[jen1447]

I understand kitty, thanks. It's funny, but the first thing that pops into my head when I read your remarks is that it's a good thing you had the internet shield between you and these people! (The ones who react poorly.) Maybe online dating or just screening does have a legit safety function lol. Do you think these men are unusual, like RL psychopaths, or would it be the same dating them out in the world? Like if you were having coffee and told them you didn't think it was going anywhere, would they flip out and threaten you at the coffee shop? Or is that behavior internet-enabled, like you see so much on message boards (not this one of course lol), where trolls say the most awful things behind their shield of anonymity.

[atskitty2]

No, I definitely think it's courage on screen. They call alcohol "liquid courage" and I call this business "internet balls". That's a general statement of course. I think, I'm rather the opposite online...I'm much more subdued in written word, and typically when it turned nasty I felt no need or desire to argue or sustain a discussion, simply disconnected and blocked the person. It's pointless to have some kind of online fight with a person I have no relationship with and have no goal in discussing why I think we aren't compatible. Had some of these things been said to me in person, it would be much different, and in one case, I'd have called police.
Most people don't like confrontation and online they can create a personal alter ego and it is usually an amplified version of what they wish they could be...

[atskitty2]

What I mean by that ^^ is that they wish they could assert themselves a little in person but probably cant or don't, so their little mental pendulum swings wide to the other side when online.
Totally a theory of mine...I really have no clue, just my idea from encountering it so many times.
They seemed so easy-going, even tempered and normal and their temper flared so suddenly after what seems to be minor agitation. That's part of where I get this idea...
Then again...online, ya just never know

[jen1447]

Yeah, I agree actually. Lots of 'tough' guys and girls out there typing away at keyboards who are really gentle flowers at heart. The go-crazy-at-nothing part is interesting and kind of scary though.

"Internet balls" ....LMAO

[atskitty2]

I have only had the man tell me that he didn't feel we were a good match a couple of times. I replied by thanking him for saying so and wishing him luck. I keep in touch with one of those men as friends and we go out on occasion and he has met someone special. I didn't feel personally attacked or rejected, or the need to lash out.
I'm not yanking my own chain here, just saying that I cannot understand why it's so hard to gracefully reject and be rejected.
It was becoming evident to me that these men weren't good matches for me either, they just concluded that earlier than me.

Could be an interesting thread topic...lol

[kira]

Talking to people only online is a bit tricky. Some feel less obligated to pay attention when they should. My sister had a guy she was talking with a lot who would frequently just walk away from his computer in the middle of a conversation to do things with his friends, answer the phone, or do chores without telling her. He was interested in her but didn't treat internet conversations the same as talking in person. When someone logs on you never know what they are doing on the other side of the computer. They may be multitasking.

People also take the anonymity and distance of the internet to just drop someone quite frequently. I can't count how many people including guys on dating sites who would have long conversations with me and then just drop off the face of the earth. I've even had people set up dates to meet, stop answering me a few days before, and then not show up when I went and waited for them.

Most of the time the internet by itself does not make a relationship develop. I did plenty of online dating and out of all the guys I dated the only person who kept with internet only for a long time until we met is now my husband. He's a computer programmer and prefers online communication to phones. Most people though you need to talk to on the phone or over an internet mic and not drag things out too long before meeting or they'll give up talking to you.

[Calicorado83]

It's like they are being abducted by aliens....(

The fact that you said that made me laugh. I always say they turn into Mr. Houdini and play the disappearing act, but I think being abducted by aliens makes more sense in this case!

I am also walking in your shoes. I have had this happen to me twice in the past couple of months by two different guys! And it leaves me feeling boggled. Why? What did I do? I see so many girls that I know personally who are trashy or druggies/drunks but yet somehow they are attracting all of the men and even getting engaged! I'm like, "What are they doing right that I am doing wrong?" Do I need to assess my own behavior? Gussy up in the mirror? Flirt more? Make more eye contact? I know I am a smart lady who is reasonable and good-looking but somehow I repel men. I am just starting to think they are stupid and don't know a good thing if it blew up in their face...I don't know how else to explain their behavior.

[atskitty2]

Don't over think it. I'm a big believer in self assessment and always working on being a better person in general...for me.
Think of it this way. You are a great woman with a lot to offer. But you aren't right for every man.
Just as every great man isn't right for you.

I know some good guys...great qualities but I couldn't imagine dating them...just something doesn't fit for me.

So, stop thinking you're doing something wrong, darling! Have fun, enjoy the journey and laugh at the craziness!

And don't settle!

[jen1447]

^ Words to live by.