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Is it really just stress?

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  • Is it really just stress?

    I started dating this guy about a month ago. I got out of a horrible marriage about 2 years ago, and have turned down multiple guys since. However, when I met this guy, something about him attracted me to him and I soon felt like I had known him forever, so I decided to let my wall down a little bit. The first couple weeks were great. We saw each other multiple times, and I even mentioned to him that maybe we should slow down after establishing how much we both like each other. He then got some shocking news that has really been stressing him out. He finds out this week if his entire future is going to change, so I understand why he has been so stressed. I am just trying to support him as much as I can. We still talk every day, even if it is just a quick hey how was your day. We hang out about 2 times a week, even if its just to do school work (we are both in college). Now that finals are over, a little bit of stress is taken off of him. We hung out last night, with his son, and while I could tell he was a little distracted, he seemed to be a little better then he has been. The next couple weeks are going to be insane with the holidays, so I mentioned today maybe we could do dinner or something before it all starts. He said lets wait til after his meeting this week, because he is still distracted. Of course, that bummed me out a bit. I feel like I am being insecure, and I'm anxious that he is backing away because he has realized he doesn't like me anymore. This is my first relationship since my marriage, and I really like the guy. I know he does (did?) feel the same way about me. I give him his space, dont text or call him all the time ( I rarely am the first to start a text, and he always replies in a short amount of time), and he usually initiates plans. He is significantly older than I am, so I feel like we both have different ways we date, as I am used to someone wanting to be with me, talk to me, all the time ect. Should I worry that he is backing away, or just really chalk it up to him being so stressed?

  • Personally, I think that you should still keep your guard up somewhat.

    He’s significantly older than you, has a son, has just heard his life is going to change directions assumingly financially and he’s not committed to you at the moment, rather, hang out, date, be together. That may be all he can handle or even wants.. Two weeks is not long with men I think it takes them a couple of months to fall for a woman, initially, it’s great to be wanted, nice to have sex, laugh, but to actually commit is something different.

    Good for you to take the time to be ready for a relationship but don’t be frightened to just date for the fun of it, and don’t look, if this guy is not the one, he’s out there, let it happen naturally, don’t try to push it because you’ve been by yourself so long and he appears to be someone you could work with 


    • He may like you a lot, even to want to be with you for the rest of his life but if the shift in his life is going be too big, he may be trying to protect you from a situation where you two cannot be together by cooling off the relationship now.

      While CW's comment about men taking a while to be ready to commit may be true in general, sometimes when everything seems to fall together correctly, some can be ready to commit almost immediately.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


      • Like my fiancé Although it took him 4 weeks before he was convinced



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