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Why do I keep doing this to myself..

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  • Why do I keep doing this to myself..

    Why is it that we go back to the people who hurt us the most? I dated a guy for a year and he was the first guy that I was in love with.. however, I found out that he had cheated on me too many times to count, so I ended it. Even though he had hurt me in a way that no one ever has, I still find myself missing him daily and wanting to be with him. He occasionally will call or text me saying how much he misses me and loves me and wants to get back together and even though I know it's a terrible idea I always am hopeful that it will work out. I recently met this amazing guy but I don't feel the same connection that I once felt with my past boyfriend. I want so badly to get over my ex but it's so hard, every time I think i'm finally getting over him and stop missing him he calls me and says how he will change and how he wants to get back together and I end up falling for it. I know I sound pathetic but it's so difficult for me to get over it.

  • Part of getting over an ex, even your first one, is finding someone better as a replacement. How long has it been since breaking up with your ex?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • Originally posted by jns View Post
      Part of getting over an ex, even your first one, is finding someone better as a replacement. How long has it been since breaking up with your ex?
      I agree, but I'll give my own advice.
      First, you DO NOT sound pathetic. This is a normal human emotion to feel. This is the first time you're heart was broken, so it's okay that you don't know what to do. You're in luck because everyone here is very supportive and non-judgmental.
      I say, if this new guy is amazing, you will eventually connect with him because he won't hurt you. Give him a chance and be patient. A heartbreak is hard to get over, but if you focus on someone who is amazing, you will get over it. It's good that you want to get over your ex because you have some feeling that you know you won't be happy with him. I say as hard as it is, ignore his texts and calls. You're feeding into thinking it's hard to get over him because you're reading or listening to his words about missing you.


      • I agree with Avatar. Emotions aren't really a science as to how they feel for the person feeling them, so it's totally reasonable that they can give us contradicting impressions - he's bad for me, I love him, etc. So don't feel bad that you feel those things. But you have to think you're way thru it at these times, tough as that may be. It sounds like that part's already done, you just have to put the thinking into play and move on. There's no easy way to do that, you just have to suffer. But you'll survive.
        [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]


        • Cut out the ex completely from your life. No text or phone calls. Block his number from you phone. Although it is possible to be friends with an ex, do you really want to be friends with such a horrible human being? It seems like any communication with him just makes it difficult to move on. So stop having any communication with him.

          Also, remember, this new guy may not be the one. Even if he is really nice, you may never connect with him. That is just the way love is, you never know. So if you don't connect with him, just move on and look again. That is no indication to go back to the ex.
          Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)


          • If you truly want to get over him and move on, you need to cut all communication with him, probably for quite some time. It will suck, but as you stated, that's what brings you back to wanting to be with him.



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