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Insecure with my boyfriend & our relationship?

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  • Insecure with my boyfriend & our relationship?

    So, I'll start off by saying I do tend to have pretty low self esteem. Last summer I started talking to my now boyfriend in a romantic way but we were both just at complete different pages in our lives. I've known him almost my whole life and I'm 18 right now. We sorta had a romantic thing going on last summer but like I said, two different pages. He didn't treat me so well so I kicked him to the curb. He ended up texting me 3 or 4 months ago apologizing for being a complete ****** over the summer. I really appreciated it because he took the time to seek me out and apologize himself and then when we hung out in person he apologized again.

    We've been romantically involved for the past 3 months but two weeks ago he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. He constantly tells me I'm beautiful and it's not that he doesn't give me attention, he most definitely does...it's just I'm terrified he'll just leave me for someone better. He's never done anything to make me think that, it's clearly my own fears as I feared the same thing with my ex boyfriend. My now boyfriend broke up with his exgirlfriend maybe a month or two before me and my ex broke up but they were only together for like a month. I think they still talk which I sort of understand because they go to the same small school.

    Recently one of her friends posted on Instagram a joke mocking the "cute prom proposals" I'm sure you're seeing all over the internet and said "Aw just got asked to prom" and tagged my boyfriends username and then in the line below tagged her best friend who happens to be my boyfriend's ex. It's all clearly a joke and he didn't even acknowledge the photo or like it. That sort of threw me off but my friends told me I was overreacting because it was clearly a joke. He's not allowed to go to prom anyways for other reasons I won't mention so yeah, obviously a joke. However it still bothered me but I can't say anything because I was creeping and I'll definitely admit that and he'll call me out on that so I lose. I wasn't aware they still talked until I saw that photo. Today he posted something on facebook from a popular movie and she happened to like it which kinda set me off too which if you look at it...it's a fricken facebook like so I don't know why I'm getting so upset over a like. And last night I had a weird dream that she called him needing someone to talk to and he said he'd be right over and then one of my friends (who knows neither my boyfriend or his ex) told me that he has feelings for her again. It was really strange but I think it was just my insecurities talking but I always get nervous these dreams predict something. Besides all of that, there's no other indication that they're even talking at all so I might be overreacting. I don't talk to my ex-boyfriend at all because he's two years older than me so he's in his sophomore year of college and lives an hour away but there are plenty of people in my school who have dated, broke up, and still talk now.

    I just don't know how to get over the fact that I feel as if he'll end up going back to her even though they dated for such a short time and him & I have SO much more history between us than they do. I feel like I get jealous over the littlest things or over this girl who probably doesn't even have a hold over him at all. Should I be this upset about his ex? Do I just have to convince myself that he picked me for a reason and just try to go with that? It's just so hard. I've completely fallen for him and it would absolutely crush me if something were to happen.

  • First, try not to stress. Most relationships at 18 are not going to be life-long and that's fine. Enjoy dating, spend time with people whose company you enjoy. Try not to worry that he might leave. He might, you might - its OK. Dating is not a means to an end, it is something you should enjoy for its own sake. Then someday you will end up with someone who really is right for you and things will last. It could be the first person you date, or the 100th.

    If there was a single piece of advice I could give to my teenage self, it would be to be more self confident. Now, decades later, I realize that my insecurity was by far the least attractive part of me. Try to be confident that YOU are a nice attractive person. That doesn't mean that everyone will like you, and no one will say cruel things, but in general if you think well of yourself most people will think well of you.


    • I'd try to stop looking at face-book. I know that's hard. But, what happens is you see something and your mind starts wondering and wandering and it gets all messed up with wrong thoughts.

      I'd concentrate on always being happy with your boyfriend, because a boyfriend loves a happy relationship full of love and smiles and laughter. Why would he leave that?



      • Your insecurities are completely natural, so don't freak out. You're a normal girl who has the normal fear of being left behind.

        Your boyfriend broke up with his ex... do you know why?

        My advice to you would be the hardest yet most honest thing: tell him. It's okay to be honest and tell him you're insecure. That shows him that you truly care. I did the same thing with my boyfriend and he told me (even showed me his phone) that the girl I was afraid he was talking to hadn't been in his life for over a year! I was freaking out about nothing. The conversation can go two ways: you can either find out that he cares about you & that you have nothing to be insecure about or that your insecurity was really a red flag. Trust your gut, but also realize you're only human.


        • Bump. Any more views for the OP.


          • Your generation is growing up on social media. Jealousy about who liked what photo or had this comment will not only stress you out, it will also ruin any fun you might have from this relationship. Enjoy what you have. The best way to keep your man is to be the woman he fell in love with, not the jealous woman.

            Rcoreyus is right. The most attractive trait in a person is confidence. Believe in yourself. Your BF believes in you, you should too.

            Good luck to you both.
            "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"



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