[atskitty2]

Someone said there was a thread on this topic but I cannot search effectively on this mobile device, so I am starting a new one.

Why are some women attracted to "the bad boy"? And why do some men choose "the bi+ch" for a partner? Is it just stereotypes? Is it opposites attract? Is it anything more than just, we like what we like? Is it the challenge? Is it the "forbidden fruit" factor? Is it the perceived sexual prowess?

Obviously there are many reasons we're drawn to certain people. And I'm not addressing badness that rises to the level of abuse or anything of the sort.
What about people who start relations with an imprisoned man or woman, and marry them?

I hope both men and women will contribute.

[rcoreyus]

As a guy, I've never been attracted to "bad girls", except in the very limited sense of being attracted to women who like sex. Since some people believe that "good girls" are very limited in their sexual activities, maybe that is the source of the "bad girl" attraction.

I do like interesting women and independent self-reliant women, but that is different from "bad".

[Stillness]

I hope my wife never sees this because I don't want her to be unnecessarily jealous, but I was just thinking about attraction yesterday and wondering how it works. Most of my clients are female and there are some that I feel very drawn to - powerfully so. They're not necessarily extremely beautiful. I don't know if it's pheromones, some innate trigger that their pulling that I don't understand, or something else. It's actually like this with my wife too. I really think it might boil down to the right combination of personality and physical traits.

I do think you'd have to define "bad boy" to really get some answers. My feeling is that if someone keeps being drawn to actual bad people then it's probably because they're bad too - especially once they get past their early twenties.

[DreamP346]

I think people find the appearance of "bad" sexy. It's not necessarily they like bad people. The image of a guy in a leather jacket riding a motor cycle is pretty hot. It has a certain "bad boy" look. Or a woman in stiletto heels and a low cut dress who talks dirty.

People who habitually date bad people usually have other issues such as low self-esteem, poor life choices, etc. That is very different then finding that bad-boy/girl look sexy.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I honestly wonder for the younger generation as to whether it boils down to high school. The "top" guys, all the tough girls, the nerds.. So the will and desire to be "desired" by someone who is "warranted/wanted" by a lot of others.. Ego? And then if not that, charm, hormones.

Most quiet "good guys" let's face it look a little nerdy are usually quiet until you get to know them, it's hard to be attractive to that.

If you are assertive then perhaps you also like danger, adventure. So, the will and desire to catch and keep what others want but it never works out that way, the bad boys generally nearly always cheat.

Eventually though I think the good guys win but at a much older age, when the girls / women are sick of what they have put up with and realise that a good guy can make her laugh, will never cheat.

[Stillness]

Yeah, but is a guy with a leather jacket on a motorcycle a bad boy? What does that mean? That's why I think we have to define "good" and "bad."

[atskitty2]

I see your point Stillness, and I guess I wanted to explore both-the image of badness and the reality of badness. It can be either or both.
I do realize that each of our perceptions of an image of a bad boy/girl may be different...

[Stillness]

I guess I don't find the appearance or actual bad women attractive.

[jen1447]

The impression I've always had is just that we (in the case of women) like someone with balls. It means that they have confidence, and we want that. Confidence is sexy, timidness is not. (Think of the passive guy kitty - I bet he doesn't exactly get you lubed up lol ) Then the natural extensions just come into play - 'bad' guys are usually confident because they don't play by the rules, so that makes them sexy, which combined with their confidence appeals strongly to us. Bad just means non-conformist basically - someone who has enough balls to resist and not be a sheep/goldfish.

Unfortunately, good citizen types are generally not rebels - they do exactly what they should, when they should, and never dream of stepping out of line. That's good. It's not sexy. The larger implication too, especially in the modern era where women are equals, is that they're unable to stand up to us. We have a strangely contradictory position there at times - we want men to respect us and stand up to us. Too much of one and not enough of the other wrecks the appeal, but unfortunately, boldness on their part still appeals to some who are lower in self esteem, while niceness really doesn't. Thus you end up with the perception of this phenomenon where women seem to seek out the bad guys. What they're really doing in some sense is siding with the lesser of two evils, with the tame guy being a greater evil because the consequences for our happiness with the prospect of a life of hum-drum towing the line can cause panic.

All that said, none of this is really true across the board, at least not true enough to say that it's some kind of behavioral phenomenon. There are plenty of emotionally mature and secure women out there who realize the value of safe guys and are not so jittery as to want to judge somebody based on a single trait alone, and then there are some (like me lol) who value guys who 'obey,' basically. There's really a lot of grey area here but I think the basic perceptions are legit when understood for what they are - a lot of us just like guys with balls.

[Stillness]

Bad just means non-conformist basically - someone who has enough balls to resist and not be a sheep/goldfish.

Yeah. That I do find attractive - in women and men. I call these people "thinkers" when they're not just bucking to buck, but bucking the status quo because it's messed up.