[kairi2723]

That's one heck of a reply to Claret - and one that I think you should re-read a few times. In fact, there are a couple of sentences I want to re-read a couple of times, given I am still yet to Divorce and some of that is scary

Tell me about it lol xD I'd been thinking it might be emotional abuse and this morning, after doing a little research, suddenly everything's fallen into place! I'm still in shock that it was emotional abuse. I mean, I knew something wasn't right, because he used to randomly say some really thoughtless things (and I'd put him in his place for it), but I always blamed it on military stress.

I'm just really glad I know what it was now. B/c i was actually starting to blame myself.. often :X & I'm SO thankful that you bothered to read my writing at all. xD and of course for responding to my posts b/c if you didn't, I'd still be in that mess.

There was so much more I wanted to add to it xD but I didn't want to overdo it. I wish they hadn't taken down the link but if you type in "emotional abuse heartless" into google or bing, it'll come up saying "Emotional Abusers- Heartless B International." That piece of writing is really long lol but also full of interesting stuff.

Frankly, the idea of him being emotionally abusive is the only reason I haven't texted him today xD Everytime I start to miss him, I remind myself, I'd be going back to abuse. It's really hard though. :/ at least 5 times today i've been thinking about offering my friendship or at least sending tons of hugs his way. I feel bad for him now. **sighs** I just gotta stay strong for my farrrr in the future kids lol

Yes, lol it pays to be careful ^-^ ...but all in all, I'm sure you and your husband won't have trouble with these issues. You seem like the type who knows how to choose men wisely xD

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Actually.................................... It's a good idea to keep writing here. It gives you perspective as well as a place to come back to to re-read. In addition we wannnna know as time goes by how you are and where you are at.

Most Emotional Abusers also want control over a person. Both in their opinion is a must, in order to keep the person where they want them to be. They also as you have established do the blame game, in which case, you doubt yourself, become in-secure, even put weight on through depression, lose your friends and sometimes family and become isolated.

You only want happiness in your life remember that. If the person you are with is not making you happy and it's all work from your end with nothing in return, it's time to let that negative person leave your life ..

I have a wonderful fiancé he knew from get go what I would and wouldn't accept Best thing that has happened in my life, but first I had to realise my worth, love myself, understand people are who they are we can not change them, ensure that only positive people were in my life (this place is different, helping people is awesome), and from there it was really interesting, weeding out the wanna bees, liers, cheaters and sex only wanting males to the real ones that had something to share, give and consequently, me, giving and sharing back with them

[kairi2723]

Actually.................................... It's a good idea to keep writing here. It gives you perspective as well as a place to come back to to re-read. In addition we wannnna know as time goes by how you are and where you are at.

Most Emotional Abusers also want control over a person. Both in their opinion is a must, in order to keep the person where they want them to be. They also as you have established do the blame game, in which case, you doubt yourself, become in-secure, even put weight on through depression, lose your friends and sometimes family and become isolated.

You only want happiness in your life remember that. If the person you are with is not making you happy and it's all work from your end with nothing in return, it's time to let that negative person leave your life ..

I have a wonderful fiancé he knew from get go what I would and wouldn't accept Best thing that has happened in my life, but first I had to realise my worth, love myself, understand people are who they are we can not change them, ensure that only positive people were in my life (this place is different, helping people is awesome), and from there it was really interesting, weeding out the wanna bees, liers, cheaters and sex only wanting males to the real ones that had something to share, give and consequently, me, giving and sharing back with them

Lol, I'll do my best to stay in touch. It'll definitely help me avoid relapsing, despite the fact that I already have v.v I spent all day watching movies and listening to music but 30 min before 12am, I couldn't fight texting him anymore :/ as friends though, no mention of getting back together, and he knows it. I even told him why.

That's what's weird! I mean, despite a VERY 2 time, short period when he tried to put words in my mouth, literally, he.. hasn't really been controlling. When I'd tell him I'm going out with friends, he'd be ok with it. I'd hang with my fam and be absorbed in video games, and he wouldn't be a jerk after. Yes, sometimes he made me feel bad about myself, but what's bugging me is I'm not even sure the things he'd say were on purpose. They were too... sudden to be thought out and malicious. I used to do that with my ex, accidentally say things that offended him. The difference is as soon as I realized I hurt him, I'd do my best to fix it. My offenses were never intentional (until my revenge period). I think I'm in denial or hoping it's not emotional abuse right now.

You're right. You're completely right, but it's killing me so much. When he's on base, 89% of the time he's the perfect boyfriend. I've realized that this will never go anywhere if things don't change. I know for a fact that I can't change him lol A romantic relationship with him would do more damage than good, but he's so easy to talk to. I feel like I'd be missing out by letting him go completely. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but the chemistry just isn't the same.

Lol, that's awesome. I want to be like that too... Tbh, I used to think I was, but apparently.. lmao anyways, I'm glad you were able to find the real ones. After this mistake, **sighs** Hopefully though after a few years, of getting to know myself, when i get back into dating, I'll be as saavy as you are ^-^ When's the wedding??

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Pretty sure you will go backwards and forwards with this, it's normal. Maybe he's a "great" friend that you also had chemistry with, not relationship material for you anyway...

Time shall prevail.. He I imagine, will be very nice from here.. No one who abuses or controls likes to loose, remember that .

I do definitely think that experience serves us well, each "wrong" we try to ensure we don't do again, well we try

You are young, level headed, smart I have no doubt you'll work it all out the right way.

Wedding? Have to get Divorced first shhhhhh, long story We live together so we are married in our eyes but a year or two and we shall do it, after all I can't grow old gracefully, un-married

[kairi2723]

Pretty sure you will go backwards and forwards with this, it's normal.

You are awesome! I was scared you were gonna say something like my mom would. If she found out, she'd tell me I have low self-esteem. That I should be able to just walk away lol & my grandma would make excuses for him & say I'm being overdramatic, that what he does isn't abuse. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone about this >.> so thanks for being realistic & kind with me. Yeah, definitely not relationship material x3

**nods** thank you, I'll look out for that. Though between you and me, after all the crap, I'm kinda looking forward to some well deserved treatment. However, I will never give him the impression that we're getting back together no matter what he promises or sends me. After all of this, I know they'd only be lies.

Lol you're right, we sure do try. v.v

Thanks for your faith in me xD

Oooh :3 I understand now I'm glad you've found happiness, and I do love good stories.. especially long ones that end happily lol ..if ever you're willing

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your Mother is a Mother off course she is going to say toughen up princess :P And, your Grandmother was born of a different era, they were taught to try and try and try and stay..

I on the other hand, am realistic and there is nothing wrong with falling and catching yourself again, it's life's lesson, they are there to be learnt

There actually was only one thing I hated the most that was/ is lying. Though I don't use the words hate, can't either where possible as they are negative huh...

There is no relationship without trust, so lying rules it out for me. I speak from experience with the emotional abuse, don't question that, I read it, it's there. It's like women aren't worth it until I find the one that I want and she has to be, ... and...and...and... in the meantime, I like this one and by treating her like shirt, she'll stay as I've bought her down enough to think less of herself now.

The key to this is to climb the ladder now.. Look into that mirror and realise your inner beauty as well as your outer beauty and every day go out of your way to dress to feel good for you, no one else... Watch what happens from there !!

I was always a strong one... Can't pull me down for long. This one caught me off guard because he was great, until, we married and then I saw the real person.. Funny how they can do that :P

[kairi2723]

Your Mother is a Mother off course she is going to say toughen up princess :P And, your Grandmother was born of a different era, they were taught to try and try and try and stay..

I on the other hand, am realistic and there is nothing wrong with falling and catching yourself again, it's life's lesson, they are there to be learnt

There actually was only one thing I hated the most that was/ is lying. Though I don't use the words hate, can't either where possible as they are negative huh...

There is no relationship without trust, so lying rules it out for me. I speak from experience with the emotional abuse, don't question that, I read it, it's there. It's like women aren't worth it until I find the one that I want and she has to be, ... and...and...and... in the meantime, I like this one and by treating her like shirt, she'll stay as I've bought her down enough to think less of herself now.

The key to this is to climb the ladder now.. Look into that mirror and realise your inner beauty as well as your outer beauty and every day go out of your way to dress to feel good for you, no one else... Watch what happens from there !!

I was always a strong one... Can't pull me down for long. This one caught me off guard because he was great, until, we married and then I saw the real person.. Funny how they can do that :P

True lol xD but it's just hypocritical coming from her. She's in an emotionally abusive relationship. It might actually be worse than mine was. He's the openly jealous, controlling type who at the same time treats her like she's... expendable, in the sense that he puts his friends first. He was ready to divorce her b/c she said she didn't like his friends & said she wouldn't move to the state he lived in (4-5 months after they married, long story). & she's 5 months pregnant & he doesn't really want me to come visit her although she wants me to.. so it's a tough situation. What probably makes it worse is she doesn't even see that the relationship is unhealthy.

When they started dating, she got a kick out of arguing with him. She'd smile whenever she made him jealous in a text. My mom enjoyed hurting his feelings and saying randomly cruel things. 1+ year into their relationship, she told him that if my dad asked her back, she'd say yes. That was probably the worst thing she's ever said to him. & she didn't regret saying it!! She was like, "I'm just being honest." & after he dumped her, she was relieved and moved onto the next one, till they got back together months later. Besides my baby sister, I don't know WHO to feel more sorry for nowadays!

& in ref to my grandma, I kinnnnd of agree lol v.v like her first husband, he had a mistress & he told her he always would. So she left. Second husband hit her. That was over quick. With the third, I don't remember, but she eventually became the other woman with my grandpa. He left his wife in Puerto Rico with his 5 children, toddlers and babies, one only 3 weeks old... He never divorced his wife & my grandma stayed with him till he died. He was a cheating, smoking, drunk, but an excellent grandfather. He actually sowed clothing for my barbies xD First she stayed with him for my dad's sake, then she just got comfortable and spent his money annnd cheated on him with 3+ men, whom she's still talking to now. Even if I proved that it was emotional abuse, she'd, more so, tell me to see what I can get out of him, use him. So you're completely right, she'd tell me to stay with him & keep trying :/ She'd tell me to focus on the redeemable qualities. Like one of her bfs is verbally harsh lol but she sees him as redeemable b/c he gives her money, lots of it, every week. He says something mean, he buys her a snuggie, or a cruise trip lol another bf is married & young, she uses him for sex & conversation, & the third buys her Jamaican beef patties and gifts every now and then for no reason.

Lol amen, he's just another mistake that I should learn from... I'm gonna have to be more careful than I was when I met him, which will be hard to pull off xD but i will.

Same here! Lying just complicates things way too much. You never know what to believe or if it's even safe to believe them. & that's cool lol i understand.. all the way lol I used to be a Wiccan, so I understand preferring positives to negatives.

YES, exActly! That's exActly what he was thinking!! ..& it's just impossible lol I mean all I can think of is how could someone like him do that to another person?! Obviously, they do, but it makes the world a dangerous, scary, scary place. I was so sure he was better. I was there for him during some of the worst times in his life, in the marines. I'm the one who kept him going when he was suicidal (he told me that himself!)... I was watching The First Wives Club a couple days ago xD i feel like one of them although I haven't known him that long. v.v what I want to ask you though, since you've been through it. Think they'll ever find their "ideal" woman orrr that they'll ever get the help they need?

x3 i'm gonna try that lol starting tomorrow, I'm gonna put on my jewelry, my favorite dress, and some heels xD i have to run to the store for more ice cream (nuvaring just ruined my period... the cramps... had i known... i would've never... lol). Thank you for the advice there. I really want to like the way I am again. It's weird for me not liking what I see... I was never one of those girls growing up. I don't even wear makeup! (Though lately I've been feeling like I should.. b/c of him -_-)

Yikes :/ I'm sorry he tricked you like that. That's the ultimate betrayal! & it's even worse b/c if you weren't who he was ultimately looking for... he tied you down for control, didn't he? Did any children come of it?

[Trisha23]

relationships should be full of trust and understanding,just tell him what you want and ask him what he want for this relationship then meet halfway,it's just a matter of discussing things so that everything will be fixed.

or might be your just jealous of his family and friends...and too demanding of you his time..