[CHANDLERS WISH]

I recently started officially dating a friend for week and a half and we're both 19. I've known him for a year and we have gotten really close the past two months. We have gotten along very well and things are going great except I am having problems being able to keep up with his pace of physical intimacy.

Even before we dated he tried to kiss me multiple times but I have tried to avoid it until the 4th day we started going out. By the end of that week that kiss turned into tongue kissing and he started to touch me underneath the clothes. Knowing I don't really explore sexually, he seems to be trying to opening up that side of me in a very short time at a fast pace. Couple days ago, he was trying to encourage me to be more sexually stimulated and told me I should try masturbating.

In addition, he sexually stimulated me on my upper body and explained that it is supposed to make people feel good... but rather it left me bit torn and confused... I tried resisting his attempts to go further every time he does, but physically he overpowers me eventually or he tells me to "relax" and then proceeds when I do. When I don't "relax" he waits for me to be in a calmer phase before he does anything and then.... he does what he wants....

As much as I really have grown to like him, all this has made me feel a bit too exposed and vulnerable.. I have mentioned this to him that before but then he tries to assure me that everything is okay. I do not think he understands where I am coming from... How should I work with him on this?

but physically he overpowers me eventually or he tells me to "relax"

Firstly, your parents are correct and are not correct. What they are telling you is that there are "some" guys that will take advantage of you, won't listen to you, over-power you and take what they want, even if you say no. But, there are off course gentleman out there that will respect the word "no".

So because he will not accept the word "no" does that mean he is not a gentleman? To me, it means he is what your parents described to be careful of.

He is 27 years of age, you are 19. He has been around, he has done this before and he doesn't care. Why? Because you said "no" perhaps not in the word and so, you need to now use it "NO". He understands where you are coming from, he wants to take. This is where you must now learn to say "NO" and if he does not listen and continues to say "relax" then you need to not think he is helping you grow up as a woman but that he is using you for his self gain. Any 27 year old that is asked to not do something and instead says relax is not caring at all what you are feeling.

You are worth more than that, don't let this guy bully you into sex.. Yes, you may wish to explore but I think you want it to be with some form of love yes? Not just do it to find out.

What would I do? Point him to this thread and let him read it...

Use the word "NO" and if he does not listen, walk away real fast and never return.

You will find someone that respects you and will take things at "your pace", ..

Please listen to the advice and opinions you are getting.

[Patti-here]

I agree with CW here, if he's forcing himself on you and won't accept the word NO... Then walk,, there are plenty of guys out there, that will respect you and allow you to progress sexually at your own rate.

[Trixareforkids]

There really are decent men out there. Don't sacrifice your well being to one who isn't.

Very well said!