[lovexlaugh]

Okay, so I have a problem with the guy I'm seeing. Both of us hate drinking, we don't understand binge drinking and we spend countless hours complaining about it. However, when we are out for birthdays, weddings, etc, I feel embarressed. If someone offers me a glass of champagne for a toast, I'll either say a polite "no thankyou" or I'll take it and nurse it for the night. However, my partner is very rude when offered alcohol. If someone politely and nicely says, "can I offer you a glass of champagne?" my bf will scrunch up his face, lean FAR away from the person offering, and say, "EW! No thankyou, thats AWFUL stuff!" very rudely. I understand that he doesn't want to drink, I would NEVER pressure him to drink, but I feel embarressed about the way he is responding. I recently introduced him to some of my friends and they all had a glass of wine with dinner and after he spoke to them like that they were very put out and didn't speak to him for the rest of the night. He hasn't been invited again since then.
I've tried to talk about it a few times, but he gets quite upset because he feels that I'm trying to pressure him into taking the alcohol (which is definitely not the case, I want him to learn to politely decline). Even if I say that the problem is the way he declined, he got very mad and said that he is a very polite person etc.
Any ideas on how I could gently bring up with the topic with him?

[Harmony]

He may be averse to alcohol because someone in his family - probably his father - had a drinking problem and he has witnessed, first hand, the damage alcohol can cause when misused.

On the other hand he may just be a bit of a martyr with poor manners who overstates his point each time he declines the offer of a glass of wine.

The fact that he got angry and made an assertion as to how polite he is regarding this matter is indicative of an absence of tolerance and the ability to communicate like an adult.

Men need to realize that it's very important for a woman that her friends like and respect her partner, and that he is able to conduct himself like a mature adult in front of them, and not cause offense and upset.

I would just tell him straight that next time you two are out and someone offers him a drink he is to say no more than three words without raising his voice or displaying negative body language: 'no thank you". It's not complicated.

[Claret]

To drink or not to drink is your personal choice no matter where you are or who you are with. What is not your choice is to make what appears to be good manners from your host or hostess into a dissertation or to pontificate on the benefits of drinking or not drinking. Your boyfriend was being rude. Plain and simple. If I were the host or hostess, he'd not be invited back if he spoke to me in the manner in which you describe.

The options??? -- speak to him about how you and he can let everyone know you don't drink so you can make it easier when offered. Simply, when offered, say, "No Thank You or Not at this time, could I please have a glass of water." (or soda, or anything) . You need to offer no further explanation, you don't need to it's your choice.

[Ashlee T.]

I agree with Claret. Whether he chooses to drink or not is irrelevant, but his behavior towards others is very relevant. I may not eat red meat, and I may decline it if it is offered to me, but I will not scrunch up my face and make the person feel badly for offering it to me.

If it were me, I'd just address the behavior when it happens. Like in that instance, perhaps once the person making the offer walks away say "Wow, that was incredibly rude" and then address it later and just tell him that regardless of what the topic is, being rude and snobby about it to others isn't cool. I'd address it with him one way or another. And if he argues, I'd simply and matter of factly say, "It embarrasses me, and I want you to find a nicer way to decline.". Period.

[Pollon]

If he can be that rude on this matter and take no constructive suggestion from you, he does it in other areas as well.

In what other ways does he treat others poorly and refuse the suggestions of others?

[BabyGirl]

Personally . I feel,he needs some etiquette in how to decline an offer of anything he may not want .
He should respect and appreciate that someone has offered him something , decline in a respectful way , whether it be Alcohol or a refill on a cup of coffee.

A " No Thank You " would be proper or a "Do you have any Coke, Water, Juice , is appropriate .".

When it comes to Weddings, Parties and even Bars and Restaurants.
There should be Options of Drinks or Liquids to be Served.
The one who Hosts the Venue, should also offer Options up front. Not say " Do you want a Beer or Wine, it should be , What would you like to Drink ?

Now since you are a Couple that do not Drink Alcohol, you can always decline any Invitations that you know Alcohol is the " Basic " beverage. You may also ask if you can BYOB ( Bring your own Bottle ). which can be Special Soda's or Juices or even Fancy $ Water.

So if you are planning on being with this person,learn his habits, his Negatives and Positives and try to fit him in with you and Your Family, also fit in with his Friends/ Family .

You may possibly have an issue to you the Woman that can take Him Anywhere .

Discussion ..

Him and You and Your Together Friends .

[Trisha23]

He may have so much bad experience with alcohol that is why he is talking that way. Anyway, still try to talk to him about being polite in refusing and probably, try to know what was the real reason behind his hate for alcohol so you'll better understand him.