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Need advice !

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  • Need advice !

    Hi I first googled my situation this is how I came to this site Anyways I have been with my bf for 6 years now and I recently met this guy I am starting to like. I felt terrible talking to this new guy. He is really nice and sweet. He lives across country BTW so its just been simply chatting on fb.

    My current relationship has its ups and downs like every one experiences. My issue is we don't even have sex anymore. I am 30 and he is 26 years old. I tried everything to get him in the mood but nothing. I feel like our relationship is stale and boring. We do not go out anymore do things together anymore. He spends a lot of time on the computer working. We argue about this all the time. I feel like he is neglecting me and ignoring me. He says he is trying to make money so we will have a future. I totally understand but the lack of intimacy and attention I can not take any longer. On several times when I express how I feel he tells me I seriously need to get help ( I have depression but do not get treated for it because I do not believe in popping pills for everything. I feel really good now I think I was depressed from my fathers passing) My life has really changed so I feel amazing. So I do not think I need help. I find that very hurtful to say that to me. He also always says I spend way too much time online chatting or texting my friends. He says my internet friends are not real friends. Again this really hurts me. I have friends I have know for years now and feel like we are best friends even though we do not live close. I have met some in person too so I dunno. Kind of get sad that he says these things to me.

    He also lives 70 miles away and I do not see him every week. I don't even miss him when he left the last time. I know he is not cheating on me or talking to other girls he is not like that. I just do not understand what is going on. He has white and grey hairs now and I dunno if its genetic or that he is super stressed for trying to work for us. I just feel that he needs to chill out and enjoy life but he is not that type of person. We used to get along really great. It just saddens me because I thought he was the one and we would get married.

    Now back to the other guy, I really like this other guy he even gave me good advice on how to fix my relationship ( yes he found out I have a bf) We met on fb through a group and we never talked about dating or liking each other it was always about the topics in the fb group. He reached out to me one day because I posted that I was feeling sad and he was the only one to ask me what was wrong. Not even my bf seemed cared :/ ( I called him to tell him I was sad) So that is how we really started to chat. I just recently started to chat with him in a flirty way. Last night he was out having drinks and texts me. Now I am no dummy if a guy likes you that much to text you while he is out gave me a clue he really likes me. Later that night he told me he likes me. I dunno if going this direction is the right one. I know even if I told the new guy I would stay with my bf he would still be my friend. I felt so over whelmed on what to do that yesterday I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack.

    I read some articles on when you know your relationship is over and came across this site edit link
    20 Sure Signs to Tell Your Relationship is over.

    I pretty much answered yes to most of the statements for my current bf. I told my bf I wanted a break .... he is now texting me more and calling but that does not make me feel better I actually getting annoyed and I don't even want to answer his calls.

    Sorry for this long winded posts. I just wanted to hear what others think. ( I already have some friends that gave me advice) I guess I am afraid of what to do because change is something that freaks me out.
    Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 03-20-2014, 03:26 PM.

  • I didn't read your entire post, but if you're becoming interested in someone new, break up with your bf. If things have deteriorated in your relationship, either work it out and improve it, or leave it. Sounds like you aren't happy with him, and you deserve to be happy. He also, deserves honesty and a happy partner.
    Before it gets more complicated, have a talk with him and either work on it, or part ways. . Good luck.


    • Sounds like all the "end it" signs are there with the current BF really. There will always be disagreements, but if he has some core misunderstanding of who you are with the criticisms and whatnot, that's bad and chances are it won't get any better during a marriage or longer-term relationship. Worst thing is feeling annoyed by his texts, that's the death knell because it means you're losing respect for him.

      One thing I'd be careful about tho is getting too excited about the new guy ....replacements always look really good when compared to the people who need replacing. Maybe some single time would be best hon. I think you're strong at heart the way you sound - we all feel anxious once in a while but it's not enough to beat you. Be you're own woman for a while and see what that perspective gives you.
      [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]


      • In my opinion, when a man says " you need help" when you are trying to simply communicate to him, to secure a relationship that can go forward, continue, be content and happy and if he says "internet friends are not real, you're spending too much time" it suggests to me that 1) he is using the blame game on you as a cop out and 2) he doesn't want you to meet anyone else. Yet, he's happy to live in his world and not compromise.

        This is not a good relationship to continue with in any event.

        The guy you are talking to, is filling in the gaps that you are missing, so be careful and take it slow but certainly your boyfriend sounds immature and quite selfish in his thoughts.



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