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Your single friend

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  • Your single friend

    We have a friend in his early 50's who became single in the last few years. I know he is lonely and he has tried the online dating, although no success so far. My husband is desperately trying to set him up. Any time there is a single woman (regardless of other factors), he is trying to set them up. I think this is too pushy. Yes, if this woman had something that would make one believe she would be a good match with our friend, I can see setting them up. But the lone fact that she is female and single just isn't reason enough for me. BTW, the women appear to be decent, not a looser. We either don't know much about them, or we know that these two people have nothing in common.

    So, question to you single folks, do you like to be set up with anybody (as long as they are a decent person with a job) and let you decide if it's worth pursuing. Or would you only be brought up possible dates that we can provide more information about and possibly have something in common.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

  • There is a difference between introducing people and setting them up. Arranging for all of you to meet is fine, but in any way suggesting than that seems inappropriate to me.

    Comment


    • Yep...nothing wrong with making introductions but blind dates or set ups can be awkward. I've had them all, and intros are better, preferably in a group setting.

      Is this person asking for help? If not, I wouldn't get involved. They may be content with their singleness

      Comment


      • I think it's difficult to answer, not knowing your friend.

        I think it would be difficult on the woman whom he decided to perhaps "try" with, if they were not compatible however, she thought they were enough and then he left her a short time after.

        At 50 we hope to find someone to connect with to spend the rest of our lives with and a woman at 50 I believe is very vulnerable as she feels she is getting older and no one will want her.

        I think he has to be a gentleman and honest on his dates but I do think it's a good idea to date, keeps you in the loop of the dating game which is important.

        Given I was 47 when I met my now fiancé and tried the on-line dating.. I think I have a bit of merit here
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

        Comment


        • CW, our friend seems interested in meeting anybody he is set up with. He really does want to meet somebody and is very lonely. I think the reason my husband tries so hard is because we all feel bad for him. He's a really nice guy. Got divorced a few years ago and then his wife moved far away with his 2 kids. So he is really alone. I think he would respect a women and be good to her, but he's probably not the type who knows how to romance a woman. The quiet type. The type that wouldn't make for an exciting date, but if you stick around, would be as loyal as a dog.

          Of course, we aren't pushing women at him. We ask if he's interested and if he is (and she is), we give them contact information so they can set up a date.
          Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

          Comment


          • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
            There is a difference between introducing people and setting them up. Arranging for all of you to meet is fine, but in any way suggesting than that seems inappropriate to me.
            Why do you think it's inappropriate? Before internet dating, if you weren't aggressive about asking somebody out, your best bet was through people you knew and set ups. Even introductions are set ups. Both people know why they are being introduced. And it's not like they are being forced. Both parties agree to the set up. Pretty much, the friends are doing what the internet dating sites are doing--find who's available and provide their contact information.
            Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

            Comment


            • Originally posted by sp346 View Post
              The type that wouldn't make for an exciting date, but if you stick around, would be as loyal as a dog.
              I hope you aren't selling him that way to the ladies.
              "Those sowing seed with tears
              Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Stillness View Post
                I hope you aren't selling him that way to the ladies.
                I haven't been the one doing these set ups, so I don't know how my husband and others are doing the selling. Although I think it would be better to let the woman know what to expect. More than likely they will write him off after the first date (which is what he is experiencing) because he makes for a boring date. But if they gave him a chance knowing that he was a good guy, maybe he would have a better chance.
                Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                Comment


                • Maybe "inappropriate" isn't quite right, but it feels like making assumptions about what each of them wants and could make things uncomfortable. If it is just a casual group meeting, it is very easy for either of them to just not contact the other again if they don't hit it off. Maybe its just my way of looking at things.

                  Originally posted by sp346 View Post
                  Why do you think it's inappropriate? Before internet dating, if you weren't aggressive about asking somebody out, your best bet was through people you knew and set ups. Even introductions are set ups. Both people know why they are being introduced. And it's not like they are being forced. Both parties agree to the set up. Pretty much, the friends are doing what the internet dating sites are doing--find who's available and provide their contact information.

                  Comment


                  • Although I think it would be better to let the woman know what to expect. More than likely they will write him off after the first date (which is what he is experiencing) because he makes for a boring date
                    But, he may not be a boring date, with the right woman and our judge on our friends, may not really be correct as when alone with someone, a person is different.
                    I don't know how many times I've thought, wow didn't think "he" or "she" was that way and a woman makes a man, visa versa.

                    Maybe they see potential and are trying to write to see if he can communicate better this way, for now..

                    I don't think it's correct to give someone a brief on someone. Unless it's yourself. Because honestly, we really don't know what's in a closet.
                    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                    Comment


                    • Why has your husband 'taken the bull by the horns' by trying so hard to find your friend a companion? Your friend is lonely, is he painfully shy as well? Passing contact information and letting them "set something up" seems awkward.

                      Would it be feasible to set up a meeting at a coffee shop where the four of you are interacting in a social setting and taking the edge off of the blind date theme? At the end of the coffee meeting, your friend has the opportunity to persue future encounters by asking for the lady's number.

                      As long as he is considered a boring date, I'm not sure what you could do, short of making suggestions to bring him out of his shell or supply him with entertainment ideas.

                      Conversely, I'd not make it my mission to find him a companion. Sometimes things seem to be sailing along fine and WHAM! everything goes to pot, and you (your husband) may be viewed as the culprit who coerced him in the first place.

                      (P.S. Thank You )

                      Euphoric

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Euphoric View Post
                        Why has your husband 'taken the bull by the horns' by trying so hard to find your friend a companion?
                        Yeah, that's my question. Personally, I don't match-make unless asked to. I think my husband is being too pushy with this, although our friend doesn't seem to mind the setting up. I also feel the same way that if things go south, it could be awkward.
                        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                        Comment


                        • You keep saying he "seems" this way or that...has he actually asked for help or have you just asked him, outside of the same time you've got somebody in mind? He may not object because he doesn't want to disappoint you or something like that.
                          People tend to think I'm lonely, and offer to hook me up quite often. They get the wrong idea.

                          Couple other thoughts:
                          If he's really such a boring date, maybe he needs to work on that. Maybe some work on his presentation, and some cultivating of his own social skills is in order. Maybe he has been wanting to develop new hobbies or skills and now would be a good time.

                          If he really is this lonely, longing man, that's probably as much a turn off as anything. Desperation in any form, no matter how minor, is just not a quality most of us are looking for. Perceptions of desperation can be as bad as real desperation.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                            You keep saying he "seems" this way or that...has he actually asked for help or have you just asked him, outside of the same time you've got somebody in mind? He may not object because he doesn't want to disappoint you or something like that.
                            People tend to think I'm lonely, and offer to hook me up quite often. They get the wrong idea.
                            My husband is the one telling me all this. I'm not sure he got it directly from his friend or is making assumptions.



                            Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                            Couple other thoughts:
                            If he's really such a boring date, maybe he needs to work on that. Maybe some work on his presentation, and some cultivating of his own social skills is in order. Maybe he has been wanting to develop new hobbies or skills and now would be a good time.

                            If he really is this lonely, longing man, that's probably as much a turn off as anything. Desperation in any form, no matter how minor, is just not a quality most of us are looking for. Perceptions of desperation can be as bad as real desperation.
                            I assume he's a boring date because he is the guy at our parties who always shows up but doesn't say much. Very quiet. Not a big talker and very much a follower. At 50, I don't think that is going to change. He does try to do different activities such as church volunteer, going to live music, wine tasting, etc. I also don't know if he comes off desperate.

                            My husband is closer with him than I am. I just get annoyed at my husband for trying to set up every single woman he knows with him.
                            Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                            Comment


                            • fwiw, in my experience, setting people up (and I've done it myself so I know) is usually more for the benefit of the person doing the setting up. It seems like many people (women usually moreso than men) are made uncomfortable by single people in their social circles, so they want to 'fix' that - under the guise of helping the single person but mainly I think so they don't have to feel uncomfortable about them.
                              [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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