[Chelsen]

Hi there,

Hoping for some advice since I feel as though I am deteriorating and need help on what to do.

I met a guy at an event about a month ago now and we were seeing each other almost every day. He was such a gentlemen and did so many nice things for me for about 3 weeks. He was even doing all of this after we had been sleeping together.

I told him in the beginning I just wanted to have fun because I was leaving to move to Maui within the next couple of months. Well, now I have very strong feelings for him and my heart is all caught up in whatever we are.

The first 2 weeks we knew each other I let him know I was starting to have feelings and he reciprocated, saying he liked me too and I would be a girl he'd take home to his parents, etc.

Another week went by and we had another serious talk in which he expressed to me he's been hurt very bad before and now he's very cautious and since he is military he will be leaving in another year and a half, although he still said he liked me.

That night he also told me that in a past relationship he was in for 4 years, he cheated on the girl. He said it was the worst thing he's ever gone through and I could tell it really bothered him and he said he could never imagine doing it again.

After that last talk, he did a complete 180 and things changed. He stopped texting me as much and stopped being a gentlemen and treated me just like a friend. I was confused so I asked him about it and eventually he said he had to pull back because it was getting too serious and he didn't want to be in a relationship in this time in his life.

So I asked if he had any feelings for me more than a friend and if it was worth it if I stayed and he said no, he only thought of me as a friend. But he still wants to hang out and sleep together.

I told him now I know where he's coming from I can change my mentality and we could just have fun. But I'm torn, and heartbroken. I can't eat and I constantly feel sick to my stomach and feel so stressed out to where I'm starting to have anxiety attacks. Please help, I don't know what to do. I feel so empty

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Chelsen, welcome to WH

What you are going through and what you have explained, is such a normal thing, it happens over and over to everyone if they enter a relationship situation that has a possibility of not being able to progress.

Your initial thoughts were just to have some fun, after all you are going away.

His, response was the same, after all he is going away.

But, he sounds like a "nice guy" who has respect.

Unfortunately, in my opinion and any one can correct me, when we sleep with someone and again, and again, our emotions as women, automatically change from casual thoughts, to a form of bond. It only differs in the type of bond depending on the situation. We either start to fall for the person or we start to feel that we really are just a piece of meat and we don't like it, that feeling even though we went in with the intention of fun.

Off course either hurts. But, a few weeks together, a few weeks apart, the feelings will reverse. You want someone to be there in your life properly in a relationship who treats you that way but that you can be with as girlfriend and boyfriend seeing each other month after month don't you ?

You've had a nice taste of how you want to be treated, take that with you and make sure the next guy treats you the same.

The fact that you have developed feelings, do you think it is wise to now keep sleeping with him? Don't you think it will get worse, that knot in your stomach?

Whether we like it or not, life is about lessons and some of them are really great, like this one, how you expect and want to be loved and treated...

I'd step back now sweet .. That guy is out there ...

[Pollon]

I agree with CW. Contrary to depictions in the movies (especially porn) and other media, most women link physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. As one progresses, so does the other. Many men can separate the two. If you continue sleeping with him, you will probably start to feel used. If there is more there in his heart, he will attempt to keep something going when you move apart.

As CW said, take this as a lesson to save your physical affection until you know the guy is serious and will treat your emotions with care and respect.

Good luck

[Sunlight72]

^+2

I'm sorry you are confused and broken hearted, but please believe that it is now too late to un-break your heart. If you continue sleeping with (or even hanging out with) this guy, you will make your heart-break feel even worse and last longer.

It's hard to find yourself here with the heart ache.

But hey!! Move to Maui! The best time to make a big life change is when you are not attached to someone else You can use this as an important lesson to guide you in your new life as a new woman on Maui.

Go and don't look back - you have a chance few people ever take, so Take It with courage

Cheers,
Sunlight

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey, Chelsen

It's been a couple of weeks now, what did you decide to do and how are you feeling.

CW