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Uncompassionate Boyfriend

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  • Uncompassionate Boyfriend

    I would be so grateful if anyone could help me out with advice - I am without friends or sisters to speak with but I have been in the midst of what I think is an unhealthy relationship for a while. I'll use this as a small example:
    If I don't like the way I'm being touched or treated and say so, then my boyfriend responds with, "But ********I******** like it," and continues. I don't have sexual trauma per say but I do have some pretty serious anxieties and physical sensitivities around sexuality, and him treating me like that makes me feel like dirt... And makes me HATE being sexual. And he knows it. We talk about it all the time but he sticks by his, "Well I like it, and I'm your boyfriend and should be getting what I like" attitude.
    Any thoughts someone could share would be much appreciated! I love him and he is a good man in other ways but this is not his only callous feature... I have never broken up with anybody before in my life but have thought of breaking up with him for much of the ten months we've been together, often due to 'little' instances like the one above.
    With no-one to bounce these experiences and ideas off of, I am totally lost.

  • He sounds really egotistical to me. My boyfriend will play rough with me like that but only because I like it. there is a massive difference between the two. There always has to be respect. When there is a problem a guy who respects and cares about you will listen to what you have to say and at least make an attempt to change the action. I would be very very cautious if you stayed with him. Having a lot of thoughts of breaking up with him arent good either. But every decision is purely yours. No one knows your situation better than you.

    Comment


    • This one is simple - leave him. No one should treat you like that. There is nothing wrong with doing occasional favors for someone you love, but he is insisting that you do what HE wants, without regard for what you like. Of course you hate being sexual - he is treating you terribly and not trying to please you. If you were with a partner who cared about you and who spent time doing things that you enjoyed it would probably be very different.

      Not all guys are like this at all - there are many really nice, caring men out there.

      Does your current BF have some redeeming feature that makes you want to stay with him?

      Comment


      • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
        This one is simple - leave him. No one should treat you like that.
        Nuff said!

        Not all guys are like this at all - there are many really nice, caring men out there.
        Datz a fact Jack!

        See Dipstick Test for Men for starters...and eliminate all those bad guys.

        There are no guarantees...but you should always hedge your bets.

        Does your current BF have some redeeming feature that makes you want to stay with him?
        Even if so why be equivocal?

        Any doubt get out.

        Comment


        • Spectaculove, think of this as a respect issue. No man should treat you in a way that disregards your feelings, especially during those intimate times together. Of course it is not his only callous feature -- he believes that his wants and desires are primary and your feelings secondary. Unless he is willing to acknowledge that there is a problem, it won't get better. If you truly love him, set real boundaries and work on this together.
          "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Spectaculove View Post
            Any thoughts someone could share would be much appreciated! I love him and he is a good man in other ways but this is not his only callous feature... I have never broken up with anybody before in my life but have thought of breaking up with him for much of the ten months we've been together, often due to 'little' instances like the one above.
            With no-one to bounce these experiences and ideas off of, I am totally lost.
            Well, it is always hard to break up. But sometimes you have to ask yourself a question. Are u just settling up for comfort and habit or is he THE ONE? If he really is THE ONE then try to overcome the issue. Otherwise, stop settling up and demand for respect.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Spectaculove View Post
              I would be so grateful if anyone could help me out with advice - I am without friends or sisters to speak with but I have been in the midst of what I think is an unhealthy relationship for a while. I'll use this as a small example:
              If I don't like the way I'm being touched or treated and say so, then my boyfriend responds with, "But ****************I**************** like it," and continues. I don't have sexual trauma per say but I do have some pretty serious anxieties and physical sensitivities around sexuality, and him treating me like that makes me feel like dirt... And makes me HATE being sexual. And he knows it. We talk about it all the time but he sticks by his, "Well I like it, and I'm your boyfriend and should be getting what I like" attitude.
              Any thoughts someone could share would be much appreciated! I love him and he is a good man in other ways but this is not his only callous feature... I have never broken up with anybody before in my life but have thought of breaking up with him for much of the ten months we've been together, often due to 'little' instances like the one above.
              With no-one to bounce these experiences and ideas off of, I am totally lost.
              Well Specta, my self personally if you love this guy and you think he's the one you want to married one day. Then you need to set some ground rules with this guy and that is first and foremost do do not and i mean do not ever disrespect you at any time period. If you let a guy do this to you then he accepts the fact he can get away with it all the time. I been married almost 27 years next month and I would never treat my wife that way ever,or I would be coughing up blood for a few hours in doing so and that's no joke. i know it maybe not your nature to be that way but that's all some guys know is a very stern way you will not accept being treated disrespectful ever. Well good luck and I hope you can work this out with your boy friend soon.
              When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

              Comment


              • I love him and he is a good man in other ways
                I don't know if you receive messages when people reply to your thread but we'd love you to come back, respond to our members and maybe give us more information?

                You know the above quote I have heard so often, over the past 8 years in fact it always has that in it. Later down the track it changes "I have no idea what I saw in him".

                See "guys" not real men, guys, will do little things that makes you think that you are loved in order to continue getting what they want from the weaker partner, the one that can't say no or tries not to, it's like a trick of theirs.

                There is nothing worse than feeling dirty, that sex is not loving, it's just sex.

                What I want you to know that in a loving relationship it is "not" just sex... It is love. In a loving relationship you are heard, people compromise and no man ever, ever uses the " I am God do what I say" attitude.

                It was suggested you leave him, I am going to have to agree. He doesn't own you guess who does? You..........
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment

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