know who told you, you cant blackmail my sister (my brothers wife) and get anything out of her. This again i found weird as it brings up suspicion that my brothers wife knows stuff. Basically to cut it sort i found out that her sisters know about me and her and knew shes with that guy for ages..i don’t know what she said about me but i know that it wasn't the truth and they see me in a different way. Also i found out that it wasn't true when she said the guy gave proposal while she was in uk am sure it was after she went back. There' other stuff but i think this is long enough. The wedding with the other guy is going ahead 100%.
Basically its been 2 weeks and i haven’t talked to her..she miscalls me (we said after she goes back if she miss calls me it shows shes thinking of me and i should miss call her to show I’m thinking of her.) shes texting me saying why you being like this with me, why cant we just be best friends, i miss you every second etc etc.. i haven’t replied back to any of the messages or miscalled her back. I do still love her for some stupid reason and i really do still want her..i know that makes me sound like a fool but its how i feel and i cant help it. I have so many questions in my head like, does she still love me, whats the real story behind all this, was there any truth in the story..am just so confused..i do want her back and i want to get advice on what to do, how can i win her back?
Any advice would be great and sorry for the really long story...thanks
sorry am new to all this...thanks again
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