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"Taking a Break"

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  • "Taking a Break"

    To make a long story short, I've been having an issue in my life that caused me to believe that my boyfriend of 8 months wasn't helping me out as much when he really was doing all he best he can do. He says he still loves me and wants to date me, but doesn't want to talk to me until Monday. He wants to "Take a break" as he puts it. I'm EXTREMELY confused and terrified that he will leave me for good since he had friends that did the same thing, but are now not together anymore. What should I do? I feel more alone than ever.

  • He initiated the break. I'd say do everything in your power to allow him to initiate the contact Monday...or whenever.

    He's apparently feeling a little suffocated. I know the feeling. Many people break up during courtship. I did with my wife quite a few times. It's counterproductive to do anything if someone wants some air.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

    Comment


    • Leave him be, and let him decide when to come back. I understand that fear and loneliness you're feeling, but doing anything short of not following his wishes is going to drive him away further.

      If he thinks your relationship is worth working on, he'll come back. If not, he will end it. I realize that's quite blunt, but you can't force someone to want to be with you... nor should you have to.

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      • I am giving him his space. I just find it to be cruel that he hurt me so badly on occasions and I never thought of doing this.

        Comment


        • It's just how it goes sweetheart. When we let someone in, we give them the power to hurt us. The fact that we do it anyway is what makes us human.

          You'll be okay.
          [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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          • I'm hoping I'll be okay because what's scary is that I don't know what his final decision will be. I have a feeling he will still date me, but it's that possibility that he won't.

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            • It's mainly just chemicals that make us feel that way hon, and I don't mean monthly hormones ....when we are all cozy with someone for a while we literally get a 'fix' of feel-good chemicals (oxytocin I think it is) from it, daily, so when that stops for a bit or gets threatened, we have what's like withdrawal ....that's what makes you feel shaky. You can't stop it from happening, but you can be slightly less affected by it by knowing what's going on, and I'm here to tell you you WILL be okay no matter what happens. We've all either been there or will be there, and we all survive.

              If you get scared, just come back here and I'll check you over and pronounce you all good again.

              You should have a hug too - hugs!
              [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

              Comment


              • Double what KMonte said.


                I've been having an issue in my life that caused me to believe that my boyfriend of 8 months wasn't helping me out as much when he really was doing all he best he can do.
                I suspect he felt you either took him for granted, or nitpicked his efforts. People tend to take out their frustration on their loved ones, because we assume they still be there after the storm has blown through. Allow him space. When he makes contact, let him know what you've told us, that his effort was overlooked and that you appreciate him.

                Best of luck.

                Comment


                • I definitely nitpicked his efforts. I think we will make it through since he is level headed, but I wish there was a way that I could still show that I'm thinking of him, such liking something he posted on Facebook. I decided to not go there since I view it as playing with fire. I had a day long talk with my parents about it and they are glad that I'm staying calm and admitted it was my fault since it's something I don't do.

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                  • Just an update.

                    After talking it out we are back together. I couldn't be happier!

                    Comment


                    • Glad you two are back together.
                      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                      ...
                      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                      Comment


                      • Speaking from experience I know that "a break" it's just a beginning of a breakup :-( When my BF and I decided to take a break, we knew it's not going to work anymore, but we needed this time to get used to the feeling of being alone. The best thing you can do is to give it some time, if he comes back then he loves you and wants to be with you - then you should give it another try. If not, then well...

                        Comment


                        • This is not happening again. I can't lose him due to my behavior.

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