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Do good guys really finish last?

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  • Do good guys really finish last?

    Someone said there was a thread on this topic but I cannot search effectively on this mobile device, so I am starting a new one.

    Why are some women attracted to "the bad boy"? And why do some men choose "the bi+ch" for a partner? Is it just stereotypes? Is it opposites attract? Is it anything more than just, we like what we like? Is it the challenge? Is it the "forbidden fruit" factor? Is it the perceived sexual prowess?

    Obviously there are many reasons we're drawn to certain people. And I'm not addressing badness that rises to the level of abuse or anything of the sort.
    What about people who start relations with an imprisoned man or woman, and marry them?

    I hope both men and women will contribute.

  • As a guy, I've never been attracted to "bad girls", except in the very limited sense of being attracted to women who like sex. Since some people believe that "good girls" are very limited in their sexual activities, maybe that is the source of the "bad girl" attraction.

    I do like interesting women and independent self-reliant women, but that is different from "bad".

    Comment


    • I hope my wife never sees this because I don't want her to be unnecessarily jealous, but I was just thinking about attraction yesterday and wondering how it works. Most of my clients are female and there are some that I feel very drawn to - powerfully so. They're not necessarily extremely beautiful. I don't know if it's pheromones, some innate trigger that their pulling that I don't understand, or something else. It's actually like this with my wife too. I really think it might boil down to the right combination of personality and physical traits.

      I do think you'd have to define "bad boy" to really get some answers. My feeling is that if someone keeps being drawn to actual bad people then it's probably because they're bad too - especially once they get past their early twenties.
      "Those sowing seed with tears
      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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      • I think people find the appearance of "bad" sexy. It's not necessarily they like bad people. The image of a guy in a leather jacket riding a motor cycle is pretty hot. It has a certain "bad boy" look. Or a woman in stiletto heels and a low cut dress who talks dirty.

        People who habitually date bad people usually have other issues such as low self-esteem, poor life choices, etc. That is very different then finding that bad-boy/girl look sexy.
        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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        • I honestly wonder for the younger generation as to whether it boils down to high school. The "top" guys, all the tough girls, the nerds.. So the will and desire to be "desired" by someone who is "warranted/wanted" by a lot of others.. Ego? And then if not that, charm, hormones.

          Most quiet "good guys" let's face it look a little nerdy are usually quiet until you get to know them, it's hard to be attractive to that.

          If you are assertive then perhaps you also like danger, adventure. So, the will and desire to catch and keep what others want but it never works out that way, the bad boys generally nearly always cheat.

          Eventually though I think the good guys win but at a much older age, when the girls / women are sick of what they have put up with and realise that a good guy can make her laugh, will never cheat.
          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

          Comment


          • Yeah, but is a guy with a leather jacket on a motorcycle a bad boy? What does that mean? That's why I think we have to define "good" and "bad."
            "Those sowing seed with tears
            Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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            • I see your point Stillness, and I guess I wanted to explore both-the image of badness and the reality of badness. It can be either or both.
              I do realize that each of our perceptions of an image of a bad boy/girl may be different...

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              • I guess I don't find the appearance or actual bad women attractive.
                "Those sowing seed with tears
                Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                Comment


                • The impression I've always had is just that we (in the case of women) like someone with balls. It means that they have confidence, and we want that. Confidence is sexy, timidness is not. (Think of the passive guy kitty - I bet he doesn't exactly get you lubed up lol ) Then the natural extensions just come into play - 'bad' guys are usually confident because they don't play by the rules, so that makes them sexy, which combined with their confidence appeals strongly to us. Bad just means non-conformist basically - someone who has enough balls to resist and not be a sheep/goldfish.

                  Unfortunately, good citizen types are generally not rebels - they do exactly what they should, when they should, and never dream of stepping out of line. That's good. It's not sexy. The larger implication too, especially in the modern era where women are equals, is that they're unable to stand up to us. We have a strangely contradictory position there at times - we want men to respect us and stand up to us. Too much of one and not enough of the other wrecks the appeal, but unfortunately, boldness on their part still appeals to some who are lower in self esteem, while niceness really doesn't. Thus you end up with the perception of this phenomenon where women seem to seek out the bad guys. What they're really doing in some sense is siding with the lesser of two evils, with the tame guy being a greater evil because the consequences for our happiness with the prospect of a life of hum-drum towing the line can cause panic.

                  All that said, none of this is really true across the board, at least not true enough to say that it's some kind of behavioral phenomenon. There are plenty of emotionally mature and secure women out there who realize the value of safe guys and are not so jittery as to want to judge somebody based on a single trait alone, and then there are some (like me lol) who value guys who 'obey,' basically. There's really a lot of grey area here but I think the basic perceptions are legit when understood for what they are - a lot of us just like guys with balls.
                  [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by jen1447 View Post
                    Bad just means non-conformist basically - someone who has enough balls to resist and not be a sheep/goldfish.
                    Yeah. That I do find attractive - in women and men. I call these people "thinkers" when they're not just bucking to buck, but bucking the status quo because it's messed up.
                    "Those sowing seed with tears
                    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                    Comment


                    • It may be an attraction to strength. Bad boys / girls have the strength to go against the rules. There are many other people who have strength as well, but it may not be nearly as obvious so they aren't immediately attractive. Sports figures, and famous people are also generally considered attractive - each again has a sort of power.

                      I wonder, has anyone here had a good long term relationship with a bad boy / girl?

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                      • My BF has.

                        That's another point about this whole goodness/badness thing tho - bad doesn't have to mean evil and 'bad' types can actually be good people. Likewise good could be really not so great if they basically leach the life out of somebody while obeying laws and paying their taxes and wearing pocket protectors and all that.
                        [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

                        Comment


                        • Not sure I've officially put my 2 cents in on this. I've often said my ideal man is the "bad boy" with the heart of gold. I love a strong, assertive, bold guy who's intelligent, ambitious and has a tough side, but has a big soft spot for me, his family and friends.
                          I'm pretty strong and I need a strong man to balance me, otherwise I feel dominant and I don't like to be the ONLY one wearing the pants.

                          I like the bad boy image too. But I've found that a lot of those images aren't necessarily matching their personality. It seems they can be just as wimpy as those iron-creased, pocket-protecting stereotypes...

                          So, I would never tolerate abuse in any fashion, but a man who can stand up to me, challenge my thoughts and my choices respectfully and is strong enough to expect me to do the same for him...that's sexy.

                          So I think its confidence and balls and, at a very evolutionary sort of level, the security that implies.

                          Comment


                          • Good point about security - we don't really need anybody to take care of us in the stereotypical sense anymore, but it's still hot to have a guy on your arm who could beat somebody up for you if the situation called for it. It's sexy to feel safe.
                            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

                            Comment


                            • Are you bad, or are you self-reliant and stylish? I think there is a big question of what is meant by "bad". If "bad" is taken to mean "likes hot sex", then sure a lot of people like bad boys / girls. If bad means "lives a criminal lifestyle, and becomes a violent drunk" then that's more of a problem.

                              Originally posted by jen1447 View Post
                              My BF has.

                              That's another point about this whole goodness/badness thing tho - bad doesn't have to mean evil and 'bad' types can actually be good people. Likewise good could be really not so great if they basically leach the life out of somebody while obeying laws and paying their taxes and wearing pocket protectors and all that.

                              Comment

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