[Alexandra]

I'm back for yet another bit of advice. I wasn't sure who I could ask (and I'm not sure if this is in the right place), but I figured you all have given me some pretty solid advice in the past. So, I've returned! I had abstained from sex for a long while, but in the context of a committed and loving relationship, I'm incredibly sexual. I write erotic romance, and I take a lot of pride in my deep sensuality. It's really important to me, and I am very expressive.

I've known the guy I'm seeing for a couple years now. One of those, "I didn't realise how perfect he was until it just hit me on the head" sort of deals. We were close friends, and now we've decided to move forward (and rather quickly). He's so sweet, thoughtful, and gentle. And it turns out that he's more romantic than I gave him credit for. But... he just... cannot pillow talk. At all. He's the "brainy" type; he went to school for a degree in neuroscience, never focused on relationships during college, played video games, etc. Now college is over, and he's a smart, handsome scientist with a great sense of humour. But dear Fate... I just feel like all those years of focusing on school and not women has made it (at times) unbearably awkward.

We'll be in bed, and he tries his best to be a bit more vocal than his comfort zone allows. It's a little forced, but I encourage his desire to want to be more open and sexual. It makes me happy that he wants to share that with me. But then something comes out of his mouth that just... kills it. It's just awkward and... bad. Just bad. Even he knows it's bad, because neither one of us can keep a straight face after it happens. I can't help but laugh. He doesn't do it to be funny, but it ends up being that way. And they apparently "just pop out".

He's admitted that this is all just so foreign to him. There are other sexual problems I won't get into, but I knew this was going to be a spot where we had some [hopefully] initial difficulty. But honestly, the pillow talk absurdities are frustrating. I keep it light when it happens, and I never, ever criticise him or put him down, but I don't know what to do or say. It ruins the mood, even when we try to save it. Unfortunately, when he's quiet... he's too quiet. I always wonder if he fell asleep or if I'm doing anything right. I'd like some middle ground, and some room for us to grow and improve and learn about each other. I want both of us to be happy together sexually.

Thanks in advance, ladies.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I see this.

You are already sexual in a sensual way, you have obviously go it.

How do you teach someone that?

He tries says stuff and you laugh because well, you know it's forced, he's trying

Sure you can find a guy that will pillow talk and make you hot as but then, will he cheat, desert you, etc.

Actions.

Forget words.

Concentrate of giving him actions, him reacting to those actions, seeing your sentuality, sexuality, and can not help but react.

Talk is wasted after all

At some point perhaps you can then introduce this, I think you are trying to introduce this too fast.

[Alexandra]

It's not really that I'm trying to introduce this. This was his own idea, and I was shocked when he started. And it isn't **just** because it's forced. Sometimes he'll just say stuff (phrases, specific words) that are bad. It's not throughout the entire "pillow talk". It's like... it's forced... but manageable. Then he'll say one specific phrase that is just **way** over the top.

But again, I didn't ask for the words. And I don't want to ask him to stop, because I'm afraid I'll hear crickets again. And I don't want to shut him down when he goes out on a limb to be adventurous.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Yes but Alexandra

If he knows you are sensual, sexual.. He will "try" to please you.

I assume you are an ascertive woman, knows what she wants.

He more than likely is in awe of this and is "trying" can I suggest you don't fake it, you don't laugh but continue to communicate what you are after, want, need and same for him.

He's willing and that is a great start.

[Trisha23]

Okay, guys are not that much expressive vocally and that is a fact. They are more of actions. Well, time will probably teach him especially if you are supportive enough and I think he is also trying his best. Things will eventually happen the way you want it to be just don't pressure him too much.