[rubyrage21]

original post: https://www.womens-health.com/boards...tml#post320717

I posted a while ago about my traumatic experience with my now ex who was released from prison. Because of all the wonderful and informative advice, i had enough strength to move on in my healing process. Its been a little over a year now since it happened and out of the blue I got a random text which is clearly the current “new girl” of my ex.

She said she wanted answers. (My ex had been away in prison for 10 years and has been out a little over a year now) She asked me if he was ever physically abusive and if he ever asked me for weird sexual favors, I asked like what and she says anal. I said no. Then she says “nothing painful or weird, and again,I said no to both. Then she asked if I had ever suspected that he may be gay or bisexual. I told her I had my suspicions because he wasn’t very responsive to me sexually. She then asked me if violence and anal sex was the only thing that turned him on in the bedroom. I told her that he was very violent with me in any way. She said the only thing that turns him on is playing rape! She then asked me if i got tested since we broke up and I told her yea that I was clean and then she said to make sure i ask them to test for hpv. I told her again, that I am clean.

I was completely baffled, a million things were running through my head. I feel sick, overwhelmed…idk…What do you think?

[Little]

I think she is a woman looking desperately for answers. She thinks you have them. Really, it's only your ex that has the answers to why he is the way he is ... and until he can understand himself, maybe he should avoid romantic connections with others. If she wants to continue a relationship with such a confused individual, that's up to her, but if it's upsetting to you to talk about him and his new relationship, you should ask her not to contact you.

It would probably be worth your time to call up your gyno's office and ask them to review your file and tell you if they tested for HPV. According to my doctor, something like 90% of people have it (though this could have been a local statistic,) and I was not informed when I tested positive for it on my pap. It is something your body can take care of on its own.

[jns]

It sounds like his time in prison has cross-wired his brain so violence and rape is part of sexual foreplay. Studies on animals have shown that those areas in the brain are nearby. I hope his new girl realizes where everything is leading and gets out.

[rcoreyus]

Prison in the US is very brutal - its easy to imagine that people are left with long term psychological scars. He may have been raped himself many times.

[rubyrage21]

Thank you for all the replies. I guess it was so shocking to hear because he was never physically or sexually violent with me, Nor did he ever ask me for any weird sexual favors that she expresses. He was emotionally abusive at times. I guess it got worse since then.

*little I had the HPV shots when i was young and i did ask to be tested for it after my relationship with him, and i do not have it. Thank God for that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I just want to say how happy I am to read that our members helped you move on and out of that situation....

How do you think she got your phone number?

I agree, she desperately is searching for answers and that 10 years in prison in USA probably led him to being raped.. Perhaps it's all he now knows.

But, I would say if she texts messages you again? Let her know that you wish to now leave that part of your life in the past.. Hopefully, she will understand and not contact you again.. You need to continue to grow and move on, not be reminded.

[rubyrage21]

I just want to say how happy I am to read that our members helped you move on and out of that situation....

How do you think she got your phone number?

I agree, she desperately is searching for answers and that 10 years in prison in USA probably led him to being raped.. Perhaps it's all he now knows.

But, I would say if she texts messages you again? Let her know that you wish to now leave that part of your life in the past.. Hopefully, she will understand and not contact you again.. You need to continue to grow and move on, not be reminded.

It is uncertain how she got my number. When i asked her that, he response was "out of a phone" i'm assuming it is his phone.
I guess he was raped and i did question his lack of interest in me sexually but never did i imagine hat it was to the extent that she described. He has never put his hands on me, it seems like his true self has unleashed on to her.

she has all the answers she sought and upon discovering that her baby father is treating her far worse than he has ever treated me is probably eating her up inside. What she will do with that information i don't know.

[rubyrage21]

also, didnt know that a person being raped can lead them to act out that same behavior on another which makes me wonder why he never unleashed these urges onto me, and why it is coming out now.

[jns]

Maybe he was with you a shorter time than with her. Also, since he knew you from before, he may have made a greater effort to hold back. It is also possible that this is a thing that has been building for a while. Possibly when he first got out, he was trying to see how he would respond to female companionship again. Also, the Coolidge Effect may have played a part, where the time spent with you was a new physical relationship. When the relationship with her lasted long enough, he may have started having erectile dysfunction type problems that he found he didn't have with rape and violence as foreplay. It would be hard to say even for a psychological expert without interviewing and testing of him.

[rubyrage21]

Maybe he was with you a shorter time than with her. Also, since he knew you from before, he may have made a greater effort to hold back. It is also possible that this is a thing that has been building for a while. Possibly when he first got out, he was trying to see how he would respond to female companionship again. Also, the Coolidge Effect may have played a part, where the time spent with you was a new physical relationship. When the relationship with her lasted long enough, he may have started having erectile dysfunction type problems that he found he didn't have with rape and violence as foreplay. It would be hard to say even for a psychological expert without interviewing and testing of him.

I think you may have hit it on the nose. He could never keep an erection with me, ever! I thought it was me and then started to question if he was ever attracted to e. Nothing i did got him aroused. I think this made him angry and thats when he started to withdraw from sex all together.

I also think your assumption is correct about him holding back because he knew me and i was also very close to his family so there may have been a fear that i would expose him. He doesn't even claim this girl.

i think he did realize that he couldn't respond to female companionship and because he couldn't he had to make it look like it was me and treat me as though i was the problem to make himself feel better.

This is all very scary and disturbing and I thank God that I am out of it!