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I can't find a guy that doesn't lose interest

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  • I can't find a guy that doesn't lose interest

    Last week I met a nice guy on a bus I was travelling. We had seats next to each other. The last 2 hours of the trip, we talked non stop and laughed. When I arrived at my destination,he asked for my phone number. After that, we talked a little on whatsapp and he told me that he liked my honesty and my education. He said he likes to have people like me as his entourage. He kept asking me to visit his city, because I've never been there.
    And then, the next day, he just opened whatsapp, but didn't say anything to me. I told him a joke but he didn't reply. Today, he told me that he is busy and that we'll talk later. Really ??? Every guy says that
    Before him, I had a great time with another guy at a date. He then told me that I am a nice person to hang out etc etc. But after that, he came with the same excuse.

    I just don't understand... how can you have a great time with a girl, tell her she's great, even invite her to your city, but then, just say nothing at all.... It's like they are being abducted by aliens. I'm not clingy or needy towards them and yet, they lose interest... can anyone help? From your experience, what is this all about?

  • Sweets,
    Sometimes,these kind of encounters are just that " Encounters ".
    A Way to pass the time in a pleasant way. It sounds like you had a great time chatting with him and he you .

    What does concern me is
    He said he likes to have people like me as his entourage.
    To me... that was a polite way to say " Hey, Great Chatting with you,your are smart and friendly and honest, whats your # and if you ever come to my town, Call me or lets hang a few ".

    But the word Entourage, means you could be in his " Group of Friends, Followers, Staff ". So it seems he was not saying " Be my Main Girl or Lets get to know each other better."
    I think he was complimenting you and also being " Polite ".
    I don't know whatsapp is . Maybe a Messenger or FB type text thing?

    But at least he asked for your # and you gave it and you can chat on the Whatsapp. When you did try to Chat, he either didn't reply at all or said he was busy.
    This shows that he liked you and your Company on the "bus", so you have some very positive things about you that people seem to like

    When you say this happens like ( Really ??? Every guy says that,They are abducted by Aliens )
    Maybe try being yourself, but holding back some Info. In those hours of talk .
    Make it Intriguing,for then to want to get to know YOU better.
    You are already, Honest and Smart and evidently great at Conversations.

    And you found WH here

    I met my Husband on a Train. And we had 2 days of Chat's,it was a 3 day cross country train ride .
    Switched phone #'s and Emails ( Didn't have Cell's and such back then ).
    Married almost 10 years ago. Widowed now.
    But sometimes you can find that " One Man " that wants to get to Know and Keep you ".

    There is more than One possible Mate out there.
    Seems we need to do some Fishing and Nibble a few " Worms/ Flakes " First .
    Don't give up..

    Hope this is seen by you. Not sure if it can be. I had some Computer thing that had a Shadowban on it .
    Then the site had extreme issues after that and I haven't been around for 5 months or so. No Worry's
    It was a little problem that hopefully is fixed.


    • It sounds to me as if you may continue the conversations after the initial (great, to chat with), more so reserved and as a friend and therefore, there is no chemistry between you.

      You are looking for a relationship, “when it comes” and a guy first off looks for chemistry and eventually bonds with a woman and starts to fall for her, so you have to give them something to keep them interested in wanting to get to know you more, a bit of flirting, something, showing an interest other than friendship.

      Be aware that, that chemistry spark doesn’t happen to everyone you meet, and that it shouldn’t be acted on necessarily either immediately, as then it’s like the cat that got the cream So that doesn’t help you either.
      Be assertive..


      • I used to have this more than not when I was dating. I think there is something's that throw people off and they don't want to hurt you by not telling you why. I've been one to slowly back off from guys for this reason too, it just gets weird being friends with someone when they are taking your friendliness as you liking them... So it's easier to just cut them off and hope they get the idea that it's just not there
        { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }


        • Orsba, having seats next to each other is a great way to get into a conversation and to joke back and forth. He getting your phone number and calling you to talk was to showing interest. Such actions are pretty normal for a guy. Guys are almost encouraged to get phone numbers by peer pressure. The remark about the entourage and trying to get you to visit his city and presumable him sounds like he was trying to get an upper hand in a relationship, where you made the first real move toward him. The way I see it, if he was really interested in you, he would have then asked if he could come visit you in your city.

          I don't think he lost interest in itself. I think he was interested in a different sort of relationship than you were. Don't worry about it too much. Keep going forward. Sooner or later you will find a guy who interests you who will jump in with both feet. You cannot or should not manufacture a relationship. It should come natural.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


          • Originally posted by happygolucky90 View Post
            I used to have this more than not when I was dating. I think there is something's that throw people off and they don't want to hurt you by not telling you why. I've been one to slowly back off from guys for this reason too, it just gets weird being friends with someone when they are taking your friendliness as you liking them... So it's easier to just cut them off and hope they get the idea that it's just not there
            I usually take a different tack, and that's to just be up front about it. The advantage to that IMO is that, being as the guy is going to be a bit unmanned by your turning him down anyway, you can reverse that effect by actually treating him like a man by telling him the truth. I think people are generally not dumb, but for some reason we (especially women it seems to me) tend to think that guys are very dumb ...after we've decided we're not interested in them. That's just not the case, and I think it can be very hurtful to them to have to endure not being treated like an adult who can handle the truth, on top of getting turned down.

            As to the OP's story, that guy just sounds like he was being a player to me, probably hoping for a quick score. I sympathize, but no big loss if that's the case. Go find another one.
            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]


            • I'm interested in your age and if you're reentering the dating scene. I am 41, dating again and it is this way for me also. I noticed this at first and also behaved this way in the beginning, but changed rather quickly.
              It seems to me that folks feel no sense of obligation to be honest or follow thru when there's no real commitment or even a relationship. I'll admit I felt that way at first. For me, being dishonest and treating people with no dignity, whether I feel they deserve it or not, was degrading my own self respect-i didn't feel good about ditching or leaving someone hanging.

              Unfortunately most folks are not this way. I have been treated very poorly by a lot of men. It's discouraging and wears down your nerves not to mention confidence.
              Bottom line: do what is right in your own mind regardless what they do, and forget the losers. You're the one who has to be at peace with yourself, so keep your conscience clear.

              Also, don't have too many high expectations early on. If you meet someone and like them, just keep your emotions and imagination in check until they've proven themselves.

              So many of my friends meet a guy and after a date or 2, start having ideas of how their life would mesh with theirs...way too soon for that! Not implying you do that, but I'm suggesting that we sometimes get our perspective out of time with the relationship that's existing...

              So yes, is the answer to your question. I have had only one man be honest with me about not feeling we would match romantically, and it was a mutual feeling so we've been able to maintain a friendship out of the meeting. One man out of dozens (it seems) of others...


              • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                It seems to me that folks feel no sense of obligation to be honest or follow thru when there's no real commitment or even a relationship.
                I totally agree with what atskitty said here. I am a frequent user of online dating sites and have not only had this happen to me while talking to them on the site, but even after weeks of talking to a man in person (after dates and even sex). I will even admit I have done this to a couple of guys before. Speaking for myself, I lose interest or find something out about them that I don't like (maybe he smokes weed or seems a bit clingy for example) and it's just easier to ignore or forget. Sad, but true.

                Also, when you are talking to more than one person whether it be online or not, I think having too many options can hold you back even if your intentions are for something more serious. This could be his case as well, but who will ever know.

                And when I am the one ignored, I always want to know "why". Rejection sucks!! They can tell you how beautiful you are, how much they admire you, lead you on to no end...then without a single CLUE just act like you don't exist...makes you wonder.
                "Greatness is a lot of small things done well. Day after day..."


                • Are online dating sites really bad for this? I know the world is changing pretty fast, but in 'the real world' that brush-off behavior in dating would still be pretty unacceptable. I know people do it, but they're openly considered jerks/bltches for it.
                  [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]


                  • Well jen, I guess openly considering someone a jerk for something matters little in online dating...nobody knows how you you treat each other. Usually there are no mutual friendships that have developed, at least in my case. Nobody cares what you think of them.

                    And besides, even when you handle a situation appropriately the other person can be angry or get defensive. I cannot count the times I had chatted with someone a few days and recognized it wasn't a match for me, said so, and was then attacked verbally and bordered on threats at times. I kid you not-all that after just a few written msgs.
                    It's a rare individual who can accept gracefully. That takes self confidence and self respect and let's face it, not many men and women have a lot of that these days.
                    And for the record, I wasn't rude in my statement to these men...just a simple thing like saying that it doesn't seem we have enough complimentary qualities to continue a discussion, or that I couldn't be with someone who doesn't love dogs...nothing personal but enough to spark outrage! Lol


                    • I understand kitty, thanks. It's funny, but the first thing that pops into my head when I read your remarks is that it's a good thing you had the internet shield between you and these people! (The ones who react poorly.) Maybe online dating or just screening does have a legit safety function lol. Do you think these men are unusual, like RL psychopaths, or would it be the same dating them out in the world? Like if you were having coffee and told them you didn't think it was going anywhere, would they flip out and threaten you at the coffee shop? Or is that behavior internet-enabled, like you see so much on message boards (not this one of course lol), where trolls say the most awful things behind their shield of anonymity.
                      [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]


                      • No, I definitely think it's courage on screen. They call alcohol "liquid courage" and I call this business "internet balls". That's a general statement of course. I think, I'm rather the opposite online...I'm much more subdued in written word, and typically when it turned nasty I felt no need or desire to argue or sustain a discussion, simply disconnected and blocked the person. It's pointless to have some kind of online fight with a person I have no relationship with and have no goal in discussing why I think we aren't compatible. Had some of these things been said to me in person, it would be much different, and in one case, I'd have called police.
                        Most people don't like confrontation and online they can create a personal alter ego and it is usually an amplified version of what they wish they could be...


                        • What I mean by that ^^ is that they wish they could assert themselves a little in person but probably cant or don't, so their little mental pendulum swings wide to the other side when online.
                          Totally a theory of mine...I really have no clue, just my idea from encountering it so many times.
                          They seemed so easy-going, even tempered and normal and their temper flared so suddenly after what seems to be minor agitation. That's part of where I get this idea...
                          Then again...online, ya just never know


                          • Yeah, I agree actually. Lots of 'tough' guys and girls out there typing away at keyboards who are really gentle flowers at heart. The go-crazy-at-nothing part is interesting and kind of scary though.

                            "Internet balls" ....LMAO
                            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]


                            • I have only had the man tell me that he didn't feel we were a good match a couple of times. I replied by thanking him for saying so and wishing him luck. I keep in touch with one of those men as friends and we go out on occasion and he has met someone special. I didn't feel personally attacked or rejected, or the need to lash out.
                              I'm not yanking my own chain here, just saying that I cannot understand why it's so hard to gracefully reject and be rejected.
                              It was becoming evident to me that these men weren't good matches for me either, they just concluded that earlier than me.

                              Could be an interesting thread topic...lol



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