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Texting other girls behind my back

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  • Texting other girls behind my back

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years now, we first started dating and I knew about him talking to girls and hanging out with them, I was ok with it, he said they were just friends. That was fine, I had guy friends that I talked to and hung out with. It didn't mean anything, we were just friends...it was the same with him, I trusted him. after a few months he told me that he didn't want me texting guys anymore. Of course I understood and stopped, but told him that I wanted him to stop texting girls as it was only fair. About a year after we started dating he was hanging out with these two girls quite a bit. One of them I had heard many not nice things about, which of course had me worried that my boyfriend was hanging out with her. I would be with him and these two girls would be texting him to hang out. One of the texts said "hey whats up " being a girl I know that the winky face is almost always flirty. I confronted him about it too, told him that I had a bad feeling about it and told him I was pretty sure this one girl was interested in him. He blew it off saying she was just a friend bla bla bla. I couldnt do anything to stop him from hanging out with these girls. I lived 45 minutes away, I was with him whenever i could be but there were a few times he blew me off to hang out with them. He eventually told me that the one girl admitted to liking him and wanted him to leave me for her, he said he told her they were just friends that he loved me and so on. He even stopped talking to them for a while. Just recently he started texting those two as well as a few other girls. He straight up lies about it but I always catch him. He then pulls, "you don't let me have any friends" or " it's not like i'm cheating on you" but yet if I were to do those things, he would FREAK. I don't think its fair, especially that he's hiding it and lieing. He says he only hides it cause he knows I'll be ****ed if I know. I have good reason to not want him texting these girls as well. Each and everyone of the girls he talks to has tried to cause problems in our relationship. I've tried so many times talking to him, it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. What do I do?

  • Your boyfriend doesn't respect or value your relationship enough to protect it from either outside interference or eroded trust. He wants his flirty fun ego boost more than he wants to demonstrate any commitment to you.

    It's been two years. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? If not, how much more time do you want to continue dating him when you could be out finding someone to spend the rest of your life with?


    • Have to agree with Pollon.

      There is a sense of ownership going on here. He knows 100% he is safe with you, you aren’t going anywhere, yet, he feels he can do what ever he wants “as long as he doesn’t cheat”. Whilst it sounds as if he’s communicating with you by admitting that one girl asked him to leave you for her, it also sounds as if he is reinforcing your love for him, in an attempt to make you feel in-secure, jealous thereby the ownership is stronger.

      A lot of guys (young) are like this, it’s how they think. And, unfortunately some do cheat as well, too much temptation. A lot don’t want to settle down yet, yet, they want the woman they choose to be there and be faithful and maybe marry her later.
      A respectful guy just isn’t interested in continuing with at least the flirty side of life.

      I’d reverse the roll a little, let him see that “wait, other guys like my lady”, in order not to lose her, I’ll quit it. Stand tall a little, talk doesn’t do anything if they don’t want to listen.


      • Hi Booboo

        Where do I begin? Woo! Well firstly... I have been in this exact position! I was in it for 3 years, and sadly, I was married to the guy! Let me say to you, if he isn't getting it now... it will not change. He doesn't see what the problem is and coming from a girl who fought and fought this problem for years... he won't get it until you're gone... if even that will work!

        The problem isn't him having friends, like he is trying to throw at you... It's the fact that these girls are making you uncomfortable, and for good reason. He chose to be in a relationship with you, and I hate to break it to him... but with relationships comes sacrifices. There should be no argument over something like this and he definitely shouldn't be going behind your back or lying about it. There is no trust there... there is no contentment...

        My (now) ex-husband and I went over and over with this. Funny thing is... he picked up and left me for one of the girls, moved across the country to go be with her and she actually destroyed his credit and his life. He got himself into a REAL bind for being so stupid. But you know, she was just a friend. This happened with another girl he was talking to during our marriage shortly after the first one. He hasn't learned. It's been over 2 years since this all happened, and he realizes how bad he screwed up, and it's too late... like I told him it would be.

        I'm not saying your boyfriend is just like my ex husband... but this situation generally goes the same direction in some ways or another, it doesn't stop and trust dissolves more and more as time goes on until ultimately; two people are torn apart.

        He has a problem with attention and it's obvious to me. Most guys don't need other girls to talk to, and certainly don't need to go to desperate lengths to keep in contact with those girls... that is red flag.

        The guy I am with now, had a female friend before he met me... one he used to like a few years back. She is really cute and the little sister of one of his good friends. When we started dating/getting to know each other, he lost touch with her; when he did talk to her, he expressed how happy he was that he met a girl like me and she expressed her happiness for him and backed off entirely. Because she got the picture that he's not available to be her hero anymore or her go-to guy for attention. I never once had an argument over this or even had to explain it. Never had to even bring it up. She never caused problems or tried to. They haven't spoke since him and I started getting serious, and it was rare they did before him and I started seeing each other. When we would run into her, she was always friendly with me and not any friendlier with him... It was an equal "hey hows it going!" ordeal

        Another boyfriend in the past, only talked to these two girls if he needed help with our relationship or they needed help with theirs. Generally they talked about their hobbies like sports and cars (yes, these girls liked the same things) and it was strictly that. They were good friends to him and took the time to get to know me and include me. Rarely ever hanging out with him without me, often when that happened; it was me having to work and couldn't go along. It wasn't one sided with them just talking to him and seeing him. They weren't sleazy and didn't go after him, they had plenty of time before me to do that... and still to this day, I don't believe any of them hooked up. So he was also honest and so were they, they were just friends!

        I am a fairly jealous person, and I overreact a lot and think worst case scenario.... but neither did my last boyfriend or my current boyfriend made/make me worry. It was never a concern and no red flags ever came up for me. So far, so good! My ex husband on the other hand... made me feel like something wasn't right, most of the time. I didn't feel good or even okay about his contact with these girls. He went to desperate measures to hide his communication with them... and when I found out, it wasn't pretty. It landed us in therapy... which ended up being useless because it continued. Often him running me down to them (which is NOT okay to do to your significant other at any time), flirted, gave them hopes of a future relationship... It was nasty.

        I suggest you start really thinking this through... His job in your relationship, is to make you comfortable and at ease. Just like its your job to do the same for him... making someone uneasy over another person's selfish needs/wants (like attention from other women) is uncalled for. Is the relationship really that great to keep dealing with this? If you ask me... no. I would be gone by now. BUT only because I went through h3LL in the past with this, and I'm heartless when it comes to giving people 2nd chances when it comes to this topic... its non-excusable to me.

        He has to respect you, and he isn't at all. He is more worried about his needs than yours... and something like that needs to be equal. So if it were me in this again, I wouldn't argue anymore. Tell him to do what he wants and talk to what he wants; and tell him you hope it was worth losing his girlfriend over. And actually mean it, girl... stand up for yourself... there IS other guys out there, trust me! I told my boyfriend now from the beginning that I will not tolerate it. He knows that very well. He doesn't test it and I think that's mostly because he doesn't NEED anyone else. He truly does love and respect me. i truly love and respect him.

        I hope you gain some confidence from this... message me if you need some more support or want to go further in depth... I have no problem helping you out.
        { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }


        • How do i thank Lord Kakabu for his help? Lord Kakabu is a God on earth in human form. My boyfriend left me for another girl and since he left i have been heart broken and was living a painful and sorrowful life, i did all i could to get him back but he refuse and told me to move on because he was tired our relationship and also he has found someone else, i tried to move on without him but because of the love i have for him i could not. So one day my friend came to my house and told me how Lord Kakabu helped her get her fiance back so immediately contact Lord Kakabu via email and he told me that he will help me and my boyfriend will come begging me within 12 to 16 hours. I did all he told me and to my greatest surprise few hours later my boyfriend came back to me, fall on his knees crying and begging me for my forgiveness which i did. Are you having any problem with your lover or need any kind of help??? hurry now and contact Lord Kakabu via email:
          Last edited by jns; 01-12-2018, 10:28 PM. Reason: Outbound links are not allowed.


          • What did you do in the end, booboo? I hope you kicked your boyfriend to the curb. The fact is, you deserve respect in a relationship. If you're feeling jealous, there must be a good reason. I doubt you're an unreasonable person who just gets insecure. I do hope you stood up for yourself: because you deserve the best in life and respect from any partner. Anyhow, if you're reading this booboo, could you please update us.



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