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Insecure and it's driving me crazy!

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  • Insecure and it's driving me crazy!

    So my guy and I have been together for about 2 years now. We moved in together about 6 months ago and it is going great. He is a great man, takes care of me, always loving on me and telling me he loves me. I trust him like I have never trusted anyone.

    But recently I found porn on our computer history, it doesn't bother me that he watches porn, I watch porn too. I figure as long as it's not effecting our sex life, it's okay. But since I found the porn and saw the perfect bodied women in the video, I am very insecure about myself. I am short (5'1"), a little over weight (145) and lets be honest have a few noticeable stretch marks. I just now feel like, I can't compete with those women and I won't be able to please him. I don't feel sexy anymore, I love our sex life, we have sex 4-6 times a week and will try almost anything with him in bed but I can't seem to get in the mood cause it's at the back of my mind.

    This is my first long series relationship so any advice will help! It's driving me nuts that it's bugging me this much, when I know it can't be that big of deal!

  • Men are excited by many things besides (or in addition to) any particular body shape or feature. You are assuming that it is the bodies that interest him. That may be only partially the case.

    You may have noticed that many men have affairs with women who are not as attractive, in the traditional sense, as their wives.

    Things that influence a man's arousal include the woman's attitude, smile, level of enthusiasm in bed, outfits, fetishes, role-play, domination/submission, games, restraint, age, power differentials (boss-employee, teacher-student, experience-innocence, etc.), novelty, etc. etc.

    While I wouldn't necessarily recommend that you both keep the porn going, what's important is that you know what he likes in what he's watching and what he likes in you. Try to talk to him about is and see what he says.

    If you know how to get his motor going and willingly enjoy doing it, no amount to porn will tear him away from you.

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    • I met my wife when we were in college. She was considered very attractive as evidenced by all the attention she got from men. She didn't believe she was attractive. After dating for years, then getting married she simply didn't believe it, was very shy about her body, thought she was ugly. Thought all compliments were made up. Finally at about 50 it seemed to finally click that she WAS beautiful.

      She didn't look like a traditional model, but there is not just one type of beauty for women or for men. Beauty comes in different heights, builds etc.

      Don't wait 30 years to figure this out. If your guy thinks you are beautiful, then believe him. Smile - nothing is as attractive as a smile. Wear lingerie (which my wife finally started doing).

      As far as porn, it just a masturbation aid. He may be interested in the activities, not the women. Even if it is the women he likes, should he feel threatened because you find some actors attractive? Just because he thinks you are attractive doesn't mean that he doesn't also find other women attractive.

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      • I don't think that you have anything to worry about. You are real, porn is not. He loves you for many reasons, not just as a sexual play toy. Sex with you is about love, passion respect and honor. I am sure that he has never even thought about comparing what he has with you to the porn he watches.

        That said, if you are worried about it, there needs to be a resolution. A successful relationship depends upon communication. Talk to him about the insecurities. If he is the man you describe, he will take away all doubt.
        "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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        • Thank you effy2014 - it is reassuring to hear that when all my mind has been telling me is crazy.

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          • So my guy and I have been together for about 2 years now. We moved in together about 6 months ago and it is going great. He is a great man, takes care of me, always loving on me and telling me he loves me.
            See the above

            Happier is a person that finds lust and love within one person and never wants to leave, cheat.. Where both still find beauty and like to see what perhaps they can add into their sensual and sexual world but , still, never, want, to cheat, or leave.
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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