[Euphoric]

Sorry, I accidentally sent before I was finished. You obviously care about him, therefore, the relationship may have a bump in the road occasionally, but riding it out can be rewarding. Keep in mind that it takes both parties working toward the same goal for success and happiness.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

my current boyfriend and I were fighting about this, and he was out of town for over a week, I was upset and tired of hanging out at my house, so I decided it would do me good to go out and try and keep my mind off of our fight. So I did. I went out with a long time friend (ex-brother-inlaw)

I made the mistake of drinking too much, and instead of driving home drunk, he offered to let me stay at his parent's house for the night and drive me to my car in the morning. I agreed

ex-brother-in-law is not the ex-boyfriend otherwise I might understand

.

He has been hurt severely. His first love cheated on him by sleeping with every single one of his male friends in high school because of a rumor that went around high school about him kissing his ex-girlfriend.

I get this feeling there is a little bit of a rebel in you Let's look at this honestly.

Yes, you have every right to go out and mingle with who ever you want as long as you are faithful.

Yes, trust is a big thing within a relationship and without it, the relationship is doomed.

Yes, he should trust you with your ex but given what happened to him and I suspect that high school and now, is not that many years ago, then put yourself in his shoes, turn it around, he cheated left right and centre on his ex-girlfriend and goes out all the time, leaves you home think about your thoughts.

You had another argument about this he went out of town. You stewed and stewed I suspect to the point of how dare he not trust me, and rebelled and went out with the ex's brother. Think about reversing the situation and your man did that to you. To me that's rebelling, planting a seed, giving what for. All his fears including more than likely that the ex was there as well, not just the ex's brother after such an argument is that perhaps asking for well, another argument? Wouldn't it have been "ok" if you had gone out with a girlfriend? I'm trying to put myself in his shoes for you so you can see both sides sweet.

In my opinion, yes he has trust issues but if a person deliberately adds to it, within the areas that the other person is having difficulty understanding, feeling safe with wouldn't that have hurt him? I think so.. It's adding fuel to the fire.

This however is his trust issue but if you love him, honestly love him, compromise in some form to help him build it with you to know in his heart he finally has someone different, someone that loves him and him only, someone he wouldn't care if she met Brad Pitt or Justin Beebs? He is safe does happen. Not sure if you want to spend that time though, it can be long and it doesn't always work, sometimes it's so deep rooted that the in-security doesn't go away.

Hard call for you and I hope you realise the gist of what I am saying and not thinking I am putting you down... I was the best rebel in town when young.

[Vreayla]

He is 33 years old. High school was a long time ago, but he is very inexperienced because he has not had a serious girlfriend since until me. He actually was not the one who did the cheating. It was his ex that cheated on him. I was not mad that he was out of town (he was on work) and he has been on jobs that go out of town since we started dating (over a year ago) and with all of that out of town stuff, I have never been suspicious of him (even though he goes out to the bar with his boss if they have to stay a weekend). I honestly did not do it out of spite. I was tired of moping and posted on my fb "anyone want to go to the park and get coffee or go to the bar and have a beer?" and ex-brother-in-law was the first to respond (whom I trust a great deal). I just needed to get out of my thoughts, and no the ex-boyfriend was not there. I have not spoken with the ex since all of this transpired because I am still trying to decide if the friendship is worth fighting for (or maybe it is the principle that I should be fighting for). I am going to try and work through this with my boyfriend, I am just not sure for how long. It very well depends on his efforts to trust me again. Trust is a two way street and asking me not to do things because you have insecurities does not work through trust issues, it just gives him a pacifier, and also that shows no effort on his side. I deserve to be treated as someone who can be trusted even when I have done something "questionable" because I have been very consistent in the relationship thus far and believe in benefit of the doubt on first questionable circumstances. Only when there is a pattern do I allow myself to be suspicious of another person. Also, I showed him my fb messages after the fact, introduced and hung out with my ex-brother-in-law with him, called him before the bar to let him know who what where and when. I could understand him believing that I went out in-spite of him if I had done any spiteful things previously, but I do not believe in revenge. I prefer to move on, because revenge just makes me feel ugly. I do appreciate all of your input though, and understand your reasoning. It's just that those are things I have already considered and given answers to.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Oh dear. He's 33 and the cheating happened in high school and you are his next serious relationship? I know it was his ex, I was trying to paint you a picture back to front and suggested Rebel not spite But seems you have already considered all of that.

Hon, 33 he is a grown man. At this point in time of your life, you deserve someone who makes you laugh, someone to have special date nights with, someone who is your best friend as well as your lover and future.

Perhaps you need to be assertive. He is holding all the cards at present " if he can trust you again", cornering you to do what he pleases and making you feel it's your fault.

Given what you have just written, it sounds as if he can do what he wants all the time and you can do what he wants most of the time...

You showed him your face-book messages, introduced the ex-brother-in-law. He needs to get over this and you need to not allow him to put this onto you, you both are grown Adults and he needs to act like one.

[Vreayla]

"Hon, 33 he is a grown man. At this point in time of your life, you deserve someone who makes you laugh, someone to have special date nights with, someone who is your best friend as well as your lover and future."

I agree, but he was all of these things before the incident. He was very manly and secure and a believer of me. I just really hit the nail on the head I guess. I am not taking blame... I just feel I should have foreseen this.

Perhaps you need to be assertive. He is holding all the cards at present " if he can trust you again", cornering you to do what he pleases and making you feel it's your fault.

I agree, I just don't want to at fuel to the fire. I thought maybe I could wait a week or two for the waters to calm and then bring this up in the most tactful understanding way I know how.

You showed him your face-book messages, introduced the ex-brother-in-law. He needs to get over this and you need to not allow him to put this onto you, you both are grown Adults and he needs to act like one.

I KNOW RIGHT! (sorry for the caps but that was my initial reaction and why I broke it off to begin with)

Also I heard spite because that is what he was trying to say I did it out of... so I have been kind of stuck on that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

This was my initial thoughts putting myself into his shoes that, that is what he saw "spite" I said "rebel" You've explained what happened and why and how that derived so I assume you did with him as well.

You are still taking the blame Because you can see his thoughts as I did. But that wasn't your intention so he needs to GET OVER IT! Not sorry for the caps