[Beccalouise]

So recently, over the past month or so, I've noticed I've been snapping more at my boyfriend when I REALLY don't mean to. He's constantly telling me I keep shouting at him and treating him badly, he was even close to breaking up with me because I kept doing it. I can see myself doing it but I can't seem to stop causing an argument. I reckon it's just my hormones and emotions but I can't find a way to make him realise it's just my hormones because he'll refuse to believe it.
Even though we were close to breaking up, he says he still loves me but he doesn't want to be treated badly. I promised him the day he almost ended it with me I'd change, this was on Saturday and today we got into an argument because of a misunderstanding, I took something he said the wrong way. I'm really scared of losing him because I really do love him and I cannot keep treating him like this any longer.
Another theory I have is because he's recently had to move further away from me in the last month or so because of family issues, we're used to seeing each other every day but now we only really see each other once a week and at weekends which is also really tough.

How can I talk to him about my moods which are causing these arguments or how can I stop causing these arguments?

(I do realise I have posted this in different sections, but I wasn't sure where the best place was to put it and i really need help!)

[Pollon]

I am assuming you are young. Part of growing up is learning to not open your mouth every time you have a feeling. To start that, you can try taking three deep breaths (or count to ten) before you speak.

If it helps, you can think of your verbal assaults as abuse no different than hitting him. If he were hitting you, you would not accept the excuse that it was just hormones.

[rcoreyus]

Also - apologize, as soon as you calm down enough, don't wait. Tell him that you don't mean it, you are trying to control your behavior.

A thought (might be a bad idea) is to also owe him some sort of real favor along with the apology. Do something really nice just for him.

OTOH - If I picture this with the genders reversed it sounds a lot like abuse and I'd be recommending that the victim leave. Have you tried counseling for anger?

All this assumes of course that your outbursts are NOT reasonable given what is going on.

[jns]

How did conflict resolution play out when you were growing up? A lot of time things like this are learned behaviors.

[Beccalouise]

The thing is, these arguments never really occur in person, we're always fine when we're together in person, as if it never happened or I apologize for what I did and we make up. The arguments happen over text usually so I'm never actually shouting at him. I'll give you an example (sorry if it's a bit personal). Yesterday when we had the argument, it was over Skype, not talking but as in text chat. He's due to come and see me this weekend but for some reason he was being a bit moody and said he might not come down, and he said "there won't be anything for us to do anyway" which I took the wrong way, thinking he meant just because we can't have sex (personal reasons), that means there's nothing to do and it'll be boring. I said that's what I thought he meant and he kicked off saying that's not what he meant and I shouldn't assume he's with me for sex - Which i don't. That's just one example, but that's basically how it happens.

Another thing is that in past relationships I've been in, it's really been the opposite. My past boyfriend's have started arguments for no reason, if I don't want to do something they'd go moody and that would cause the argument. My friend says that I let people walk all over me because I'm too soft with them and I'd take the blame just to settle things even if it wasn't my fault, or if it was both of our faults.

[Pollon]

It almost sounds to me like you can't let you boyfriends be disappointed with you without you picking a fight. You seem to insist that they be happy with whatever you want. Let me explain.

With your past boyfriends you said,

"My past boyfriend's have started arguments for no reason, if I don't want to do something they'd go moody and that would cause the argument."

First of all, this is not "go[ing] moody" for "no reason." In fact, you refused/resisted doing something they wanted to do. For most people not getting to do something they want to do leads to disappointment. That is certainly a feeling that can look like "go[ing] moody."

Second, you presumably reacted to their reasonable disappointment with something insensitive. This is like kicking someone when they're down. They didn't appreciate your reaction and an argument followed.

Now, I am assuming the thing you didn't want to do was reasonable.

Now your current boyfriend you said,

"but for some reason he was being a bit moody and said he might not come down, and he said "there won't be anything for us to do anyway" "

Again, you seem to be insensitive or oblivious to why he is "moody." And rather then show some interest in why he is "moody" you get up in a bunch about whatever he says and jump all over him.

So my point is, that you seem to require that you boyfriends do what you want and feel how you want them to feel. And when they don't meet your requirement, you punish them with an argument. Of course, if the tables where turned, you would be referring to your boyfriends as controlling *******holes.

If you think this fits, then my suggestion would be to learn a little empathy for what it's like to pushed around and discounted by the person who claims to care about you.

[Pollon]

It almost sounds to me like you can't let you boyfriends be disappointed with you without you picking a fight. You seem to insist that they be happy with whatever you want. Let me explain.

With your past boyfriends you said,

"My past boyfriend's have started arguments for no reason, if I don't want to do something they'd go moody and that would cause the argument."

First of all, this is not "go[ing] moody" for "no reason." In fact, you refused/resisted doing something they wanted to do. For most people not getting to do something they want to do leads to disappointment. That is certainly a feeling that can look like "go[ing] moody."

Second, you presumably reacted to their reasonable disappointment with something insensitive. This is like kicking someone when they're down. They didn't appreciate your reaction and an argument followed.

I am assuming the thing you didn't want to do was reasonable.

Now about your current boyfriend you said,

"but for some reason he was being a bit moody and said he might not come down, and he said "there won't be anything for us to do anyway" "

Again, you seem to be insensitive or oblivious to why he is "moody." And rather then show some interest in why he is "moody" or offer some comfort/compromise you get up in a bunch about whatever he says and jump all over him.

So my point is, that you seem to require that your boyfriends do what you want and feel how you want them to feel. And when they don't meet your requirement, you punish them with an argument. Of course, if the tables where turned, you would be referring to your boyfriends as controlling ****************************holes.

If you think this fits, then my suggestion would be to learn a little empathy for what it's like to pushed around and discounted by the person who claims to care about you.