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Am I Wrong?

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  • Am I Wrong?

    This might be long, in advance, I'm sorry but please read it all.

    My boyfriend's in the marines. We've been together 1 year and 2 months. The last time he came home was in May. He made wonderful plans with me then cancelled a day+ in advance. I even told him I'd come to his city to make it easier for him. He didn't invite me over.

    On our 1 year anniversary (during his time off) he spent 3 hours with me. We messed around, talked, danced, watched tv, and he texted his friends trying to figure out when they wanted to hang.

    When he's back at base I get mad about how he treated me. I tell him I don't need this and I leave. He begged me to come back and promised he wouldn't cancel our dates next time, in July. He even got his act together & treated me better. So, we develop plans for when he comes back home. I even make sure he establishes the days we'll do stuff on so he can tell everyone that that's my designated time. He acts ok with it but when he comes home...

    We spend the first day at a hotel. It was great, we spent more time talking and discussing his family, friends than anything else. I watched him texting his friends, and he'd even put them on speaker when they'd call him.

    Next day I was supposed to meet his mom and family. We'd agreed a week in advance that he'd hop the train and get me and bring me to meet them. The day comes, he says come on your own. I'm angry, but I say w/e. An argument occurs about something else, and long story short, to avoid embarrassment and awkwardness, I decide not to meet his family.

    The problem with our relationship is he lives on his family and friends' timelines. The plans I make with him fall void in comparison to spontaneous plans his friends develop. Another problem, we breakup and get back together all the time. Normally, I'm the one breaking up and of course he complains about this to friends and family and they tell him I'm not good enough for him, which leads to more problems...

    He doesn't respect my time; he doesn't keep the promises he makes. He lies, and he's too ********** to stand up and tell me what he will and won't do until the time comes for him to do it, which not only makes me want to KILL HIM, but it makes it harder for me to even trust or want to be with him.

    When it occurs to me that the only way I can get him to treat me right is to get his family and friends to like me, it's too late. B/c by then, I'm in revenge mode for him attempting to break our plans, and not b/c of friends or family, (Though he used his family as an excuse, a stupid excuse since I knew he was lying... again.) but b/c he didn't really want to come to my city and do them. Had I known that he wanted me in his city the whole week, we could've worked out a new plan & I wouldn't have gotten as mad as I AM. I wanted revenge for the way he'd been wasting my time, the way he'd been giving all these empty promises over the last couple months.

    So I tell him forget our plans, come take the train, pick me up and bring me to your city b/c I've never been there before. & I told him if he did that, that I'd continue to see him over there for the rest of the week. He says no just come and I'll meet you halfway, but that's just not good enough for me.

    So we fight for 2 days straight. I give an ultimatum about it and he chooses not to. We're not together anymore.

    He's selfish. When it comes to me, if he's not "getting anything out of it," he won't do it. When it comes to his family, he'll bend over backwards. Am I jealous? Yes. I try to be understanding, but he won't give me room for it. He'll bail on me and/or disrespect my time.

    MY QUESTION IS was I wrong for wanting more from him? After all this time, I just asked him to take the 1 hour journey to get me b/c I needed him to do something for me. Something to show that he cared about me like he cares for his family. As a way to apologize for trying to change our plans, and he just wouldn't do it for no other reason than that he didn't want to. And now the week's wasted.

  • I understand you want the romance with your relationship, him courting you, coming to get you. But, that's double time, I don't think that it was wrong of him to say he'd meet you half way. That to me just makes sense.

    I think, demanding won't and doesn't work with people. He is away a lot off course, in addition to you, there is family and there are friends. I understand you want quality time as well and to feel loved.

    He's young from the sounds of it. I don't think the answer is befriending his friends and family and it does sound as if he talks about you to them and they don't approve. But it also sounds as if you need to relax a little, let things flow a little.
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
      I understand you want the romance with your relationship, him courting you, coming to get you. But, that's double time, I don't think that it was wrong of him to say he'd meet you half way. That to me just makes sense.

      I think, demanding won't and doesn't work with people. He is away a lot off course, in addition to you, there is family and there are friends. I understand you want quality time as well and to feel loved.

      He's young from the sounds of it. I don't think the answer is befriending his friends and family and it does sound as if he talks about you to them and they don't approve. But it also sounds as if you need to relax a little, let things flow a little.
      You're right. I don't think I would've jumped on the "come get me" boat if I hadn't been angry with him xD ... I don't really like lists, but to make this shorter...

      1. He forgot my birthday, which was just a couple of weeks ago. All he said was sorry.
      2. No anniversary gift, no celebration.
      3. No Christmas or Valentine's gifts despite the fact that during that time he'd had $4,000+ saved up.
      4. He was supposed to make up for forgetting my bday among other things but he didn't even try.
      5. He wanted to back out of a date I'd been looking forward to for months. Nothing expensive, something corney, ihop.
      6. He didn't tell his mom I was coming... they told him to invite a friend and he invited me. As you know, they don't exactly like me... he didn't even warn them... and then after an irrelevant argument, & me telling him i was done >.> he told them a friend was coming, if I'd come, he'd have introduced me as a friend, even though they knew we'd been dating, which would've been really, unsavory.
      7. I was starting to get worn out from him being in the military. We text so often when he's on base that I found it easy to forget that he's in the military. But as soon as he mentioned infantry I panicked and got desperate to move near his base, but b/c I'm broke & in college... & he didn't offer to help me (his fam mooches off him financially, he wants a woman who has work ethic). In the end he said I could deal with the long distance or leave him.

      All of this came together & made me lose it.

      & I did try to communicate with him before getting vengeful and telling him to come get me. But the communicating did nothing. He didn't even apologize for not telling his mom I was coming or for trying to cancel a date that he knew I'd wanted. He didn't care. He wasn't always like this, he changes when he comes home. Makes me wonder if he's using me.

      He'd been on vacation in FL with his family the week before he came home (1.75 weeks leave), which made me think he'd be more eager/open minded about hanging with me. But that's not even the problem lol

      I don't mind him loving his friends and family. I think it's sweet and makes him an amazing guy, but his willingness to cancel dates and abruptly leave dates. & do NOTHING I want to do. Ever... I can only tolerate so much. I give him gifts for his bday, Christmas... I'm supportive and despite the consistent breaking up, I am invested. I want to see this relationship lead to marriage and children, but I get nothing from this. He tells me sweet nothings to pacify me with no intention of following through. He never reciprocates gifts; he never reciprocates sacrifices. He doesn't do anything I want to do unless he gets something out of it.

      All he does for me is give me someone to talk to. He's my best friend. I can talk to him about anything. He knows how to make me happy, but when the crap hits the fan, that won't be enough to keep our relationship alive. It's his way or the highway, and since he's not willing to compromise or fix our problems, it's like why should I?

      Absolutely, he tells me to calm down too lol I can be very bossy and controlling, but I wasn't like that a few months ago. I was a nice, thoughtful, good girlfriend. When he'd say something disrespectful to me, I'd even calmly tell him it wasn't ok. & if he didn't hear me, which was often, we'd end up arguing. I tried to be mature, but he thought he could take me for granted and he did. He had the nerve to tell me he was waiting for someone better to come along. He told me he wanted someone assertive, so I showed him a new side of me & that.. obviously isn't working either. I can't find the BALANCE. If I'm nice & understanding, the next day he thinks he can do whatever he wants!

      The last time he came, we'd been having a great relationship despite the distance, I made myself open to things he wanted to do, like meeting his friends (he suggested it) and then he backed out, and I accepted it. & I volunteered, volunteered to come there and hang with him and his friends, but he wasn't up for that. His mom threw a bbq and he didn't invite me. Later he told me it was b/c his mom didn't like me. He wasn't that into me, despite how happy we'd been when he was on base...

      He'd told me that he loved me and he wasn't going anywhere. He thanked me for putting up with his crap, but when he came home he had the nerve to avoid texting me for 2 days. I had to text him. All this from me being a good girlfriend. It's like if I don't roar and complain, he'll walk all over me. Even this week, when I'd been understanding about him leaving the hotel early, the next day, when I talked to him about what we were going to do that Sunday, as soon as I gave him control, he changed our plans completely. All of the things I wanted to do, he took out of the picture. So I kind of had to set him straight.

      I'm so worn out from him. I want to let it flow but when I try that, it goes nowhere or horribly wrong. Yep, he just turned 19. I just turned 20. Before the marines, he was actually, pretty wonderful, as was I. The distance has been wearing on us both.
      Last edited by kairi2723; 08-05-2013, 09:06 PM.

      Comment


      • I'm stopping at the no gifts.

        I'm also thinking back to the parents thing.

        Do you class this relationship as "serious"?

        I'm starting to wonder whether you are the girl back home. And, that your "demands" Are you trying to get the recognition of being a girlfriend, when you are not actually being treated as one, shown off as one.
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

        Comment


        • He had the nerve to tell me he was waiting for someone better to come along. He told me he wanted someone assertive
          What I also want to say to you, is this. Whilst compromise is important in a relationship, working out ways to make someone treat you right only to be treated worse or the same, is that what you deserve?

          Being assertive is knowing who you are, what you want out of life and going out and getting it. I guess, keeping "him" guessing, wondering and wanting assurance that you love him.

          I doubt his parents don't like you, I doubt they know about you and if they do he's down played things, he's 19 and has joined the Military.. A lot of responsibility and a lot of growing up to do..

          I don't know if this guy honestly is worth your time. Seems he has disrespected you constantly and not treating you right.

          You mention "Hotel" is that where he sees you when he comes home?
          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

          Comment


          • The writing is on the wall and has been for a while. He is just not in to you. Read everything you've written here and pretend it's from your best female friend or sister (or daughter for that matter) and then tell us what you would say to them about this situation. This isn't a relationship, you are not girlfriend/boyfriend, you are not even dating for that matter so why all the high expectations.
            Please, write down what you would say, I'd be interested in reading it.
            That which we forget may as well never really happened.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
              I'm stopping at the no gifts.

              I'm also thinking back to the parents thing.

              Do you class this relationship as "serious"?

              I'm starting to wonder whether you are the girl back home. And, that your "demands" Are you trying to get the recognition of being a girlfriend, when you are not actually being treated as one, shown off as one.
              Lol

              & not really, tbh. I asked him (before he went on leave) how he felt about our future and he said he saw us being together for a long time. I asked what happens when he leaves the marines, he said he'll move back home, go to college and we'll see each other more often. He didn't mention marriage or moving in together and although he wants me to move near him on base, he didn't volunteer to help, so yeah... I was planning to leave him based on that but he said he didn't want us to breakup & that he loved me & yadaya.

              I want it to be serious b/c I love absolutely love our conversations. & in person, his energy, (and i don't mean sex xD) is so magnetic, I want to be apart of his world. It's frightfully inviting, (although I didn't go when he asked..) but because he doesn't treat me the way I need him to, I didn't see why we should move to the next step. So no.

              That's exactly what messes me up! When he's on base, he texts me every single day. He initiates it and it's an alllll day event. Usually if I don't tell him I have to do a college class or I have to go to sleep, he won't stop writing me. While he's at work, during his classes (unless he has a test), at the barracks, on his way to walmart (some1 else drives). He's addicted, completely committed. (He hadn't had sex since the last time we did it, wont go into detail about how I know, but yes, he's not cheating.)

              So after all this, when he comes home, it's like I don't exist. Mind you, this past time, you were right before, it was mostly my fault. I got too on edge b/c I thought he was about to treat me like he usually did, but he was actually gonna take me to ihop in his city. & i'd forgotten that I actually agreed to that the month before, we'd just been switching plans so often... v.v

              Anyway, he used to treat me like whatever when he came home. This time he didn't, not as much. But, at the same time, he's still at fault for thinking he could get away with all the stuff he pulled so it's like.. grrr

              Comment


              • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                What I also want to say to you, is this. Whilst compromise is important in a relationship, working out ways to make someone treat you right only to be treated worse or the same, is that what you deserve?

                Being assertive is knowing who you are, what you want out of life and going out and getting it. I guess, keeping "him" guessing, wondering and wanting assurance that you love him.

                I doubt his parents don't like you, I doubt they know about you and if they do he's down played things, he's 19 and has joined the Military.. A lot of responsibility and a lot of growing up to do..

                I don't know if this guy honestly is worth your time. Seems he has disrespected you constantly and not treating you right.

                You mention "Hotel" is that where he sees you when he comes home?
                No v.v I just have trouble letting go of relationships until I know I've tried everything. My last one lasted 4 years (off and on, mostly off, we'd spend at least 3-6 months apart, then we'd try again). I actually managed to get my ex wrapped around my finger around the 2nd year. It lasted 11 months, 11 perfect months but b/c I was getting revenge in the process (he was a cheater), we didn't last. I kinda exposed my evil plan at the end & he got me back for it.

                ****nods**** that's definitely how it seems since nothing I've tried seems to work. I mean, I got farther than I ever had this time. He actually wanted me involved in his life, but then again, the only reason he wanted me to meet his mom is b/c I wanted to meet her. It's like what did I win, really? A puppet? & when he's not letting me pull the strings, he's selfish, thoughtless, disrespectful. Now he wasn't like this before but since I've become more... controlling, is a good word, he's developed into a liar! Or maybe he always was! I feel like I don't know him anymore!

                That could be the case. I mean, she knew about me in the beginning, wanted to meet me but now since we've broken up so often, I doubt she even knew we were still together. & you're right, I should let him go. Now's the time for him to grow and spread his wings. Texting me all day won't help him, it'll just hold him back. It'll hold us both back.

                He's not, I just don't want to deal with the grief. I'm in summer school doing online courses for medical transcription. I already distract myself from school b/c i'm lazy, but adding sorrow and rage to that... I can't afford to mess up my grades, it's REally hard to get a good job in this field unless you graduate with honors.

                Nah, he usually came over to my gran's. Which is another thing, we haven't been on a real date since September. He came home in Dec and May. He didn't take me out either times and he was getting paid back then xD I mean, this time he would have taken me to ihop in brooklyn but... bad communicating and anger killed that.

                So no, the hotel was my idea, I'm the sex addict in our relationship. & when he came to the hotel, I learned that he hadn't been cheating (thank GOD) and mostly we just talked, namely him. He told me all his secrets. It was beautiful xD so no, he wasn't just using me for sex, this time. I actually got somewhere this time.. & I blew it.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Claret View Post
                  The writing is on the wall and has been for a while. He is just not in to you. Read everything you've written here and pretend it's from your best female friend or sister (or daughter for that matter) and then tell us what you would say to them about this situation. This isn't a relationship, you are not girlfriend/boyfriend, you are not even dating for that matter so why all the high expectations.
                  Please, write down what you would say, I'd be interested in reading it.
                  He's using you and he's trying to get everything he can from you. Whatever you give, he's willing to take with no intention of giving back. This is an unhealthy relationship you're in and it's unfair to you. Now I know he acts like he's 100% into you when he's on base, but that's just him using you again. He doesn't want to be there. He's lonely. He has low self esteem and is insecure about who he is. So what does he do? He works to make you feel the same way. He's been trying to bring you to his level... even under his level by making you constantly unsure, confused, and insecure about where the relationship stands. He hasn't been doing it as much as he used to, but the problems are still there. This is also known as emotional abuse.

                  [removed link]

                  Here are some important parts from this blog that I want you to read, and tell me this isn't you...

                  "If you are in a relationship where you have a sick sense that SOMETHING is wrong, but somehow it's always YOUR fault, and you find yourself always trying to "fix" things, this article may be for you."

                  "The more subtle forms of emotional abuse can be the hardest to escape from, because the gaps between the loving, caring behavior and the emotional cruelty can span several weeks or months. However, someone who is nice and caring, and helpful for 2 or 3 months at a time, but then deliberately does or says something very emotionally devastating and cruel to a partner is no better than someone who does the same nice things but then PUNCHES his partner once every few months. The pain, the insecurity, the uncertainty, and the heartache are the same."

                  "They can include being disrespectful, discourteous, rude, condescending, patronizing, critical, judgmental, "joking" insults, lying, repeatedly "forgetting" promises and agreements, betrayal of trust, "setting you up", and "revising" history."

                  "She keeps hoping that if she does enough, if she gives enough, he will stop hurting her and the loving, caring side of him will prevail. Unfortunately, this is a fallacy that often keeps the woman in the relationship for far too long. Ask yourself: Do you have a drawer full of "apology" jewelry, or a closet full of "apology" clothes?"

                  No, but with the way you were treated, you should!!

                  "If an abuser can cause YOU to lose control, it proves how healthy HE is..."

                  "Abusers play the pushme-pull-you game threatening to withdraw their affections, dropping statements out of the blue intended to destabilize. This has the effect of making their partners insecure and uncertain, but that plays right into the abuser's hand as he then can accuse the partner of being "too needy". Ploys such as casually talking about how he's thinking of taking a job in another city are one such example of destabilizing talk."

                  He did this when he told you out of the blue that he was thinking of joining infantry. You guys were finally growing closer. & he knew he didn't really want to do that. What he said made you panic, and it changed the dynamic of the relationship. Something he does.. a LOT.

                  "Since abuse is really about control, the abuser knows he can have the upper hand in the relationship if he can keep her uncertain and insecure."

                  I don't know if he knew what he was doing, but he said a lot of unsavory things during those earlier months. He made you very uneasy and confused and when you'd tell him you needed to feel safe in the relationship, he'd never try. YET he never wanted you to leave either.

                  "Emotional abusers expect more from their partners than they are willing to put into a relationship. The problem is, no matter how much the partner gives, it will never be enough, and the abuser will expect more - because the relationship isn't about love for the abuser, it's about control."

                  "Emotional abusers expect their partners to change for them. Unfortunately, the changes the partner makes will never be enough - the abuser will always want more."

                  "Non-abusers who genuinely ACCIDENTALLY hurt a loved one's feelings, do not refuse to nurture those feelings - they help repair the emotional damage, and they don't repeatedly make the same "mistakes" over and over with their partners."

                  "If you question his about-face, he will accuse you of not allowing him the right to change his mind. While people legitimately DO change their minds about things, abusers will do it often, and without warning, with maximum rug-yanking effect for their partners."

                  "Emotional abusers often display different personalities to other people in their lives - watch for a completely changed demeanor, behavior, body language and even tone of voice, when they are at work, or with a circle of friends."

                  "Emotional abusers, like physical abusers, can be exceedingly charming -that's why it's so hard for the victim of abuse - their friends only see the charming side, and don't see the discourtesy, lies, meanness, condescension and rudeness that happens inside the relationship."

                  "Abusers are completely self-centered. They blame other people and seldom take responsibility for their own actions."

                  "Emotional abusers hate apologizing - and if they DO apologize, they will only do the same thing again."

                  "Abusers may, early in the relationship, in a moment of "opening up", tell you of their abusive or manipulative nature...In fact, what they are looking for is absolution in advance for behavior they will later inflict on you."


                  He told you he was selfish on your 4th date. You didn't understand why but I remember you told me you appreciated his honesty. Now you know why he told you.

                  "In order to gain sympathy, the abuser will share convincing stories of his burdens, including stories of how he was abused as a child, or how he witnessed his mother being assaulted by his father."

                  I remember he told you his father and step-dad were both physically abusive towards his mother. Although the situation has changed over the years, it's affected him negatively. In addition, the mental and physical trauma he had to go through during training could also be wearing on him as well. However, this is no excuse for him to treat you this way. To be frank, he was like this before he joined the Marines, insecure.

                  The inconvenience of this is you tend to do things from the full article's list of emotional abusive behavior as well. You didn't used to act like this. You're starting to mirror his behavior and it's unacceptable.

                  You asked him what was wrong with you. He said nothing, remember? He wasn't lying. He just can't love you the right way.

                  If you stay much longer, you both will drain each other until there's nothing left. If you love him, you have to let go. Let him find his path.
                  Last edited by Little; 08-08-2013, 09:33 AM.

                  Comment


                  • That's one heck of a reply to Claret - and one that I think you should re-read a few times. In fact, there are a couple of sentences I want to re-read a couple of times, given I am still yet to Divorce and some of that is scary
                    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                      That's one heck of a reply to Claret - and one that I think you should re-read a few times. In fact, there are a couple of sentences I want to re-read a couple of times, given I am still yet to Divorce and some of that is scary
                      Tell me about it lol xD I'd been thinking it might be emotional abuse and this morning, after doing a little research, suddenly everything's fallen into place! I'm still in shock that it was emotional abuse. I mean, I knew something wasn't right, because he used to randomly say some really thoughtless things (and I'd put him in his place for it), but I always blamed it on military stress.

                      I'm just really glad I know what it was now. B/c i was actually starting to blame myself.. often :X & I'm SO thankful that you bothered to read my writing at all. xD and of course for responding to my posts b/c if you didn't, I'd still be in that mess.

                      There was so much more I wanted to add to it xD but I didn't want to overdo it. I wish they hadn't taken down the link but if you type in "emotional abuse heartless" into google or bing, it'll come up saying "Emotional Abusers- Heartless B International." That piece of writing is really long lol but also full of interesting stuff.

                      Frankly, the idea of him being emotionally abusive is the only reason I haven't texted him today xD Everytime I start to miss him, I remind myself, I'd be going back to abuse. It's really hard though. :/ at least 5 times today i've been thinking about offering my friendship or at least sending tons of hugs his way. I feel bad for him now. ****sighs**** I just gotta stay strong for my farrrr in the future kids lol

                      Yes, lol it pays to be careful ^-^ ...but all in all, I'm sure you and your husband won't have trouble with these issues. You seem like the type who knows how to choose men wisely xD

                      Comment


                      • Actually.................................... It's a good idea to keep writing here. It gives you perspective as well as a place to come back to to re-read. In addition we wannnna know as time goes by how you are and where you are at.

                        Most Emotional Abusers also want control over a person. Both in their opinion is a must, in order to keep the person where they want them to be. They also as you have established do the blame game, in which case, you doubt yourself, become in-secure, even put weight on through depression, lose your friends and sometimes family and become isolated.

                        You only want happiness in your life remember that. If the person you are with is not making you happy and it's all work from your end with nothing in return, it's time to let that negative person leave your life ..

                        I have a wonderful fiancé he knew from get go what I would and wouldn't accept Best thing that has happened in my life, but first I had to realise my worth, love myself, understand people are who they are we can not change them, ensure that only positive people were in my life (this place is different, helping people is awesome), and from there it was really interesting, weeding out the wanna bees, liers, cheaters and sex only wanting males to the real ones that had something to share, give and consequently, me, giving and sharing back with them
                        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                          Actually.................................... It's a good idea to keep writing here. It gives you perspective as well as a place to come back to to re-read. In addition we wannnna know as time goes by how you are and where you are at.

                          Most Emotional Abusers also want control over a person. Both in their opinion is a must, in order to keep the person where they want them to be. They also as you have established do the blame game, in which case, you doubt yourself, become in-secure, even put weight on through depression, lose your friends and sometimes family and become isolated.

                          You only want happiness in your life remember that. If the person you are with is not making you happy and it's all work from your end with nothing in return, it's time to let that negative person leave your life ..

                          I have a wonderful fiancé he knew from get go what I would and wouldn't accept Best thing that has happened in my life, but first I had to realise my worth, love myself, understand people are who they are we can not change them, ensure that only positive people were in my life (this place is different, helping people is awesome), and from there it was really interesting, weeding out the wanna bees, liers, cheaters and sex only wanting males to the real ones that had something to share, give and consequently, me, giving and sharing back with them

                          Lol, I'll do my best to stay in touch. It'll definitely help me avoid relapsing, despite the fact that I already have v.v I spent all day watching movies and listening to music but 30 min before 12am, I couldn't fight texting him anymore :/ as friends though, no mention of getting back together, and he knows it. I even told him why.

                          That's what's weird! I mean, despite a VERY 2 time, short period when he tried to put words in my mouth, literally, he.. hasn't really been controlling. When I'd tell him I'm going out with friends, he'd be ok with it. I'd hang with my fam and be absorbed in video games, and he wouldn't be a jerk after. Yes, sometimes he made me feel bad about myself, but what's bugging me is I'm not even sure the things he'd say were on purpose. They were too... sudden to be thought out and malicious. I used to do that with my ex, accidentally say things that offended him. The difference is as soon as I realized I hurt him, I'd do my best to fix it. My offenses were never intentional (until my revenge period). I think I'm in denial or hoping it's not emotional abuse right now.

                          You're right. You're completely right, but it's killing me so much. When he's on base, 89% of the time he's the perfect boyfriend. I've realized that this will never go anywhere if things don't change. I know for a fact that I can't change him lol A romantic relationship with him would do more damage than good, but he's so easy to talk to. I feel like I'd be missing out by letting him go completely. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but the chemistry just isn't the same.

                          Lol, that's awesome. I want to be like that too... Tbh, I used to think I was, but apparently.. lmao anyways, I'm glad you were able to find the real ones. After this mistake, ****sighs**** Hopefully though after a few years, of getting to know myself, when i get back into dating, I'll be as saavy as you are ^-^ When's the wedding??

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                          • Pretty sure you will go backwards and forwards with this, it's normal. Maybe he's a "great" friend that you also had chemistry with, not relationship material for you anyway...

                            Time shall prevail.. He I imagine, will be very nice from here.. No one who abuses or controls likes to loose, remember that .

                            I do definitely think that experience serves us well, each "wrong" we try to ensure we don't do again, well we try

                            You are young, level headed, smart I have no doubt you'll work it all out the right way.

                            Wedding? Have to get Divorced first shhhhhh, long story We live together so we are married in our eyes but a year or two and we shall do it, after all I can't grow old gracefully, un-married
                            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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                            • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                              Pretty sure you will go backwards and forwards with this, it's normal.
                              You are awesome! I was scared you were gonna say something like my mom would. If she found out, she'd tell me I have low self-esteem. That I should be able to just walk away lol & my grandma would make excuses for him & say I'm being overdramatic, that what he does isn't abuse. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone about this >.> so thanks for being realistic & kind with me. Yeah, definitely not relationship material x3

                              ****nods**** thank you, I'll look out for that. Though between you and me, after all the crap, I'm kinda looking forward to some well deserved treatment. However, I will never give him the impression that we're getting back together no matter what he promises or sends me. After all of this, I know they'd only be lies.

                              Lol you're right, we sure do try. v.v

                              Thanks for your faith in me xD

                              Oooh :3 I understand now I'm glad you've found happiness, and I do love good stories.. especially long ones that end happily lol ..if ever you're willing

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