Hello,
I am new to the forum - forgive any faux pas I may commit. My apologies that this is so long. Here goes:
I have been on again/off again with the same partner for the last 2 years. We met online with the intention of making new friends, but I found myself very attracted to him the night we met and I was unusually assertive (I was trying something new) - we made out liberally & did everything but have actual intercourse because he did not want to do so. We are both in our late 20's, I work in a demanding, academic environment and he was between jobs when we met. I really enjoyed his personality & his intellect, but I had concerns regarding his alcohol & pot consumption and I did not feel comfortable approaching him about it so I let it go. I do not drink, smoke, and generally spend a lot of time by myself because large social gatherings make me quite nervous; conversely, he is very social, has many friends and enjoys large social gatherings. I did fall in love with him - he showed affection, he was incredibly kind, sweet, introduced me to his friends, and we were intellectually meshing quite well. There were several problems that we had throughout the course of our relationship: I was single for several years before meeting him and was not accustomed to having someone expect me to spend time with them, I am a self-admitted workaholic and hold a full time + part time + volunteer + dance + take courses in preparation for graduate school, my reluctance to spend the night with him, his substance use.
I am not a very aggressive person, so whenever we argued (always via text), I would explain why I was unhappy or upset, and he would call me vulgar names, accuse me of having moved on to someone else (conclusions he drew because the night we met I was so sexually assertive - he said that meant that I would sleep with anyone), accuse me of being cold, selfish, and pathetic for choosing to live with my parents to help them financially. This relationship has taken a toll on me emotionally. I am generally not of a very high self esteem, and because I am sober about 99% of the year, I remember everything that's been said to me. I am reluctant to be sexually open with him because I'm afraid it'll be interpreted as my being a "****" in another argument, I feel unsafe with him because he drank often and always ended up saying horrible things to me when we argued.
We broke up at the end of April 2013 after he confessed to me that he had unprotected sex with a stranger while we were split up and contracted an STI that he shared with me.
He was in a horrible accident 2 weeks later, consequence of scooter + no helmet + DUI. He was in a medically induced coma for over a month, inpatient at a rehabilitation hospital for traumatic brain injury, and was recently released home. I was in shock when I heard of his accident and, even though we were not together, I was still in love with him and I wanted to make sure he was ok. I visited him every day he was in the hospital & he woke up confused and aggressive. His doctors asked that we not upset him too much, so we (his family and I) let it go and didn't correct him too much. When he was more coherent he asked me to come by and was acting like we never broke up. I didn't want to upset him so I let it slide and was no more affectionate than I would be with a friend. He now wants us to resume our relationship and I don't know that I can do it. I am afraid of upsetting him given his current condition, but I don't think that it would be good for either one of us.
I am apprehensive about this prospect, and I fear that the anger I feel regarding his accident will come out, that I don't feel emotionally safe around him, will all come out and things will go bad very quickly.
I suppose I am asking where do I go from here?
I am new to the forum - forgive any faux pas I may commit. My apologies that this is so long. Here goes:
I have been on again/off again with the same partner for the last 2 years. We met online with the intention of making new friends, but I found myself very attracted to him the night we met and I was unusually assertive (I was trying something new) - we made out liberally & did everything but have actual intercourse because he did not want to do so. We are both in our late 20's, I work in a demanding, academic environment and he was between jobs when we met. I really enjoyed his personality & his intellect, but I had concerns regarding his alcohol & pot consumption and I did not feel comfortable approaching him about it so I let it go. I do not drink, smoke, and generally spend a lot of time by myself because large social gatherings make me quite nervous; conversely, he is very social, has many friends and enjoys large social gatherings. I did fall in love with him - he showed affection, he was incredibly kind, sweet, introduced me to his friends, and we were intellectually meshing quite well. There were several problems that we had throughout the course of our relationship: I was single for several years before meeting him and was not accustomed to having someone expect me to spend time with them, I am a self-admitted workaholic and hold a full time + part time + volunteer + dance + take courses in preparation for graduate school, my reluctance to spend the night with him, his substance use.
I am not a very aggressive person, so whenever we argued (always via text), I would explain why I was unhappy or upset, and he would call me vulgar names, accuse me of having moved on to someone else (conclusions he drew because the night we met I was so sexually assertive - he said that meant that I would sleep with anyone), accuse me of being cold, selfish, and pathetic for choosing to live with my parents to help them financially. This relationship has taken a toll on me emotionally. I am generally not of a very high self esteem, and because I am sober about 99% of the year, I remember everything that's been said to me. I am reluctant to be sexually open with him because I'm afraid it'll be interpreted as my being a "****" in another argument, I feel unsafe with him because he drank often and always ended up saying horrible things to me when we argued.
We broke up at the end of April 2013 after he confessed to me that he had unprotected sex with a stranger while we were split up and contracted an STI that he shared with me.
He was in a horrible accident 2 weeks later, consequence of scooter + no helmet + DUI. He was in a medically induced coma for over a month, inpatient at a rehabilitation hospital for traumatic brain injury, and was recently released home. I was in shock when I heard of his accident and, even though we were not together, I was still in love with him and I wanted to make sure he was ok. I visited him every day he was in the hospital & he woke up confused and aggressive. His doctors asked that we not upset him too much, so we (his family and I) let it go and didn't correct him too much. When he was more coherent he asked me to come by and was acting like we never broke up. I didn't want to upset him so I let it slide and was no more affectionate than I would be with a friend. He now wants us to resume our relationship and I don't know that I can do it. I am afraid of upsetting him given his current condition, but I don't think that it would be good for either one of us.
I am apprehensive about this prospect, and I fear that the anger I feel regarding his accident will come out, that I don't feel emotionally safe around him, will all come out and things will go bad very quickly.
I suppose I am asking where do I go from here?
Get The Newsletter
Comment