[18-Going-On-Broken]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months, and he is truly an incredible man.We've had our ups and downs, but I honestly think we met for a reason...
So last week he sat me down and told me that he has an addiction to porn..He told me its not because he doesn't find me attractive, or that I'm not good enough..He found a sight online for people trying to overcome porn addiction, and he joined.He even gave me his phone to set a password for a safe-browser so he couldn't look at anything dirty. I forgave him and told him that we could get through this..Tomorrow would have been his 7 day mark with no porn or masturbation..But today at work, dirty stuff popped up on his computer and he gave in..I literally didn't know what to say to him.I feel so horrible, I feel like I need to cry but I can't even cry.I feel like I'm NOT good enough.Not pretty enough.Don't have big enough boobs.A nice enough butt.I don't know..Im so depressed.I feel like I've been cheated on.How can he look at NAKED pictures of OTHER girls and that turns him on?He might as well just go have sex with other girls..That's what I feel like.

If you have any advise, please help me.At least give me an idea of how I'm supposed to feel right now.i had a bf cheat in me before and I broke up with him on the spot.But this guy hasn't PHYSICALLY cheated on me.It just feels like he has..

[Pollon]

Addition to porn is very much like other addictions. It is self-medication against unpleasant feelings. Those feelings can be as serious as depression and as minor as boredom.

Given the nature of the chosen medication, however, it is obviously difficult for the romantic partner not to take it personally and/or to have a very gut wrenching reaction--including revulsion.

While he is serious that it's not about his attraction or love for you, it does affect it just as an addition to drugs or alcohol would.

The question for you is, whether or not you want to continue a relationship with an addict? If he came to you and told you he was addicted to cocaine how would you respond?

[PhrendlyPhil]

Rest assured his fascination with porn has nothing to do with your beauty or personality. Men have been fascinated with porn since the first drawings went up on the cave wall (open up any archaeology book and you'll find a variety of sex gods/objects). You could look exactly like the girls in the porn scenes and do exactly what they do and he would still watch porn. The truth is men are hardwired to seek variety. Porn makes this easy for men without physically cheating on their lover. Of course if this is upsetting to you, you'll have to try and ween him off it (which means you'll have to watch it with him for a while, mimic some blow jobs and hand jobs from the scenes and then slowly coax him back to your vagina without porn). If you really do find him incredible then you should at least try and help him.

[rcoreyus]

He realizes that he is addicted which is a good sign. If he really is incredible, then it might be worth waiting to see if he can fix this. Has he tried seeing an actual therapist?

His interest / addiction to porn has nothing to do with you or any thing you are or are not doing. If he has gone 7 days without porn, he isn't in too bad shape.

btw, it is reasonable to ask him to now watch porn, but not to stop masturbating - unless you are always willing to satisfy him. The great majority of men, (and most women) masturbate regularly if their partners are not available.

[BigTitPsycho]

Dear 18 Going On Broken,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. I can understand what you are going through since I am facing a similar situation.

I'm not too sure if I have any great advice here, but for what its worth I can tell you this....

This is in no way, shape or form about you or your looks. I know that it can be difficult at times, but you should never let anyone put you down about your looks. Every woman is beautiful in their own way, you just need to find the right person to appreciate that beauty.

I am in the adult industry. I have modeled for magazines and sell webcam shows, and let me tell you, the grass is not greener on the other side. I consider myself attractive, have large breasts, am supposed to be one of these "fantasy women", yet my boyfriend masturbates more than he has sex with me. (Some great fantasy I am!) I am beginning to find this job ironic and completely hysterical. I have recently posted on this forum myself. My post can be found here, in case you want to compare or maybe have a laugh https://www.womens-health.com/boards...-initiate.html

There are some good signs here. The most important one being that he is very open and honest with you about this. He is including you in the process, admitting that he has a problem and making some sort of effort to change.

Also, once every 7 days doesn't sound that bad. I believe that occassional masturbation is healthy. You can't stop him from masturbating to porn forever, but you should always come first. It sounds to me like that is what he is trying to do, put you first. My boyfriend is going insane and jacking off all over the place, so believe me, you are doing better than an actual pornstar. True story.

The most important thing is that you put yourself first. Your happiness should come first. I am reaching the point with my boyfriend where I was happier and feeling better about myself when I was alone. I have had the last serious talk with him about this. If something doesn't change in 2 weeks, I am out.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel good about yourself. You deserve to be with someone that makes you feel like YOU are their fantasy woman. Like YOU are the most beautiful and special woman in the world. I wish you the best of luck.

[18-Going-On-Broken]

He has had a problem with drugs in the past but we got through that and he has now completely stopped.I do want to continue this relationship-addiction or not.He's trying to change, for himself and for me so that we can be together without having HUGE underlying issues in the future.And I'm proud of him for that.

[18-Going-On-Broken]

I am trying to help him also..I know it's worth it to go through this together, it was worth it when he got over the drugs and it'll be worth it after this.No, he hasn't seen a therapist.He doesn't want to masturbate bc he "can't do one without it leading to the other".
As for me copying porn..Firstly, I am not going to change the way we have sex to recreate something I'm not.The way we have sex right now is crazy, and it's US.We have sex 3 or 4 times a week (not counting the days we do it more than once) and we are pretty kinky..So it's not like he's not getting any, if you know what I mean.

In the short time we have been together we have been through a lot..
I have a really painful disease and he has been my support through it all, even when we thought I might not be able to have kids..He had been doing drugs, got caught and now is completely clean, and I supported him through that.
My grandma is dying and he keeps on supporting me through it.

He is so worth it..And I'm going to be here every step of the way for him.Thank you guys <3

[18-Going-On-Broken]

Also..

We may be kinky but not 24/7..We usually have crazy sex and then when he orgasms we stop and cuddle..Then we have sex again, but intimately..He holds me, we wrap our arms around each other, he even puts his hands under my head when he's on top.We tell each other we love each other and he tells me I'm beautiful..We have the sweetest sex ever..He makes me so happy..

I guess I'm just wondering what is lacking in the sex department...

[Obelisk]

Why can't I get a girl like you? lmao

As a guy I can't wrap my mind around the porn thing. I've used it practically throughout all my 20's. Once I was actually with a real live woman who was enjoying it with me I didn't need it again.

I'm not currently sexually active anymore, but even now my desire for porn grew even less than it used to be.

I don't think men prefer porn over real women because the porn women are "hotter". Sure most porn stars are "hot" by textbook definition, but I think most men agree that the feeling of artificiality in most porn starts is off putting. It doesn't look normal for women to have huge lips, massive knockers that point straight up no matter what position the woman is in, and a butt that looks like it's made out of DuPont Kevlar, or some other polymer composite, that looks like it has no bend to it.

I think what hooks men is certain "queues" of what happens in porn. For me in particular, almost all porn is dreadfully boring and formulaic to me, but some of that amateurish stuff where women are using vibes on their clits is a trigger for me. The woman could be any race, colour, or shape, and I will still be aroused by those specific scenes.

I know other men have their own "queues" that trigger arousal for them. Ask your guy and find out what it is for him.

BTW there's whole sites dedicated to "no porn no fapping" on the web, men that are sick and tired of not being able to enjoy sex with their women. Your man should really look into those.

[18-Going-On-Broken]

Haha well..We started out as best friends, then friends with benefits and then fell for each other, and now were in an amazing relationship..We didn't even want a relationship when this started out.So it's been pretty nice

See I can't even bring myself to ask his "queues" though..I already have a hard enough time knowing he's looking at this stuff, WITHOUT knowing details.

He is on one, that's how this all got brought out in the open.Thank you!