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How fast or slow should new relationships progress?

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  • How fast or slow should new relationships progress?

    Hi everyone,

    I am just now talking to this guy. We've been on three dates and I'm just wondering about how fast/slow does an average relationship progress? I worry we might be moving too fast but at the same time, I worry he and I also might not be on the same page...

    So first date, we went to dinner then we went to a nearby billards hall and played shuffleboard. That was fun, we ended up cuddling up and talking for awhile on a couch towards the end of the date. We kept it mostly casual, no kissing or hand holding.

    Second date night we ended up back at his place to hang out and watch tv. We cuddled up again but this time there was some kissing.

    Third date we went dancing. On this night we talked more about our expectations of a relationship. The night ended up back at his place, but this time, the kissing led to sex and once sex starts getting involved, to me, that means it starts getting more serious.

    I feel that now since we have crossed that line and had sex that the ball isn't just rolling, but has begun to pick up speed.

    My main concern is are we moving too fast? What if I don't know if I am on the same page as he is? I told him when we first started talking (before any dates were even planned) that I am not really wanting to get too serious now because I just want to make sure I am focused on school and my son. I said I am open to a relationship but I have priorities that come first. He is dating for marriage. He said he understands my situation so we went ahead and moved forward on dating I'm just concerned at this point.

    Here are some questions:

    Is sex on the third date too fast?
    How long should I date him before introducing him to my son?
    When do you know it's really serious, exclusive relationship, once sex is involved?

  • If it feels too fast then it is, if it feels like natural progression then don't let it worry you. About meeting your son, go VERY slow with that, the younger your son the longer I would wait. Until you're at a comfort level in the relationship that you feel it's appropriate to be talking about your long-term future together I feel it's best to protect your son from getting attached. If you have male friends that hang out with you and your son it may be possible to introduce the BF after a few months (even if your not ready for the long term talk) but then I would only introduce him as a friend and make it clear to the BF that only friendly behavior is appropriate around your son.
    If you haven't already, I would also make it very clear to the BF that your son and school come first and that if he can't graciously accept that he is going to lose any conflict between those things and himself that it would be better to part friends now.
    Good luck, hope all goes well for all of you.

    Comment


    • Ok...not sure if this is what you're looking for, but I can offer as much of a non-douchey male perspective as possible

      1) Numbers don't matter. When you feel comfortable, when you feel that you are doing it because you want to, that's the right time. Anything other than that just depends on the person, but as the old saying goes "To thine own self be true". Nobody can tell you when is or isn't the time to have sex.
      2) At least a few months. Too many people cycling through a child's life can be painful, and by the off chance that there is ever something wrong with someone, keeping some distance between them and your child while you get to know them is an extra layer of safety.
      3) When you talk about it. Most guys will not consider anything exclusive just because you had sex. But if you lay down your expectations, that you want exclusivity, he has the choice right then and there, and you save yourself from having to guess.

      Comment


      • Oh good golly, I totally missed the word exclusive! Yes, like Archer said, until it's discussed it can't be assumed. And having sex, even though both people may be looking for a serious relationship, does not mean that either person has found the person they want to be serious with. Sex is part of the selection process, finding out if you're compatible stage, that stage can be exclusive, but only if you've agreed that it is.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Archer View Post
          non-douchey
          Made me chuckle

          Comment


          • I agree with Trix regarding your son. Don't even introduce him until you really think there is a strong possibility of a long-term future.

            You hardly know this guy. You may think that sex is a sign of being serious about the relationship, but that is unlikely to be the case for him.

            For all you know this guy is just trolling for what he thinks are desperate women. Go slower with this man. Get to know him better before you get too attached.

            Comment


            • I'm in the dating game too darlin, slow it down a bit
              I agree w the others.

              Comment


              • There are two aspects to dating - enjoying yourself, and trying to find a lifetime partner. I think there is no problem with things moving quickly in terms of having fun - if you both enjoy sex, that's fine at any point. The second needs more time and thought. You need to be prepared emotionally to accept that you may have found someone with whom you enjoy spending time and intimacy but who might not be a good long term partner.

                FWIW, I think people should ENJOY dating, not view it as a task that must be done to find a long term mate.

                Comment

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