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Next Steps When a Woman Flakes

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  • Next Steps When a Woman Flakes

    Hi Everyone,

    An attractive woman in her late 20's (i'm in my early 30s) recently moved into my apartment complex. About a week after she moved in I stopped by her apt and introduced myself. We talked for about 10 min and she suggested we grab a drink some time next week. About 4 days later we went out after work and ended up grabbing a drink and some food in the neighborhood. The conversation flowed well on both sides and we were two hours into the date before we knew it. We drove back to the apt. and I asked her to come up to my apt (we had joked about my interior design style/taste during dinner so it was natural to ask her to check out my apt). She came up and immediately sat down on my couch. I asked her if she wanted some wine and she said yes. For the next two hours we both sat on the couch, talked to each other about a variety of different topics (travel, her tastes in design - she's an interior designer, family, etc.). Her body language was positive - she was always turning and facing me while on the couch.

    After two hours (which flew by), I asked her what she was up to this weekend and I suggested we check out the local farmer's market on Saturday afternoon (she had mentioned earlier in the evening that she loved to cook). I suggested we have a little contest in which we each have only $20 to pick out ingredients to make a meal and we'd see who could come up with the most creative design. She said yes to this idea and we made plans to meet up at 4pm.

    At this point I gave her a hug goodbye and she left.

    A day later I texted her something playful like "I thought I heard pots and pans banging around your apt last night. you weren't practicing for saturday were you?". Unfortunately, I didn't get a response from this text.

    Two days later (saturday), I texted her about an hour before our scheduled meet up time to see if we were still on. She texted back, "Sorry, I'll have to take a raincheck. I need to help out a friend with something". I texted back, "Need some more time to practice before the big cook off? No problem...." She didn't respond.

    About a week later I sent her a short text about a TV show episode that we both liked and had discussed at dinner. She responded back with a brief, joking acknowledgment, but the conversation died there. Another week has gone by and we haven't seen or texted each other.

    I'm interested in this girl and I thought we had a really good night out together. I'm bummed and confused on why she flaked. What do you think is my best next move (potential thoughts - should I text her again, wait to bump into her in the apt complex, etc.)?? My intentions are to get to know her better and see where things could go. That being said, I'm usually not a fan of "chasing girls", especially ones that flake out. Any suggestions and thoughts would be much appreciated!!!

  • Originally posted by billsmith34 View Post
    Hi Everyone,

    An attractive woman in her late 20's (i'm in my early 30s) recently moved into my apartment complex. About a week after she moved in I stopped by her apt and introduced myself. We talked for about 10 min and she suggested we grab a drink some time next week. About 4 days later we went out after work and ended up grabbing a drink and some food in the neighborhood. The conversation flowed well on both sides and we were two hours into the date before we knew it. We drove back to the apt. and I asked her to come up to my apt (we had joked about my interior design style/taste during dinner so it was natural to ask her to check out my apt). She came up and immediately sat down on my couch. I asked her if she wanted some wine and she said yes. For the next two hours we both sat on the couch, talked to each other about a variety of different topics (travel, her tastes in design - she's an interior designer, family, etc.). Her body language was positive - she was always turning and facing me while on the couch.

    After two hours (which flew by), I asked her what she was up to this weekend and I suggested we check out the local farmer's market on Saturday afternoon (she had mentioned earlier in the evening that she loved to cook). I suggested we have a little contest in which we each have only $20 to pick out ingredients to make a meal and we'd see who could come up with the most creative design. She said yes to this idea and we made plans to meet up at 4pm.

    At this point I gave her a hug goodbye and she left.

    A day later I texted her something playful like "I thought I heard pots and pans banging around your apt last night. you weren't practicing for saturday were you?". Unfortunately, I didn't get a response from this text.

    Two days later (saturday), I texted her about an hour before our scheduled meet up time to see if we were still on. She texted back, "Sorry, I'll have to take a raincheck. I need to help out a friend with something". I texted back, "Need some more time to practice before the big cook off? No problem...." She didn't respond.

    About a week later I sent her a short text about a TV show episode that we both liked and had discussed at dinner. She responded back with a brief, joking acknowledgment, but the conversation died there. Another week has gone by and we haven't seen or texted each other.

    I'm interested in this girl and I thought we had a really good night out together. I'm bummed and confused on why she flaked. What do you think is my best next move (potential thoughts - should I text her again, wait to bump into her in the apt complex, etc.)?? My intentions are to get to know her better and see where things could go. That being said, I'm usually not a fan of "chasing girls", especially ones that flake out. Any suggestions and thoughts would be much appreciated!!!
    I'm sorry to hear about the relative response,Hun From what I hear she isn't turned off by you but perhaps for some reason or other she is confused. Perhaps she is afraid of developing a relationship or is seeing other people until she is sure?

    Also, some women have learned not to be 'clingy' from bein rejected by men who want to play the field.

    You are one of the nice guys, don't get me wronq. You have done nothing untoward, not been too forward, vulgar nor have you been anything other than warm and friendly. Don't beat yourself up.

    Women have learned to act more like men these days to survive; they take control of who they have relations with, can brush partners off or learn to bee more distant and aloof which is sad, when a sweet guy like you comes along.You sound like a lady! 'Why won't he see me again??! '

    Have a sit down and chat with her trying to work out what's going on in her head. Get to know her, not just hobbies and things but pick her brain if she'll let you.

    But don't tink for a second you have done something wrong x perhaps she is just a busy woman who doesnt communicate so well all the time, she is shy/scared or she enjoyed your company but doesn't want to admit you are being friend zoned very early... She could have a bunch of underlying issues.

    You sound lovely though <3 Sorry women are such funny creatures. I've only been rejected by women I've asked out.. Sometimes they dont make sense to me and I am a woman!

    Comment


    • I think you handled the entire situation very well. I don't see this as being a case of 'where did you go wrong?'.

      From here now I would act like nothing has happened and like this is no big deal at for you. As they say in Friends, just be 'breezy'. Act relaxed around her and just say 'hi' in passing. Definitely do not apply any pressure or push for an explanation.

      You asked what you think the next move should be, my answer to that is to act like nothing happened. The ball is in her court so the very most you can do is to wait around. I would just carry on as normal and be prepared to get a 'let's just be friends' from her. Sorry.

      If she is mildly interested then the most attractive thing you can do is act not interested, like being friends is no big deal, and like you aren't bothered (by her subtle so relatively kind rejection) because you have other options available.

      My guess (again, not trying to be an a-hole) is that she has recently split up with someone and/or is/was on a break and was just confused and lonely and was looking for company/companionship at the time you met her. She is unlikely in a good place to start a new relationship.

      I would befriend her, let her know you can take rejection in your stride and like a man, and see how many hot friends she has...
      No matter how objective we try to be, we all see through our own eyes...

      Comment

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