[Elicean]

Hi,

I feel really apprehensive about posting this but I'm so bothered about it and I don't have an older /wiser figure to talk to.
I'm a senior in college and I've started 'dating' one of my best guy friends I met back in freshman year. I say 'dating' because we mostly just go to my place and cuddle or make out. We've agreed to take it slow physically (only seen each other 2 months so far). But that's great and all, and he is a great guy.

Problem is he doesn't take me out. He doesn't pay for lunch even if it's some kind of cheap sandwich and doesn't ask me out on dates because he claims it's always scheduling problems or I am too busy. We have gone on 1 date, which was nice, but it was really just a dinner and nothing else. I understand because we're both college students so it's tough in the money department. He says he'd like to take me to fancy places but never looks for a job. I will most likely get a job this summer before he does. He spends a lot of time at my place because his apartment is really tiny and dingy. I have asked him why he doesn't take me out and he says it's because we've known each other for so long, it isn't necessary to go through the motions of dating. But I'd really like to go out to more than just 1 dinner with him to get to know him in a different light. And I have told him this. But it doesn't look like that's happening.

Mostly he's just over at my place, which I enjoy because it's fun to spend time together. I do his laundry, make him breakfast and dinner some times, and he walks me to class in the morning. But, that's about it. He says he isn't looking for a fwb and he wants to try a long term relationship, but doesn't dating come before relationship? I feel incredibly shallow that I'm sad because he doesn't take me out or try to buy me little gifts. He's the first guy I've considered as a potential boyfriend in college, but I've dated before and other guys open doors for me, pull out my chair, buy me chocolates, etc. That's normal isn't it? I really like him a lot but this bothers me and I'm wondering if I'm just asking for too much.

I really do appreciate any word in. I really do.

[Pollon]

What you are asking for is perfectly reasonable. And it sounds like you've made it very clear to him. So in the first two months he is telling you very clearly that he is not going to do what you are asking. Don't ignore it.

You are young and he might learn, but he won't learn if you don't teach him properly.

Stop having him over to just "hang out." You are not married and you don't live together. You don't need to do his laundry or cook him food.

You can say, "Sweatheart, we are not married and we are not in a committed relationship, so I don't want to act like we are. When we spend time together, I want it to be special. So when you want to spend time with me, make a plan and invite me on a date. We don't have to spend money. We can go to the park, or some event on campus, but let's do SOMETHING together. When I want you to come over, I will invite you over."

If he agrees and follows through, he is taking you seriously and wants to meet your needs. If he doesn't he is repeating what he has been telling you all along.

You've only invested two months into this, so don't hang on if it isn't working.

Good luck

[CHANDLERS WISH]

we've known each other for so long, it isn't necessary to go through the motions of dating. But I'd really like to

Don't loose your voice.

This sounds to me too much of a comfort zone for him... Non romantic and easy for him but what about you?

Don't loose your voice. Too many people "settle" for what they have instead of what they want...

Two people meshing together as one, understand relationships are real and they take work and compromise.

[rcoreyus]

It doesn't sound right that you are doing his laundry and making breakfast, unless he is doing similar chores for you - then it would be fine.

If money is really the issue for dates, you could do dates that don't involve money - a walk in a park can be nice. It is possible he really doesn't have the money, but then he should be doing other nice things for you.

You are not being shallow - you have every right to want what you want in a relationship and to find someone who will make you happy.

[jenryalee]

There are usually tons of free on campus events for college students, like movie nights. My college boyfriend and I were both dirt poor, so we went to each others houses, made each other food, went to the park a lot, museums, etc. He can take you out without spending cash! Just because you've known each other a while doesn't mean he shouldn't go through the notions of dating.

[vinnyt]

Hi,

I feel really apprehensive about posting this but I'm so bothered about it and I don't have an older /wiser figure to talk to.
I'm a senior in college and I've started 'dating' one of my best guy friends I met back in freshman year. I say 'dating' because we mostly just go to my place and cuddle or make out. We've agreed to take it slow physically (only seen each other 2 months so far). But that's great and all, and he is a great guy.

Problem is he doesn't take me out. He doesn't pay for lunch even if it's some kind of cheap sandwich and doesn't ask me out on dates because he claims it's always scheduling problems or I am too busy. We have gone on 1 date, which was nice, but it was really just a dinner and nothing else. I understand because we're both college students so it's tough in the money department. He says he'd like to take me to fancy places but never looks for a job. I will most likely get a job this summer before he does. He spends a lot of time at my place because his apartment is really tiny and dingy. I have asked him why he doesn't take me out and he says it's because we've known each other for so long, it isn't necessary to go through the motions of dating. But I'd really like to go out to more than just 1 dinner with him to get to know him in a different light. And I have told him this. But it doesn't look like that's happening.

Mostly he's just over at my place, which I enjoy because it's fun to spend time together. I do his laundry, make him breakfast and dinner some times, and he walks me to class in the morning. But, that's about it. He says he isn't looking for a fwb and he wants to try a long term relationship, but doesn't dating come before relationship? I feel incredibly shallow that I'm sad because he doesn't take me out or try to buy me little gifts. He's the first guy I've considered as a potential boyfriend in college, but I've dated before and other guys open doors for me, pull out my chair, buy me chocolates, etc. That's normal isn't it? I really like him a lot but this bothers me and I'm wondering if I'm just asking for too much.

I really do appreciate any word in. I really do.

from a guys perspective not normal. way too young to be doing laundry. if he was interested and broke he will steal the chocolate or starve to buy you a lil something, also if he is really into you he would not be able to wait to take you out and parade you around.
I know ppl will tell you to talk to him, you are too young to be talking about very simple things. The lets talk it over will get you into a long term dead end relationship. Just move on and find somebody who will be what you want