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Any thoughts on what to do?

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  • Any thoughts on what to do?

    Hey guys I've been stuck in a sticky situation for a month now and usually I find the solutions out myself but this one....I'm super stuck. I've been dating my boyfriend officially for two months although we've been seeing each other for 6 months. I've known him my whole life and we were best friends for a good part of my life and then we drifted apart and then started talking again. We had a fling last summer but he constantly ditched me and blew me off for his exgirlfriend (not confirmed but I'm pretty sure that was the case) He apologized to me in December and I accepted and then as mentioned, we started back up again. About two weeks into our official relationship he cheated on me. I had always been suspicious of his ex-girlfriend and I got even more suspicious after seeing activity on instagram (I'm 19 years old and still worrying about social media...ridiculous) I ignored it for a while but then a great thing happened...not.

    His ex-girlfriend is dating a guy that I used to be really good friends with. Me and my boyfriend got into a car accident after he cheated on me (I didn't know at the time he cheated on me but now that I look back it did happen after) and she found out and ended up calling him. I told him I was really uncomfortable with her calling him and he said he completely understood and I had nothing to worry about she isn't even anything to think about. A week later his ex girlfriend got drunk and said she was gonna kill herself and so I drove my boyfriend home so he could call 911 and I said to him again that I understood that when someone says they're gonna kill themselves you don't just ignore it but it was strange that she called him. He once again told me she would not be in the picture and he's not the kind of guy to cheat or go around behind his girlfriends back. I got a text from my really good friend (whos dating my boyfriends ex) telling me he was sorry that this is the reason we're talking again but basically him and his girlfriend broke up because she cheated on him with my boyfriend. I wasn't even ****ed because I knew it was going to happen, I just had that weird gut feeling. My mind immediately shot back to those two separate times that he lied to me telling me she was nothing to worry about and that he doesn't cheat on girls! WHAT?!?! I couldn't believe he blatantly lied to my face like that.

    Me and my boyfriend ended up talking and sorting through things. He told me it was a one time thing and I guess I was foolish enough to take him back. Here's where the sticky part comes in. I have another guy friend who really likes me and is constantly telling me I deserve better and I deserve someone who doesn't cheat on me. He's everything I look for in a guy. The problem is, I still love my boyfriend and for some reason I just can't leave him. I don't know if it's because I'm not strong enough or what. I really like my guy friend too and I feel TERRIBLE for liking both of them at once. My guy friend has told me just today that he's about had it with waiting (he's waited for me for 2 months) and I understand. I want to be with him but I feel bad breaking up with my boyfriend. My guy friend told me he'd be willing to wait for me if I needed to be just by myself for a while but obviously not if I'm still with my boyfriend, which is very understandable. My boyfriend is constantly now showering me with love telling me how I'm the best thing to ever happen to him and all that. I'm definitely taking time out for myself to figure out what I want but I'm afraid if I leave my current boyfriend I'll be making a mistake....but how can I feel that way if he cheated on me?! and lied to my face constantly?

    I tried breaking up with him two weeks ago and I ended up just going right back. I felt so bad to see him in pain from me doing that to him but once again why should I care about that when he friggen cheated. I should also include that after I broke up with him two weeks ago he immediately messaged his ex girlfriend on facebook saying how sorry he was for ruining her life. Her boyfriend, my good friend, texted me and told me that and he was ****ed because he doesn't want my boyfriend talking to her. Everyone I've told thinks its strange he reached out to her at all. I can't figure out if he was genuinely sorry to her and wanted her to know or if I'm being a complete idiot and missing something. He told me shes blocked on everything now and he can't even stand the thought of her. He said he loves me and never even loved her the way he loves me. I don't know if I believe him. I'm afraid I'll lose my guy friend forever if i stay with my boyfriend (even though he said we would absolutely stay friends even if I stay with my boyfriend) but I don't know if I'm making a mistake by staying with my boyfriend...any thoughts?

  • That's pretty long and complicated, not sure I followed it all.

    All I can suggest is don't make any snap decisions. You know these people and how they behave. Don't expect that to change and then decide who you want to be with (if any of them).


    • I don't know if your guy friend is any good, but if I were you I would drop your current BF. He is cheating. What more do you need to dump him?
      [B]"Are you serious? You're [i]bleeping[/I] THAT girl?"[/B][B] - [COLOR="#B22222"]jen1447[/COLOR][/B]


      • Dump the current bf. He sounds very shady and not good for you.

        Take time for yourself. You don't want to be jumping into another relationship right way, especially if you still have feelings for the bf. That wouldn't be fair to the new guy.
        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)


        • You know the answer but just don't want to confront it. Grow some courage -- you do not want the man who has cheated and given you pain to be in pain? That is ridiculous. Here is the balance based on your post. On one side is your boyfriend -- he has cheated on you several times AND, worse, he has lied to your face about it. In the two weeks you were broken up, he went back to her. Your current boyfriend has no morals or ethics. How can you ever trust him?

          On the other side is this guy who, as you describe, "is everything I look for in a guy". He knows you deserve better. He is even willing to wait for you if you just wanted to take a break from dating. How is there even a choice to be made??????

          Unfortunately, you are 19 and not thinking maturely. If you lose the good guy and are stuck with the cheater, remember that you made the choice by not sticking up for yourself.
          "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"


          • Kind of hard for me to follow the story as well LOL but I definitely agree with taking time out for yourself. You have got to be clear headed and minded before you go into a new relationship so you know what YOU want. as for your current boyfriend I would leave. I do not take cheating/lying kindly.


            • You always want what you "can't have".

              Your current boyfriend of a couple of months wasn't really with you over those 6 months rather back and forth. He wasn't and isn't over his ex full stop and I gain the impression that your quest is to make him not want her but you, if you delve deep into your heart and mind, that's the reason you weren't peeved off and it's the reason why you are still there. The "good" girlfriend that helped when she cried wolf, gotta love that girl right? He's still hung up on her, he cheated in such a short time with you, with her, says he won't do it again but will... She's now lost the guy who she didn't love because she slept with the guy she does love and frankly, ditch him because he will do it again.

              I'm not saying he's a bad character, rather still in love with someone else and until he can get past that, you'll always be second best.

              This other guy wants to make you "first". Let him. He's not this guy I get that but you are preferring a "bad guy" one that cheats says sorry to a "good guy" that would treat you properly and never cheat. It's a no brainer as to which one is better for you and I get what you are sub-consciously doing but in reality "fool me once, fool me twice" is what is going to happen at some point you won't be so open minded in forgiveness and the other guy will be long gone.

              It's hard to walk feeling " he loved someone else, I could have made him love me" but, if that's your motivation and deep down I think it is, that's not going to happen because he is still in love with her and you don't deserve to be treated that way.
              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!



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