[Kendra2003]

A friend I met last year at work introduced me to his best friend and we dated for 2 months, no drama, to be honest the break up was mutual but he was the one who became distant and I reacted by just losing interest. after the break upwe exchanged 1 message I told him that I had developed feelings for him but his behavior hurt me ( he was really immature at the end of the relation)and he answered that he did like me too but we are not meant to be, I wished him to meet someone more compatible with him. I just swallowed my pain and anyways I had bigger problems at the time. Now it'S been 3 months we didnt talk or see each other and my friend who doesn't live in the same city anymore is coming for a week -end and is organising a birthday party for his gf. he invited me along with his other friends including the guy I dated)
I find it awkward because i talked to his gf only twice maybe and all the other are friends of my ex and I am the only outsider (I met the others only a couple of times when I was dating the guy). He could have invited other friends from work also I was not his only friend from work.
Do u think I am overthinking it. I mean its gonna be exclusively my exes friends who will be there and me. Even if i want to see my friend from work I dont know if I should go. It took me 2 months to get over it and now I am finding my balance again and don't want to risk it.
Do u think my friend thinks that I will just don't care since we only dated for 2 months i am really confused and don't really know how to act.
Sorry for the long stoy

[atskitty2]

Probably over thinking dear. I wouldn't go, personally.
Do you still work with this friend? If not, and you want to see him then make arrangements separately. I would feel like a loose wheel at a party like you're describing, & wouldn't put myself in that position.

[Kendra2003]

No he moved . what confuses me is why does he put me in this position he should know better

[Kendra2003]

Do u think if i just come quickly with another friend from work and say hello it would be ok? I already said I was going

[jen1447]

I wouldn't go. You said it took you two months to get over it and you're just now moving on, don't jeopardize that progress by throwing this guy back in the mix. The no contact approach with exes is really the best unless and until you're completely over them.

[Kendra2003]

I dont mind seeing him. i actually feel that it is what it will take me to completely get over him. thats why i wanna just go with a friend to just say hi. did u already have a similar situation

[jen1447]

Well I've had breakup situations yeah ....trust me, just don't go. When you get over someone, what you're basically doing is forgetting them - particularly the immediacy of who they are/were in your life, which is what has the power to cause all those icky feelings. Going to see him in person at this stage won't make you forget him, it will bring him back into the present and invite all those icky feelings back in. The unfortunate thing about all this is that if we haven't fully moved on yet, we actually crave those feelings because they're associated with the high that person used to bring you, perverse as that sounds. That's why you have to separate yourself and be strong with that resolution until you've actually forgotten the guy. Then he no longer has that power anymore and seeing him is ....safe/meaningless.

But you don't take that journey in three months hon - I'd say a minimum of six for a relationship that was at all serious and in which you became emotionally invested. It takes some people years. Don't go to the party.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think that your friend didn't want to dis-include you I think that would have been worse. He also probably thinks, it was only a few weeks of dating and was a while ago, no big deal.

It depends if you want to go, so you can look good and say "pfttt, see what you are missing" Or whether you want to go to please your friend.

Ultimately, you should also please yourself, do what you want to do. If you want to go, go. I'd hold my head up high though smile and as you suggest, not stay long (NO matter what )

There are so many fish in the sea, this guy wasn't for you remember that. So don't go backwards

[Kendra2003]

OK girls i wanna share what happened because iam really proud of myself lol.
so I decided to go, bymyself. when I got there of course my friend was super happy to see me. the others first looked at me like wth is she doing here. My ex was with his new GF and seeing did not affect me AT ALLLLLLL wohoo, officially over him. The funny thing is that even If I was the one by myself, I smiled to him across the room to ay hi and he looked away as if he did not know me. its only when his gf left that he looked at me and said hi.
Anyways I am sharing because my anticipation of this party was more stressful than the event itself. I actually had a great time everybody except my ex stopped acting weird with me and just talked and danced with me as if nothing ever happened.

[jen1447]

Glad it worked out. Have you seen or talked to him since then?