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1st date with a guy

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  • 1st date with a guy

    I went on a date with a guy a week ago and it went well. A few days after we kept texting each other flirty text messages. (Smiley faces and such). He even told me he wanted to kiss me on our first date but didn't know if he should because he didn't know how I'd take it. I told him he could have kissed me. He said he wanted to have a 2nd date and hang out later in the week. But now I haven't heard from him in the last few days even though I've texted him asking if/when he wants to hang out again. The last text message I got from him was "I'm sorry I've been running around planning for my mom's 50th birthday party. I don't like to text and drive. I'm exhausted." I told him have fun and I didn't want him to text and drive. That was on Thursday. This is Sunday. What do you think? Part of me thinks I'm over reacting but I'm not sure.

  • I'll never understand why some people insist on being this way ....planning a birthday party is not a full time job, etc. A full time job is itself not a reason to be unable to text, ever, etc. There's a pretty reliable test for unavailability that meets any normal threshold, and that's simply that the busy person won't make much effort to contact you (being busy, distracted, and preoccupied), but they should be able to answer contacts from you. You text, they answer. You call, they answer. Even if not right away, before long, and even if what they say is "hey look, I'm really really busy, I'll call you back later." (Not 13 days later.) There's of course a flip side to that with neediness, but that's not what we're talking about here.

    Sorry hon but it sounds to me like he's blowing you off. It sucks, but it happens to all of us. Best way to respond is with dignity - if he doesn't want to talk, let him not talk and keep your head held high. (That's also a good way to test him ....if he really does want to talk and truly was the busiest man on the planet when you were trying to contact him - no doubt putting out high rise fires, saving refugees in other countries, and drawing up legislation for world peace - he'll reach out to you. If he doesn't, you have your answer anyway.)

    <Hugs> Be a strong woman and just go find another one, or not - take some you time and read a book or go sailing or something lol. You'll be fine.
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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    • Thank you. It's just really aggravating that he wasted my time. That crossed my mind but it doesn't make sense why he would want to kiss me then blow me off. I even told him "if I'm bothering you let me know" and he said I wasn't bothering him. Like don't waste my time being like this. I told someone else it wasn't going to work between us (me and another guy I had been on a date with) because me and him didn't hit it off near as well. Now I'm kinda regretting that. Such a waste of time to toy with someone. Why can't we just be straight and honest. I'd rather hear a hurtful truth than a comforting lie.

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      • Small minded people, what can you say? At least you're better than that.

        Hey - break the rules and tell the other guy you reconsidered. Just for the hell of it.
        [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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        • Amen.

          I have thought about telling the other guy I'd reconsider. But wouldn't he assume he was a 2nd choice? I can't imagine that making him feel great

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          • Just be honest. Tell him exactly what happened, show some good natured humility, and if he goes for it fine, if not, that's fine too. We can't control much really, just gotta take our shots when we get them!
            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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            • Thanks. I just think it may be too late to reconsider the other guy I went on a date with. When I told him it wasn't gonna work, he said "what's that?" Like he can't take no for an answer. / i will never understand why to waste time like that lol.

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              • Originally posted by horsyluvr View Post
                I went on a date with a guy a week ago and it went well. A few days after we kept texting each other flirty text messages. (Smiley faces and such). He even told me he wanted to kiss me on our first date but didn't know if he should because he didn't know how I'd take it. I told him he could have kissed me. He said he wanted to have a 2nd date and hang out later in the week. But now I haven't heard from him in the last few days even though I've texted him asking if/when he wants to hang out again. The last text message I got from him was "I'm sorry I've been running around planning for my mom's 50th birthday party. I don't like to text and drive. I'm exhausted." I told him have fun and I didn't want him to text and drive. That was on Thursday. This is Sunday. What do you think? Part of me thinks I'm over reacting but I'm not sure.
                From what I have been through in my short life I say if a guy wants to be with you let him make contact in the early stages of the relationship. Gosh! What am I saying. Don't contact him and see if he will

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                • I will never understand why people blow one another off like this instead of being mature and stating it's basically not gonna work. Last Friday I went on a date with someone else. It went really well and we ended up spending over 12 hours together doing various things. This guy even kissed me quite a few times (towards the end of the date). We talked Saturday like usual. Sunday and today I don't hear much from him other than he's been busy and doesn't feel well. Part of me believes him and the other part is getting ready for being blown off (just in case). He told me today "sorry for being distant, I have been busy and not feeling well." He had LASIK last week and just got back to work.

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                  • Hey, at least your getting a few dates.
                    [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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                    • That's true

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                      • It’s only been a few days and he did mention he was planning his mom’s birthday party so maybe he is tired after all the preparation and partying and socializing with family members. You shouldn’t read too much into it. Did you ever think about talking to an astrologer about your compatibility with him to find out what to expect from the relationship?

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                        • No I didn't talk to anyone about astrology. But I haven't heard from him since he told me that.

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