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30, single mom & still single, is it the same for you?

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  • 30, single mom & still single, is it the same for you?

    I'm sure there's other women that feel the same way as I am about to describe. Especially the single mom's (And of any age). I've never been in a long-term relationship (longest stable relationship was 10 months), never been engaged and don't think I've ever been truly in love. My son is 9, his father hasn't been apart of his life since he was 2 and I'm going to be 31 in several months and I feel like crap (I'm stressed, stomach aches, I'm tired, exhausted, moody). My hair is silver/grey (I dye it every 6 weeks to cover it up) I work full time and sometimes many hours of over time and have a hard time maintaining a personal life. I don't even have any girlfriends to talk to about this. I'm a loner single mother. But, For years I've thought that maybe there's something wrong with me. Men don't seem to be attracted to me, genuinely. They either leave me because they can't do it or they turn into a bad guy, so I leave them.

    I want a family for my son. It's always just been him and I (yeah we're a family, but I'm going to be honest and say that I admire seeing happy couples and their kids) and it's always just us.

    All I want for the remainder of my dating life is one good, honest man willing to be apart of our life and to love us as if we were a family. Why does it seem that, that is so difficult to have?

    I'm tired of meeting men and it going nowhere. I'm tired of hitting this peak that I can't climb over. I'm tired of wasting my time on men. Apart of me feels like just being single for years and years.

    Hell, I'd probably accept if a man genuinely told me he loved me but couldn't be with me. That's one thing in life i've never experienced; what it feels like to be loved by a man and neither has my son; I think we both deserve that.

    we live in the conservative state of utah where everyone is married and has several kids; my son see's that and it gets him down. Then it gets me down. And thus, I end up typing stuff like this.......

    I wish there were an off switch on my heart.

  • As a single mom who works long hours, you have a somewhat limited field. A guy has to feel comfortable you will make enough time for him and you will be willing to work on making everything fit together. Or of course, he could be a scoundrel just getting what he can get while he can get it. It sounds like you have had some experience with the latter.

    I think that somewhere in the process you are scaring off the best prospects for what you want out of a relationship.

    Some could observe that you may be willing to give scoundrels a chance. Some guys will consider this a bad sign. Scoundrels can be charming to women, but they can make terrible exes and some guys don't want that anywhere in their relationships.

    Others may be being scared off because you may be a little bit too much up front on what you want out of the relationship. There is a proper place and time for everything. Bringing up that you are looking for a dad (stepfather) for your son should wait until some bonding takes place, first with you and then with your son. Your son will have his own ideas and may try to play you off against anybody you marry. Guys know this and have to bond to some degree before taking on that role.

    Good luck on your search and journey. There is the right guy for you out there, but the search may take some time because of limitations on how many guys will be willing to get involved in such a relationship.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • I agree with jns.

      I have had 2 men tell me that my schedule is the main reason they don't want to continue dating me. These were good guys that I remain friends with.
      I work a non traditional schedule and that's enuf to turn them away. Maybe they aren't really that excited about the relationship anyway but they both say I'm just too difficult to date, get to know and build a relationship when I'm always working when they're off, etc...but here we are as friends.

      So, I think we just have to be more diligent in our searching. There are few men who want a relationship that seems to be a lot of work from the start. I wouldn't either honestly! But there are good guys out there who will find enough value in our company that the few perceived drawbacks will be worth their effort.

      Hang in there. You're still young. Be that kind of woman that a good man will wanna be with and he will.


      • This is very interesting as my male cousin just told me something very similar. He's an entrepreneur. He has multiple things that he does to make money. (One of them is a mobile barber shop. Best barber I've ever had). He doesn't work 9-5 hours. That's the way he likes it - partly because it gives him freedom to spend time with his daughter. He's divorced, was in a long term relationship for years that didn't work out, and is now in another serious relationship.

        The problem he's having is that the new lady wants him to work "normal" hours and is very demanding of his time. He just told me a few days ago that he doesn't know if he's relationship material. He tells women up front how he works and they seem cool with it, but once the relationship progresses they want to change him. He wants to be in a committed, monogamous relationship, but is jaded. He likes his lady - loves her even - but wishes she would find someone else so he doesn't have to hurt her feelings. He even told me he'd like to continue the relationship if she dated other people.

        My cousin would be happy with a less needy woman who'd be happy with what little time they spend together. I think that there are a lot of people like that. My guess is that there'd be more men than women. I just don't know how you'd find them. They're definitely out there though.
        "Those sowing seed with tears
        Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126


        • mom2LJ,

          My heart goes out to your son and you. I wish you guys the absolute best If I knew the right answer to your question of finding a decent & honorable man, I'd write it for you. But I don't.



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