[kimberlyfpeck]

I'm 17 years old and in my very first relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. But we've been arguing a lot recently..... He gets mad at me a lot over little things.... in the past week we've argued 4 times.... He always makes me feel guilty about the arguments. If we argue and i need my space and tell him this he never seems to want to to stop talking to him... and if i do he hurts himself or he gets panic attacks and throws up..... The last time he hurt himself, he nearly broke his wrist... he couldn't move it for a week. I know he's attached to me... and i do love him... but most of the time i'm more sad than i m happy.... I always feel like i can't do anything right, or if i do something he'll get mad.
He's very territorial over me. I get how guys can be jealous if you hug another guy, but he doesn't like it when i talk with my guy friends period.
I just don't know what to do..... I feel like i need him. like i need to stay. I feel like he'll change but i know he won't. I just need help....

[Guest]

I just need help....

No, you need to leave this relationship.

To answer your question, yes, I belive that you are in a relationship that isn't healthy.

He's hurting himself now to "keep you" but what happens when he turns his anger/hurt towards you physically?

Go find someone who is mature enough to handle a relationship and respects you at the same time.

NEVER settle for less than you deserve.

[MoeJr]

Once again Seeker's advice in my opinion RIGHT ON ...... Young lady get out of that relationship as soon as possible. Tell him to get help! Clear your mind, know that what he does from there is his choice and in no way, shape, or form your fault. Your young, life is so short, learn RIGHT NOW, what Seeker said "Never settle for less than you deserve" He will probably try to make you feel guilty, blame you for all kinds of things....Do not worry about it! Move on....YOU deserve better!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'm 17 years old and in my very first relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. But we've been arguing a lot recently..... He gets mad at me a lot over little things.... in the past week we've argued 4 times.... He always makes me feel guilty about the arguments. If we argue and i need my space and tell him this he never seems to want to to stop talking to him... and if i do he hurts himself or he gets panic attacks and throws up..... The last time he hurt himself, he nearly broke his wrist... he couldn't move it for a week. I know he's attached to me... and i do love him... but most of the time i'm more sad than i m happy.... I always feel like i can't do anything right, or if i do something he'll get mad.
He's very territorial over me. I get how guys can be jealous if you hug another guy, but he doesn't like it when i talk with my guy friends period.
I just don't know what to do..... I feel like i need him. like i need to stay. I feel like he'll change but i know he won't. I just need help....

Hi Kimberly welcome to the Forum

Self harm is a cry for help. Your boyfriend needs love and people in his life, he feels as if if they are not he might as well hurt himself, he does not love himself and he hopes and prays that will make "you" stay.

This is not healthy for you or him.

I personally, in my opinion think you need to confidentally talk to his parents and let them know what is happening..

And if not them, someone he trusts.

You are only 17, this is not something you can or should deal with and NOR IS IT YOUR FAULT.

I am sure he gave you alot of love and in that you felt loved. But, when this all started you felt fear and anxiety and something is wrong.

Seeker is right this is not healthy for you but a person like this, needs someone there when the news is given, so find someone that you believe he trusts and confide in what you have confided here so someone is there with him..

Everyone has weaknesses but this is not healthy.

Be safe and tell your parents as well, to ensure they are there for you.

[Harmony]

^^^All of the above, you're BF is co-dependent on you and, readily resorting to coercive and manipulative methods to prevent you from leaving him. This is not good.

One thing I can promise you is that his behavior will only get worse, he has unhealthy boundaries and is desperately insecure.

The reality is that getting rid of partners like this is rarely an easy and straightforward process. If you have a strong support network of family and friends then let them know you may need their help once you've read him the riot act. Expect harassment and emotional blackmail in the form of numerous phone calls, text messages and whatever else he can think of. Ignore it all and tell him on no uncertain terms you're saving EVERYTHING and wont hesitate to call the police if he doesn't erase his existence from your life.

Men like this are generally 'more walk than talk' and when confronted by a protective friend/father/brother he'll more than likely back off knowing he can't get away with bullying and manipulating them the way he can with you (no offense).

Think about the things you might want in a man, the qualities and traits. A partner should compliment and support you, being a benefit to you, not an emotional burden who's mere presence is (at least) detrimental to your emotional health and overall well-being. Once you start meeting other men you'll realize this tool has set the bar pretty low ;-)

[PinkySweet]

I agree with everyone.

If a relationship starts off like this it will only escalate.

[rcoreyus]

Even if the relationship were not abusive, you are not happy so you should leave. You have not made any sort of life-long commitment to this man, there is absolutely nothing wrong with ending a short term relationship for any reason that either party wishes.

That said, this DOES sound like an abusive relationship with someone with some emotional / mental health problems. You can't fix that, and should leave now before things get worse.

This is your first relationship, so you don't have the background, but please believe the rest of us when we say that this is NOT normal. In a normal healthy relationship most of the time you spend together should be happy. There can be arguments but they should be occasional, not a constant feature.

[Euphoric]

You need to run, don't walk. You have only been together for seven months. He gets mad over little things, you argue a lot, you aren't happy, he is territorial, he hurts himself or goes into a panic attack. RED FLAGS WAVING, and lots of them. This is not a loving relationship.

Many times when a person is as controlling as your BF, eventually his anger and will to hurt himself will shift to hurting you.

You are only 17. There are much better guys out there and you deserve to find someone who will share happiness with you, not make you miserable and wondering what his next move might be.