[DreamP346]

Claret - The red flags I see are "not allowed" and "What ever he says is the end of the conversation." To me these are controlling behaviors. I can see somebody being irritated if your boy/girl friend called when you specifically told them that you were going out with friends, but dictating what they are allowed to do or not is controlling. Of course, we may not be seeing the whole picture as Sasha really hasn't given us a lot of details, so I could be completely off.

Sasha - I think we need to get more information. Is you boyfriend asking you not to ask him questions and or avoiding answering you? Or is he dictating that you are not allowed to ask him questions? Also, when you call him and he does not pick us the phone or call you right back, do you start asking why he didn't pick up the phone?

[Pollon]

While he may be controlling, I'm with Claret.

They've only been dating a couple of months, it's not clear if they are even exclusive, and she is already asking if he's cheating.

From the limited information given, the picture I see is a 47 year-old independent man who isn't really interested in having to give an accounting of his minute-to-minute activities to his new girlfriend.

He has a group of friends whom he has not introduced her to and he isn't interested in interrupting his time with them for answer her "checking-in" phone calls.

And he perceives her questions as insecure and paranoid, so has asked her to control her anxiety and stop asking him to deal with it.

So while she's stopped asking the questions to him, she's brought her anxiety to the forum for soothing.

Sasha, would you agree that you struggle with anxiety? How have your past relationships gone?

[SashaJones]

We are a couple. Everyone knows we date. I have met some of his friends. No we dont live together but I spend most nights at his house. I just wanted some opinions about him not wanting me to ask him questions. I know he is older than me so things are very different from past relationships. I know for a fact that we are on the same page when it comes to how we feel about each other. Like I said things are different and I just wanted some help. Thanks for everyones input.

[SashaJones]

Dream- He doesn't want me asking him questions about where he has been, who he was with, why didn't he answer his phone when I called...... questions like that. So I have asked why didn't he answer my calls before but now I really dont ask anything like that. For now im trusting him.

[Claret]

Reverse the situation, how would you feel if for whatever reason you were in the middle of a conversation with someone, and your phone rings, you know who it is, but you can't interrupt the current conversation? Then, he starts in on the questions? What is there NOT to trust?

To be perfectly honest I'd expect this type of behaviour (on both sides) to be the normal for teenagers rather than adults. You have no basis to distrust him so why would you even question his faithfulness?

[atskitty2]

I can see both Dream's & Claret's points. I think there's a lot more going on here & I hope you'll tell us a lot more details Sasha. You spend most nights at his house, how many days do you spend together? How is it that you 2 came to be on the same page as to how you feel about each other - tell me about that discussion or whatever it was that brought you to that point.
Things are different in what way? Specifically?

Were you asking repeated questions? Were you asking each & every time you did things separately?
What were his exact words in telling you that he'd rather you not call or ask questions?

[Pollon]

We are a couple. Everyone knows we date. I have met some of his friends. No we dont live together but I spend most nights at his house.

This does not make you exclusive. Maybe you are, but the fact that you are already questioning his fidelity would indicate that you are not confident that you really are.

I just wanted some opinions about him not wanting me to ask him questions.

I know I'm guessing here, but I'd suspect that the questions go something like this..

Who was there? Where there any women? Was she pretty? Did you talk to her? Etc. Etc. .... and ends with some kind of argument.

...I know for a fact that we are on the same page when it comes to how we feel about each other.

If this were true, you'd trust him and you wouldn't be doubting his fidelity.

You said this relationship is different from your past relationships. How so?

[SashaJones]

I would never ask if women were there and were they pretty. I didn't say I was jealous. Nor would I ask if he talked to a woman. Its like you are taking what I said and asked in a different direction.
I simply said he doesn't want me asking him questions. Maybe I am at fault. Thts y I asked for some opinions. I didn't ask to make things more complicated. Do I have trust issue? I obviously do but bc of past relationships. Our relationship is different bc he is the oldest man I have ever dated. I just thought it was weird for him to not want me to ask him questions about when he's away from the house. And of course we spend days together but like I said before he owns a business so he is busy during the day. So weekends are mostly the days the world sees us together.

[SashaJones]

The main reason y I asked about this is bc he says I cant ask him questions but when it comes to me he can ask what ever he wants and all I need to do is answer.

[SashaJones]

Claret- the situation has already been reversed. If I dont answer my phone he calls until I do. I have to answer his calls and his questions