[athena10]

hello, recently my cousin's gf broke up with him.... he told me it was because he was demanding sex a lot and was getting mad at her whenever she said no..... it really confused me because he's not like that.. they dated for 10 months and they were eachother's kiss, love, sex everything... he was real sweet to her he would take the bus to see her and even walk for an hour to go visit her... they go to the same school and he would always buy her jewelry and candy and he spent over a 100 bucks on valentine's gift for her... she was real sweet to him too.. they were an amazing couple but then my cousin told me he started feeling insecurities because she was getting enrolled on scholarships and she got her driving permit and all and he couldn't because he came from colombia 5 years ago and he's undocumented... they broke up 30 or so days ago... he goes on a forum and he posted this thread asking for help... i was wondering if you guys could help me help him


my gf of 10 months broke up with me a month ago.. she told me she still wanted to be friends and that she still liked me a lot and that she didnt want me out of her life and that she didnt want a relationship. i tried ignoring her but she would text me or approach me and sometimes i would do the same....now i talked to her yesterday and she told me she wanted to focus on school and her scuba diving stuff and all ( we are 16 yrs old) i told her it was hard for me to talk to her but she told me she didnt want me out of her life completely... i told her that if she saw no way of us getting back together to just finish me but she never does it... i told her on a text that i would wait for her and try to win her back and she just replied a " "
she still comes to me when shes stressed, she recently gave me a hug and apologized for breaking up with me... she also told me that her grandmom was diagnosed with cancer 2 weeks after we broke up and that her mom is a mess and all... i seriously dont know what to do..... this girl is gold to me.... and i wanna wait for her and all but i feel like as shes playing with my feelings even though she claims she's not.... shes not a ***** and she doesnt like anyone else... our relationship just got rocky at the end... she was really stressed with school and i was really stressed because i've been sick all winter..
this is really hard.. she doesnt allow me to hug her or get too physical with her... but she likes to talk to me and stuff and always tells me after 2-3 days of not talking that she misses talking to me... and of course i always talk to her and i listen to her... our relationship got rocky because i started making it more physical and not so much emotional and all... up to a point she felt that i was using her just for sex... which is not true.. i've apologized for it and she accepts it but tells me she doesnt want to be in a relationship.... im very upset right now, i cry at least 3 times a week because i remember of how i made my needs myself more important than hers ( this started happening 2-3 months before we broke up) i do not know if she wants to teach me a lesson or if she wants to end it but doesnt want to hurt me too much.
sometimes i just think she wants to know if really still love her or not.... she's okay with me trying to get her back but she told me that if i find someone else to go with them and not wait for her( she looked scared when she said this) i dont know.. may 2 would be our one year anniversary and i would really like this **** to be fixed by then...
i do not know if it would be right for me to stop talking to her or to keep talking to her. I DO LOVE HER and i DO want her back. i told her in her face that if she liked someone else to just tell me. i told her i loved her enough to let her go if thats what she wanted me to but she told me she didnt want me out of her life completely.... it would of made a lot more sense if she would of never told me that she still liked me a lot( she told me this around 2-3 weeks ago.) and she still smiles when i talk to her and she even offered me half of her cookie( this happened 2-3 days ago and shes not the type of person to share anything with ANYONE.)
the day she hugged me( 3-4 days ago, dont say im obessed with her, i have good memory so thats how i know the exact dates) as soon as she hugged me and apologized for breaking up with me she said " dont think that im leading you on because i did this" which further confuses me..

[jns]

I think she still likes you but all of the things going on in her life make her withdraw from an intimate relationship. If you really want her, start demanding nothing of her, but be a shoulder she can cry on. Be interested in what she is talking about, especially the problems she is having in her family. Take interest in her family. More or less similar to what a guy should do when first meeting a girl.

[BabyGirl]

they were an amazing couple but then my cousin told me he started feeling insecurities because she was getting enrolled on scholarships and she got her driving permit and all and he couldn't because he came from colombia 5 years ago and he's undocumented...

I think you meant Columbia,(Sorry me and Spell check) the Beautiful South American Country . Or Columbia in the States ?

The Key here is

1) He is 16 and Illegal. He can change this !!

2) You do not mention her age,but she may not be of Legal age or even over age ( here in USA is 18 may not sexually Active with 16 ) or she may have decided to keep him as a friend and help him, but she is possibly Maturing much faster .

3) She, if accepted to a Scholarship, may move to another part of the Country.
She would have to Illegally Transport an Illegal with her,if they Stayed/ Married together.
It would forever be over their heads .
He should do whatever he can to become a " legal " Citizen or even a Green Card one.

She may just now be recognizing the Troubles we go through when we fall in "love" with one of another Country . And he should do his Best to be in the Country he Chooses as his Home Country .

At 16.. Real Love will come later .
( Hopefully and be Permanent ).

[athena10]

I think you meant Columbia,(Sorry me and Spell check) the Beautiful South American Country . Or Columbia in the States ?

The Key here is

1) He is 16 and Illegal. He can change this !!

2) You do not mention her age,but she may not be of Legal age or even over age ( here in USA is 18 may not sexually Active with 16 ) or she may have decided to keep him as a friend and help him, but she is possibly Maturing much faster .

3) She, if accepted to a Scholarship, may move to another part of the Country.
She would have to Illegally Transport an Illegal with her,if they Stayed/ Married together.
It would forever be over their heads .
He should do whatever he can to become a " legal " Citizen or even a Green Card one.

She may just now be recognizing the Troubles we go through when we fall in "love" with one of another Country . And he should do his Best to be in the Country he Chooses as his Home Country .

At 16.. Real Love will come later .
( Hopefully and be Permanent ).

she's also 16 and the scholarship she applied to is for scuba diving. she doesnt have to move out of state or anything. the college she wants to go and is applying to is in the same state.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He has been sick throughout winter... She was more so on her own, it gave her time to think...

She is developing out of that awkward teenager into a young woman, she has passions and drive and knows where she is going.

At this point a girl questions things.. He wants to stay with her forever but nothing is said at all about where he wants to go with his life, let's face it at present no-where, as he is "un-documented" can not drive, and obviously can not do anything towards making a future ...

He needs to sort all of that out and be on the same page.

She's matured and moving forward, he is stagnant and just "living" in the now.

[BabyGirl]

To the Young Man .

Honey, there are several Statements/ Clues in your Post, as to what is going on .

it would of made a lot more sense if she would of never told me that she still liked me a lot( she told me this around 2-3 weeks ago.) and she still smiles when i talk to her and she even offered me half of her cookie( this happened 2-3 days ago and shes not the type of person to share anything with ANYONE.)

This sounds like she is letting you Go as a Boyfriend or Future Mate..But attempting to remain Friends at least. Remember she said " Liked Allot " there is no mention of " Love ". Of course she smiles, you are her Friend, one she cares about as a Friend, The Crush and other " Relationship " feelings seems to have Faded on her part. Sharing her cookie, also validates that she likes you. I'm sure as she matures,she will learn to be someone who share's with others.

she told me she still wanted to be friends and that she still liked me a lot and that she didn't want me out of her life and that she didn't want a relationship.

It seems she has been Honest and Direct with you of what she kind of Relationship with you that wants .
Friendship Only !

i tried ignoring her but she would text me or approach me and sometimes i would do the same....now i talked to her yesterday and she told me she wanted to focus on school and her scuba diving stuff and all ( we are 16 yrs old) i told her it was hard for me to talk to her but she told me she didnt want me out of her life completely... i told her that if she saw no way of us getting back together to just finish me but she never does it...

This is where you will have to Decide if you can just be friends with her. You say You Love her, she says she Likes you. She just did not Dump you, say never speak to me again or give a " slap in the Heart/ Face " by strutting around with a new BF .
She is stating, she is stressed, has school, has Scholarship coming up, has a sick Grandma , her Mom's a mess.
So right now Honey, you can just let her go, in all ways, friend and GF . Or if you can, be there for her, show her what a good Friend you can be. It is something you must Decide for yourself.
It seems she is deciding to try and keep you a Friend. But she is putting down " Rules " for herself . As in no long Hugs and such, that may result in Sex.

our relationship got rocky because i started making it more physical and not so much emotional and all... up to a point she felt that i was using her just for sex... which is not true

I Totally Believe you, that it was not all Sex with you .
But at yours and her age of 16, Sex can be important and make one feel Loved or it can make one feel unloved and Used .
Also, she is only 16, so are you, she is very Smart and Mature to put a halt on the sex, whether it was with you or any other young man .. She has plans for a Future, she does not want an accidental pregnancy, that she may have to decide what to do about it .

i seriously don't know what to do..... this girl is gold to me.... and i wanna wait for her and all but i feel like as shes playing with my feelings even though she claims she's not.... shes not a (unknown word) and she doesn't like anyone else.

You sound like a Romantic.. Your words of " This Girl is Gold to me " ..
Awesome, I hope you will find another Girl, someday that you will feel like that about again. Maybe even feel like the New Gals is " Platinum" which is more Valuable than Gold ..

Again , it sounds like she is being sweet, not playing with you, just not as Emotionally Connected with you as you are with her. Or I should say in the Friendship Like and Love, is what she wishes to keep in the Friendship way. You say she is not a ( Blank word , "B" or "Wh" or " S" ) and you know that to be true and you are defending that .

While you may wish to Wait for her and hope that she will Change her Feelings,back to the First Love/ Crush phase,of 2 young people. I doubt that will happen. Not saying it never will , but the probability is very slim.

What you can do .. Is Improve Yourself, Study Hard, Have a Dream Career/ Job, strive for it.

Get Legal Sweetie ..
As the only way that you can accomplish all of the things are needed to be able to have a Great Future, Legal Marriage that you can live together, legal Driving, Insurance, Taxes and all that goes with Being here in the USA and reaping it's benefits.. Is to work on becoming "Legal Yourself " and not live in fear of Deportation.

I am sure she will be a great Friend and try to help you with that, when the time comes, that you may need References from ones who know you and can help you become a Legal Citizen here ..

P. S. To the Young Man and Cousin athena10 that posted .
You share a Loving and caring Cousin~hood ..
The young man can join here and post for himself and athena10
It's nice to see someone who cares so much.. Kudo's to you .

[athena10]

my cousin is getting his papers soon,2-3 years max. and he knows what he wants to do with his life, he's very geeky and good with computers. he told me she knew this and liked how he wanted to have kids and get married and have a good job to provide to his family. he told her he was gonna wait for her and try to get her back on a text and she sent a smile. i am pretty sure she would of turn him down right then and there, but she didnt.... he says he's gonna wait for her..... i just hope he doesn't wait in vein...

[athena10]

he just read the comments..

" she didnt care i was illegal. i asked her a week after we broke up if she saw less of me because it was gonna take me longer to move forward and she said she never saw less of me. she also told me she still liked me but didnt want to date not after all the factors and not right now, thats exactly how she said it. i talked to her best friend and i told her that i was gonna wait for her and try to get her back and then i asked her if she was leading me on or giving me false hopes and she said " no but that's all im telling you. goodnight" soooo i dont know. it just doesnt feel right to not wait for her. i was being very nasty to her for the last 3 or so month of our relationship. i did treat her good some days but most of the time i was just demanding sex and putting my needs and wants before hers, she dumped me before because of it but she took me back a few hours after.. she never saw less of me and she always liked how i didnt depend on my mom to do anything for me and stuff.... i am gonna keep trying. next month would of been our one year together, im planning on asking her out that day in the same place i did exactly 1 year ago and make it real special.... until then im gonna give her space and not approach her unless she does then 1-2 weeks before that date ask her to hang out and talk to her and then ask her back out because i feel and i know i started the break up process.