18 going on broken.. I understand how you feel.
It gets a bit easier with time. I have had the same issue. And every word you wrote is exactly how i felt when i found out about my bf's problem. The thing is i never found out my bf was obsessed with it until 2 YEARS later! A typo i did in the internet browser showed me porn sites, which eventually he confessed. It wasn't easy. I wouldn't let him near me, almost broke up with him,... and he is literally my best friend, we are closer then close. I never dealt with this issue before him and i was torn. The next day i searched his history whilst at work (i trusted him so much i never ever looked)..he had been looking at porn almost every single day we had been dating!! ....The worst was finding out that the day i got dressed up ready to see him when he came back after his tour (music) he picked me up, took me to his and said he needed the loo. He normally takes his laptop with him anyway..but he confessed to me that day i found his porn that on that day he came home whilst i was sat in the front room waiting for him to finish on the loo he was actually masturbating to one of his favourite porn stars!! I WAS SO ANGRY.. I HATED HIM FOR IT!!...
(We had only recently began to get more sexually adventerous and just got into porn a little now and then...and then i found out he had been doing it ALL the time i had been with him without me knowing, it felt like he cheated me into watching it so he can get the pleasure too without the guilt or the worry that i would hate him for it or something...)
For a whole year i struggled with forgiving him. I banned him from porn for 2 weeks, in which he didnt break, he had actually cried saying he didnt want to lose me. (Surprising to be honest, when my bf is deffo not the emotional type). In the end i was stuck between shall i let him watch it because he needs a life of his own outside of the relationship, or shall i make him stop to save our relationship, should i let him watch it because "thats what men do" or shall i just split up with him because it is easier....
This couldnt of come at a worser time as weeks later my dad had a heart attack. he survived but it half put things into perspective but also half made me want to not take any messing around.
In the first few months, he pretty much stopped looking at it, or was very good at deleting history. tbh i didnt care to much as i was more concerned about dad. Eventually after a lot of depression, worry, low self-esteem etc we came to some ground rules.
first of all, he could look at it but not when i am around, if he is talking to me online, or ringing me. We needed to build trust again. I first asked him to delete his internet history so i wont go on it and get hurt, but eventually i asked him to keep it up, i wanted to half keep track of what he was doing (well, did say he had a porn addiction...not sure what truth is in that but he had promised to cut down). Eventually when he was out of the house i began to look at porn, tried to get an understanding of it all, and i could see what he saw but i still found it disrespecting. After half of a year struggling with it i managed to pluck up the courage to watch porn with him again. At first i kept picking at every porn girl that came on, comparing myself to them, well im a 13st, 5ft5 girl with tubby legs and a bit of tum/... i felt horrible compared to her. But i braced myself through it. After a few more times watching porn with him, i found myself getting turned on... we had great sex..surprisingly!... the thing is is when im not horny etc i am sickened by porn, i cant look at it but when its in the heat of the moment with the one you love it can become surprisingly passionate and racy.
I wanted to feel and make things more better in our relationship sexually, i got competitive with the girls on the screen... i took a leap and brought a vibrator, and god thats accelerated our sex life... i learnt more about me and my body, we used it whilst having sex and both of us was turned on. The reason i brought was to show my boyfriend i could be "sexy" or "better then them".. and he loves it.
Of course it doesnt mean we don't have flare ups and arguing. only a few days ago we argued.
The last few days we talked about it in depth after i had a meltdown.
These are our rules we stick by:
**Don't watch porn when your communicating with your girlfriend in anyway eg online or behind her back when you are in the same building, its disrespectful
**The BF can watch porn but no more then two days a week, the days must not be in a row (makes GF feel replaced)
**Can watch porn together if both of you are up to it
**NEVER watch porn after an arguement, especially when you both haven't made up after it, as it feels like either one of you is doing it out of spite
**No porn themed wallpapers/screensavers/mobile phone apps etc. This is something we havent had a problem with but by us not having these has made it easier for both of us
These rules may help you if you want to follow them.
I know you will feel self-conscious, low self-esteem, worried... its all part of the process, BUT think about it... YOUR boyfriend will not still be with you if he wanted something else, if he didn't love you.
You can come out of this as tough as nails. You don't need to break up over something thats just an image or video, someone you don't know. I am proof you can go through a rough time in your life not knowing if you will be okay at the end of it and still be standing, still be together..my proof is that me and my boyfriend are reaching our 4th year together and still more in love then ever. Just be open about things, its hard, its embarassing, a lil awkward and frustrating..and maybe after one talk it may not be solved..but after many little talks that you two do together you will finally begin to understand each others feelings and opinions, have mutual respect and be able to stick to rules and learn from mistakes and problems... YOU guys will be stronger then ever!! I promise!!
I hope this helps, and sorry it's long.
P.S investigate sex toys too if you haven't already, i may of been a bit of a prude, was a bit embarassed, but trust me it can spice things up so much it even takes worries away haha
It gets a bit easier with time. I have had the same issue. And every word you wrote is exactly how i felt when i found out about my bf's problem. The thing is i never found out my bf was obsessed with it until 2 YEARS later! A typo i did in the internet browser showed me porn sites, which eventually he confessed. It wasn't easy. I wouldn't let him near me, almost broke up with him,... and he is literally my best friend, we are closer then close. I never dealt with this issue before him and i was torn. The next day i searched his history whilst at work (i trusted him so much i never ever looked)..he had been looking at porn almost every single day we had been dating!! ....The worst was finding out that the day i got dressed up ready to see him when he came back after his tour (music) he picked me up, took me to his and said he needed the loo. He normally takes his laptop with him anyway..but he confessed to me that day i found his porn that on that day he came home whilst i was sat in the front room waiting for him to finish on the loo he was actually masturbating to one of his favourite porn stars!! I WAS SO ANGRY.. I HATED HIM FOR IT!!...
(We had only recently began to get more sexually adventerous and just got into porn a little now and then...and then i found out he had been doing it ALL the time i had been with him without me knowing, it felt like he cheated me into watching it so he can get the pleasure too without the guilt or the worry that i would hate him for it or something...)
For a whole year i struggled with forgiving him. I banned him from porn for 2 weeks, in which he didnt break, he had actually cried saying he didnt want to lose me. (Surprising to be honest, when my bf is deffo not the emotional type). In the end i was stuck between shall i let him watch it because he needs a life of his own outside of the relationship, or shall i make him stop to save our relationship, should i let him watch it because "thats what men do" or shall i just split up with him because it is easier....
This couldnt of come at a worser time as weeks later my dad had a heart attack. he survived but it half put things into perspective but also half made me want to not take any messing around.
In the first few months, he pretty much stopped looking at it, or was very good at deleting history. tbh i didnt care to much as i was more concerned about dad. Eventually after a lot of depression, worry, low self-esteem etc we came to some ground rules.
first of all, he could look at it but not when i am around, if he is talking to me online, or ringing me. We needed to build trust again. I first asked him to delete his internet history so i wont go on it and get hurt, but eventually i asked him to keep it up, i wanted to half keep track of what he was doing (well, did say he had a porn addiction...not sure what truth is in that but he had promised to cut down). Eventually when he was out of the house i began to look at porn, tried to get an understanding of it all, and i could see what he saw but i still found it disrespecting. After half of a year struggling with it i managed to pluck up the courage to watch porn with him again. At first i kept picking at every porn girl that came on, comparing myself to them, well im a 13st, 5ft5 girl with tubby legs and a bit of tum/... i felt horrible compared to her. But i braced myself through it. After a few more times watching porn with him, i found myself getting turned on... we had great sex..surprisingly!... the thing is is when im not horny etc i am sickened by porn, i cant look at it but when its in the heat of the moment with the one you love it can become surprisingly passionate and racy.
I wanted to feel and make things more better in our relationship sexually, i got competitive with the girls on the screen... i took a leap and brought a vibrator, and god thats accelerated our sex life... i learnt more about me and my body, we used it whilst having sex and both of us was turned on. The reason i brought was to show my boyfriend i could be "sexy" or "better then them".. and he loves it.
Of course it doesnt mean we don't have flare ups and arguing. only a few days ago we argued.
The last few days we talked about it in depth after i had a meltdown.
These are our rules we stick by:
**Don't watch porn when your communicating with your girlfriend in anyway eg online or behind her back when you are in the same building, its disrespectful
**The BF can watch porn but no more then two days a week, the days must not be in a row (makes GF feel replaced)
**Can watch porn together if both of you are up to it
**NEVER watch porn after an arguement, especially when you both haven't made up after it, as it feels like either one of you is doing it out of spite
**No porn themed wallpapers/screensavers/mobile phone apps etc. This is something we havent had a problem with but by us not having these has made it easier for both of us
These rules may help you if you want to follow them.
I know you will feel self-conscious, low self-esteem, worried... its all part of the process, BUT think about it... YOUR boyfriend will not still be with you if he wanted something else, if he didn't love you.
You can come out of this as tough as nails. You don't need to break up over something thats just an image or video, someone you don't know. I am proof you can go through a rough time in your life not knowing if you will be okay at the end of it and still be standing, still be together..my proof is that me and my boyfriend are reaching our 4th year together and still more in love then ever. Just be open about things, its hard, its embarassing, a lil awkward and frustrating..and maybe after one talk it may not be solved..but after many little talks that you two do together you will finally begin to understand each others feelings and opinions, have mutual respect and be able to stick to rules and learn from mistakes and problems... YOU guys will be stronger then ever!! I promise!!
I hope this helps, and sorry it's long.
P.S investigate sex toys too if you haven't already, i may of been a bit of a prude, was a bit embarassed, but trust me it can spice things up so much it even takes worries away haha
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