[jen1447]

Yeah, I'd say start now, take your time, say what you want to say, and make it all count. It's actually an advantage to write something like that out because it helps you organize your thoughts and you don't have to risk any verbal "um, uh" stammering.

All the things you're feeling are legit, so don't be ashamed of them. It's also unavoidable, so prepare for some misery but in the end it's the right thing to do. You're better than the way he's treating you and you have to stand up for yourself. He'll survive.

We're here if you need any more huggin'.

[Dovey]

I started writing the E-Mail and I am sitting here crying my eyes out. I know that I am doing the right thing, but I feel like such a **** coward for having to do it over E-Mail. But he has left me no choice.

I started of saying how much I have been hurting these past few days without him. How I don't know where is he, what he's doing, if he's okay and that I realised that I can no longer be in a relationship like that.

I then went on to say that I think it's been clear to both of us in the last months, that things haven't been good. We see eachother less and less, we don't have much to say to eachother and that the trust in our relationship is damaged and not there in the form that it needs to be in order to have a healthy and successful relationship. That trust can't be repaired. Also i wrote about how we're basically leading two separate lives - living more as friends rather than as partners. I don't see a future.

I then wrote about how much it hurts me to do it via E-Mail, but that I couldn't look him in the eyes without breaking down.

...I'm not sure what else to say.

Do I send him a text before hand letting him know that I wrote him an E-Mail?

I feel sick.

[jns]

One of your worries was that he wasn't where you expected him to be. He has been neglectful no matter where he has been. If you have the resources, you could hire someone to find out where he is. Then you can write your message with a clear conscious. You could even have a friend stop by his mother's place to observe if he is there, but the friend would have to have a cover story.

[jen1447]

I wouldn't engage in the hokey-pokey stuff, the reality is never so dramatic. Frankly he's just blowing you off for whatever goofy reason, he's not dying in a ditch like everyone always suspects (they never are), so e-mail is quite fine imo. Again, he made that call - if he was available at all you could talk to him but he isn't. What else are you supposed to do?

All your words sounds good hon. Crying is normal, feeling sick is normal, even feeling crappy/cowardly is normal. There is no feeling good here, and there's no avoiding that. The good will come later tho as a result of you valuing yourself.

I think a heads-up text is actually a good idea too. Dumping via text would be pretty harsh but saying go check your e-mail isn't.

:hugs:

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey Dovey,

We are wondering how you went and how your are.