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Boyfriend says doesnt love me anymore after 3 years

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  • Boyfriend says doesnt love me anymore after 3 years

    don't know how to begin , but I was in this long term relationship for almost 2 and a half years , 3 years in May. And we have had our fair share of fights and arguments etc and it was ok , atleast we were happy in love. We had gone out yesterday and it was nice , we were laughing , having fun and then we returned and my bf complained he wasnt feeling well so I asked him to sleep. We said our I love you's and bid goodbye. It was all okay. And today in the morning also it was fine but suddenly in the noon he said he didnt feel the same way about me anymore. He stopped getting intrested in what I said suddenly and then admitted he doesnt think he love me anymore. I dont understand what happened all of a sudden? What did I even do wrong? We were happy as far as I can remember. I asked him and he said it was nothing my fault it was him he stopped loving me. But I know there must be something that I did. Maybe I wasn't pretty enough , or smart enough? He doesnt tell. And when I try to press on the reason why I think he isnt feeling the right thing he says I am forcing his love. I know I am not I am just trying to fight for him. For us. I want to be with him. We were even engaged. Today he even said breaking up with me didnt affect him, he didnt feel anything but guilt. Have I lost him?

    I am in my early twenties and believe it or not this was my first break-up. I have never had real relationships till he came and he did have a habit of having a lot of flings before me as he admitted. I dont know what to do. Please help me. I am in love with him.

    I am ready to fight for him because I dont believe a relationship this long would just vanish, I asked him to give me 3 days to make him realise he does love me. He agree but I dont know what to do anymore. I feel so broken and alone. Moreoever when I asked him if he even likes me or not he said he doesnt like me that way anymore. I just cant figure out why or how , he keeps saying his feelings changed

    I dont really know what went wrong with us. I just dont know what I could have done to avoid it because all I can think about is that we had fun yesterday we were out laughing like we always did then how all of a sudden could he just say it wasnt there , he looked me in the eyes and said he loved me when we were together, how can it just vanish in a matter of a few hours? What did I even do.

    And also , he is coming over tomorrow to have a conversation with me on my request because he ended all this on a stupid text!. What do I do about it? All I feel is , I am just clueless about how to deal with this. All I know is I want him back or I need a proper closure. Moreover I have noone to talk to. Noone so I just dont know I had given everything to this relationship now I feel alone and broken.

  • I doubt he just quit being in love one day. It was probably coming for a while, but he may have just realized it.

    Feeling alone and broken is usual for breaking up a relationship that you have invested so much in. The feeling will last a while. Try to get out with friends to distract yourself. Learn to have fun again as a single person.

    A question that needs to be answered is: "did he start another relationship before ending the one with you?" Infidelity is a common cause for breaking a relationship off.

    Another possibility is he got a case of cold feet. Was there anything that would cause him more anxiety, such as setting a date for marriage?

    Sometimes people believe that their lover has to fit certain physical specifications. If those specifications are no longer met, they question their relationship. It is an immature way of looking at things. Have you changed physically very much?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • In my opinion, this could be one of 2 things. I will start with what I think is the less likely scenario:
      1. He has a case of cold feet. You're engaged and maybe it settled into his mind that his playboy days are over and he's suddenly scared.

      2. He had probably been thinking this for longer than the few hours it seemed to you, he'd just not talked to you about it yet. He probably had it on his mind, reached a decision and finally told you. Generally speaking, if a man that you have a relationship with tells you how he feels or what he thinks, believe him.
      It's not you. It's a decision that he's made, that this relationship isn't what he wants. It isn't generally wise to try to change his mind. Take his word and give him some time. If he changes his mind, would you want it to be because you had to convince him to be with you? I don't think that's a good reason to be with someone...

      If he decides to come back to you, let it be because he realizes it was a moment of doubt or cold feet and that he does want to continue with you. Doing so out of guilt or because you talk him into it, will only lead to more problems down the road.

      Be strong and be prepared for whatever happens and accept his choice. If he decides to stay, you probably have some work to do on your relationship, communication and otherwise.
      Keep us posted.


      • Falling out of love is almost as mysterious as falling in it. Who knows what's really going on with either one? Also the first breakup/heartbreak is always the toughest hon. It will suck, there's no way around that, but it will get better eventually.

        Now to be mean ....based on what you say, I think he's already gone. That's a horrible thing to have to understand and accept, but it's better if you do it now than try to make it go on thru pleading or bargaining. Even tho you think you're fighting for your love, all you're really doing is prolonging your agony, because the first step to moving on is acceptance.

        If the relationship is to survive, you'll both have to fight for it. Not just you. His words say he's going the other direction. SO, go get a tub of ice cream, a blanket, and a season's worth of some tv show, and use them all over the weekend and cry your eyes out. That'll be a good first step to purging your system. It'll be hard but it'll be okay in the end, and you'll wind up a stronger woman who's a full member of the heartache survivor's club.

        (Oh and then next spring sometime you'll probably get a new boyfriend.)
        [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]


        • Totally agree with Jen. The first breakup is the hardest. I dated a guy for nearly 4 years and just one day he said "I think we should break up". I was devastated, mostly because I felt like I was losing my best friend, but I made myself move on. It was the best thing that happened to me, because I met my husband shortly after.

          What Jen said is so true. If the relationship is going to get "fixed" you both have to fight for it, and he doesn't sound like he wants to. You might want to take a couple weeks from him and not talk to him. I'd say give him his space, but really give YOURSELF the space. Once my ex and I stopped talking for about 2 weeks it got easier, and I started to find out about myself again. It gave me a new opportunity to get to know myself again. You'll see how strong you are once you can let go. Just love yourself and it will all work out for you (whether with him or not).


          • Originally posted by bubblesbursted View Post
            What did I even do wrong? We were happy as far as I can remember. I asked him and he said it was nothing my fault it was him he stopped loving me. But I know there must be something that I did.
            Believe what he says when he says it was nothing you've done or didn't do. My take on these types of things is that he perhaps was in love with the thought of being in love, that he came to the realization that what he was feeling wasn't love. It may be that you were his first serious relationship as well and as he grew and matured he became interested in other things than what the two of you had in common. It wouldn't be unusual for him to want to explore other people, other interests.

            This can now be a time for you to grow as your own person, not 1/2 of a couple, you can seek your interests without having to compromise and agree with someone else. You can look at yourself with an objective eye and ask what it is that you want out of a relationship and out of life.

            Whatever you do is don't beg for another day, another 3 days, because even if he stays with you now, he'll leave at another time.

            If you let him go and he leaves and returns to you in the future, you can start off on a completely level playing ground, set out new expectations for a relationship and go forth from there.
            That which we forget may as well never really happened.


            • ".....And we have had our fair share of fights and arguments etc and it was ok....."

              Am I the only one who reads these kinds of statements as actually meaning, "we fought a lot"?

              Bubble, how often did you fight and what were most of the fights about?

              There's an expression that most guys tend to agree with, "A happy wife is a happy life." Lots of fights initiated by you would indicate to him that you weren't happy and, as a result, neither was he.

              Looking back on your fights over the past 2.5 years, would you say that they began with a complaint from you? Were they "suggestions" on how he could be a better boyfriend?

              And when you say, "it was ok" do you mean it was OK with him or did he just surrender?

              I'm not trying to pick on you, but if you were completely unaware that his connection to you was dying, it may be because you weren't really focusing on his needs and only pursuing your own.

              The only chance of recovering from that is convincing him that your realize that you overlooked his needs and will work hard to meet them.

              Good luck


              • Originally posted by Pollon View Post
                ".....And we have had our fair share of fights and arguments etc and it was ok....."

                Am I the only one who reads these kinds of statements as actually meaning, "we fought a lot"
                This is why I suggested they not get back together. Perhaps in time when they both mature some more or at least come to realize who they are and what they are to each other, then things wouldn't be so one sided.

                Of course, we are getting just the one side of the story and his view could be completely opposite to hers.
                That which we forget may as well never really happened.



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